So I still haven't come out to anybody. But yesterday in the car, the topic of gay marriage was brought up. She said that she doesn't have a personal problem with gays, she just feels uncomfortable around them because they are still not "accepted by all of society" or common. She also said she doesn't like it when gays make public displays I themselves (which I partially agree to). What should I think of this? Would it still be a good idea to come out to her?
Hi, my mum is pretty much the same. I think the problem for most people is that they're simply not used to the idea of a society accepting homosexual people. And when you're not used to something, you automatically feel uncomfortable. Teenagers nowadays don't have a problem with it like older people do, because they were born into a more accepting society than their parents/grandparents. If your mum says she doesn't have a problem in general, she probably is ready to accept the fact that they do exist and that they aren't any different. I've told you my mum is pretty much the same, I'm not out to her either so I can't really tell you to come out to her. But it doesn't sound like she would reject you if you did.
It sounds like your mom realizes that just because something makes her uncomfortable it doesn't necessarily make it wrong. That is a good sign for her eventual acceptance after you come out.
Not sure how the topic came up in the car, but it may be that she was fishing. My college roommate came out shortly after he graduated, but he was pretty obviously gay. We hung around together constantly, and not long after my mom met him, she and I had a very deceptively casual discussion where she talkled about people being gay, gave me the "official" Catholic party line (being gay is OK, gay sex is not) and pretty much said that she didn't necessarily understand it, but she didn't think it made someone a bad person or anything like that. It was very high-level and general, but something like 20 years later it suddenly occurred to me in a flash that meeting my roommate had made her think perhaps I was gay, and she wanted to give me a chance to come out to her, even though it was something she wasn't entirely comfortable with herself. Being very much in denial at the time (and evidently pretty dense as well), I had never taken the conversation to be anything but random, but looking back on it as an adult, I'm sure it was not. She died very unexpectedly at 46 a year or two after that conversation, and in the meantime I married, had kids, and am finally accepting myself and am in the very beginning stages of a divorce. I often wonder what might have happened had I picked up on what she was really saying to me. I talk too much! To get to the point--what I'm saying is, your mother may have already put two and two together, and that conversation may have been her awkward and unsure way of saying "talk to me". I don't have any experience with coming out to family members that I can share with you (yet), but I will say that, as a parent, what we want the most for our kids is to see them happy and well-adjusted and loved. We also do build up little imaginary future scenarios for our kids, and the fact that they're gay could be a little unsettling. For the obvious reasons--no traditional life, probably no grandchildren for her, that sort of thing--but also there is the fear that our child won't be accepted, or will be gay-bashed, will get AIDS, etc. Listen to her and see if she sends you any more signals. My guess is that she wants to know so she can start to understand.
Oh, that makes things a little different. I'd be careful, in that case. Maybe bring the subject up in a very general way now and then to see what her reaction is? I don't have any experience with that....
