Is Dating Older Guys REALLY That Bad?

The issues that are generally mentioned when considering older guys (or age differnces in general) center around potential differences in life experience, 'place in life', and power in the relationship. These factors can all fluctuate a bit depending on the overall age of those involved (meaning an age difference that is a concern when you're in your teens or 20s may be of no concern if you're in your 30s, for example).

A difference of a year or two seems unlikely to have too many problems in these areas until/unless you start getting into issues around one of you going off to college (or being in college) while the other is still in HS or the like. In some places there is a potential issue if one person is over the local age of consent (which can range from 16-18 depending on where you are). Not sure how that works in a same-sex context and the reality is that it's not uncommon for parents and the community to look the other way if they like the couple and they've been together a long time or something (of course the opposite reaction is also possible).

That all said, there is also the issue of individual circumstances, personalities, etc.

My partner is 13yrs older than I am and we get along just fine. We met when I was 27. So even a difference of more than a couple years can be fine, depending on circumstances.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

Myself I don't see age difference an issue, as long as there is a mutual attraction and you share the same feelings then good luck to you, the trouble is society seems to point fingers of an age gap-just get over it, as long as they are in love then it's nobody's business apart from there own. I am gay, get over it, there is an age difference, get over that as well !

 

Like others have said, as long as the two people are at the same maturity level and want a similar thing from the relationship. If those two things are followed I don't see a problem with age difference (to a point).

 

Another thing to consider is the 'later in life' aspects.

If I am 20 and my partner is 43, when I'm 30 he is going to be 53, when I'm 30 he is going to be 63, etc.

This relationship is fine as of now, but when we are considering long term things can easily complicate themselves as the decades bring higher risks of alzheimer's, heart disease, cancer, etc. As each of us start breaking into old age we are all likely to come down with our own set of issues, and your partner will be no different. Most of us are simply too nice to break off a relationship, because of illness on our partners behalf so you have to recognize that things can turn very one-sided very fast.

 

This is definitely plausible (and calculable)...on the other hand, I don't know what research has been done to see whether these relationships actually work. So far I see opinions based on possible power relationships, but power is a funny thing. Perhaps the wrong analogy; but what is the power of a child over a parent?

Younger partners wield power too, the variables and factors for success in these relationships are numerous and complex, and simply have a lot to do with just who is involved.

 

Bear in mind that for your SPECIFIC situation, Jake, you are only 15, so if you date someone only a few years older than yourself, it might very well BE illegal for him to do anything beyond sharing malt with you at the Chocolate Factory.

(And thinking of someone 16 or 17 as an "older" guy makes me feel like my avatar should be a cave drawing or a picture of a mummy...)

 

Would you stare at this Gay Couple in a Bar & would you think their relationship was wrong?

 

Im 16. When i was 15 I dated a 25 year old. Don't regret it. We broke up, but not because of our age difference or maturity levels... Long ass story and scandal i don't wanna get into >.<

Many people would say he was taking advantage of me, but he really wasn't in anyway. Our different experiences just made us closer and it was lovely.

Obv. not everyone is mature enough to handle a relationship with an older person. Its all different for everyone, and seeing as how ive done it, I could care less. I don't think being upset about an age difference from an outside perspective is alright either just because TYPICALLY someone is taking advantage of the younger person. If anything in our relationship, I was taking advantage of him tbh

 

:lol:
Think of it this way. one guy's younger is another guy's older.

 

To me it really depends on where you are in life. For example.. dating a guy 10 years older at 15...you have zero in common with someone who is 25. However when you are 25 dating a guy 10 years older is different. While the age go me it depends on where you both are in life.

 

Makes sense to me

 

We had plenty in common, the only thing different were our life experiences. Its a step to assume something about a relationship just because of the age difference. There are 15 year olds more mature than 25 year olds and vice versa, so IMO experiences are the only obstacle you will for sure run into.

 

Oh god, I read that as 13 years old. That was kinda terrifying for a sec.

Anyways, as for the post, I don't think one or two years is that much older, is it?

 

I think the real danger of younger being attracted to older has already been discussed and I couldn't agree more that there is always the potential for the older guy to take advantage of a teenager.

The teenager needs to arm himself with the knowledge that this is always a possiblity and now how to protect/defend himself if he finds himself in a situation where he is being taken advatage of.

I think if the older guys is honestly a 'good guy' then he would be prepared to wait rather than rush into a relationship, you know? like explore a friendship before a relationship.

 

If you're attracted to older guys, I don't see why there would be a problem with dating one. Yeah people are in different places in life, but you can't tell where someone is just by their age, sometimes things don't line up that way. Some people are more mature for their age, others are less mature, both physically and emotionally.

Obviously since you are 15 and thus below the age of consent, you can't go too much older and seek relationships that would be illegal. However you seem to realize that already.

But I WISH I were attracted to older guys, it would make things so much easier, I'm jealous of all the guys who seem to have this 'problem' of being attracted to older guys rather than chasing the hot young twinks...

 

Rakkus, from your profile pics and this post, it appears you are attracted to your peers. Although there can be strong relationships formed outside your peer group, as a general rule, the strongest relationships do tend to be with one's peers. Now, I would go as far as saying that to define a peer, you need to look at what stage of life the person is in, as well as maturity. A person who is more mature than their age would suggest is not going to have a fullfilling relationship with a person less mature than their age would suggest. The reason someone older than about 25 starts to really have a wider age gap is that the life stages significantly slow down at that point, and the maturity level changes much slower. These people are usually at least a couple years into their carreer, so there is less disruption from different life stages, such as one being in high school and the other in college, or one still in school and the other in a carreer. This is also why many places have laws that make it illegal for a teacher to *ahem* be with their student, regardless of ages. They are at significantly different stages of their life, and there is an inherent power differential involved.

 

To clarify a bit, the strongest relationships are often with those you are very similar to (hence why the saying "opposites attract" is horrible ideal). It also so happens that you are often most similar to those closest in your peer group, which often is comprised of people similar to you in age.