Hey. So, I've been dating a guy for about a month now, and I really like him. He's really cute and funny, and I love being around him. The thing is though, he started getting really religious, and I think he hates himself. He's always talking bad about his sexuality, and he won't listen to anyone convince him that it's ok to be gay. I showed him the some really long video by some guy named Matthew Vines, and he still hates being gay. And, I'm kind of starting to feel bad about my sexuality as well, because I'm a Christian too. I'm starting to think that we should break up. We both really like each other, but it's really depressing to see him this way, and I don't think there is anything I can do about it. Should I break up with him? And if I should, how should I do it? Also, I have no idea of how to meet other guys. I feel like there are a lot of campy gay guys in the area I live in, and I don't know how to meet another normal gay guy. So, what should I do about all of this?
Long videos rarely are convincing. You need to use personal experiences and ask him basic questions like if he thinks your relationship is sinful and why. A lot of the biblical references to homosexuality need to be viewed in the contest of ancient Israel/Palestine, where there weren't many examples of stable gay relationships between adults. You might look at the gay christian network site for help. I really like this section on the "great debate" between whether gays should remain celibate or whether they should have relationships (note that no one is saying being gay itself is inherently sinful). The Great Debate | The Gay Christian Network But in the end, remember you can't force a person to change their mind. If they can't come to terms with accepting themselves, then it's their loss.
I feel bad that you are experiencing this since you really like your bf. you can tell him that it hurts you seeing him going through this and he needs to figure this out all by himself. You can offer friendship. What he needs is a support system where he can freely express himself and his where abouts. As for you keep the options open you can tell him that you are cool to date him again after he is comfortable and accepted his sexuality fully. About meeting guys just put yourself out there look for gay friendly place around your area, even campy gay guys have masculine gay friends who knows? Or you can try it online. Just fill up your profile. Put some of your interests & the type of guy you are looking for. good luck
Religion is the thing that stops people from being themselves. Homosexuality is wrong, fighting back is wrong. Religion manipulates you. I figured that when I was younger and since then have never been religious. I mighta been if there was proof. But none. What I'm saying is you either need to accept your homosexuality, and not let religion stomp it down or 'be faithful' to your religion and leave this man and your homosexuality behind. Ask yourself what is more important.
Actually, anyone that can watch the Matthew Vines video and still not see that there's no incompatibility between Christian beliefs and being gay... wasn't paying attention. I'll disagree with the poster who said that long videos aren't helpful... Vines' video is definitely an exception. I went out with a guy who was just coming out and very religious, and I had the same issues. He had tremendous struggles with guilt and it really messed with him. We broke up for other reasons, but I stayed in touch and a year later he'd come to terms and it wasn't a problem. If your boyfriend simply isn't willing to listen to reason, Matthew Vines, and other sources... he just isn't ready, and you owe it to yourself to end the relationship before it starts affecting your own self esteem. You might consider one last conversation with him, reminding him that he can't change, so he can either hate himself and be alone, or learn to love himself and reconcile his religion with who he is. Setting a firm date beyond which the relationship won't continue if he hasn't resolved his issues will help to ensure he actually commits to working on the issue.
