Complicated relationship with boyfriend

As someone who owns muitlple online businesses in different fields... you don't need to be in silicon valley, and depending on what it is, you don't need a lot of capital to start it either.

Gen's given great advice here. I'm going to amplify and be a little harsh.

First, healthy 45 year old guys do not get into relationships with people half their age (10 years at that age is one thing; 20 is something different entirely.) The fact he's in this relationship at all *should* tells you there's some sort of issue with him emotionally.

Second, the notion of essentially demanding that you submit to a 3 way relationship to "build wealth" is, to put it mildly, fucked up. It's wrong on a whole bunch of levels.

Third, it is probably not a good idea to get into a business with him, for a couple of reasons. I've had many business partners over the years, and many wonderful business relationships. One of my current business partners and I have worked on many different businesses and projects over 10 years, and one of the reasons it works so well is there is a very high degree of mutual respect; we always listen to each other, we never go forward in anything unless we are both in agreement, and we almost never have disagreements, simply *because* we listen to each other, respect each others' views, and neither of us simply accepts the others' positions, but we discuss until we're both happy. It doesn't sound like you can do that with your boyfriend, and that is a recipe for absolute disaster as far as business goes (let alone relationship.)

Finally, simply moving to Silicon Valley will not get you in the door with venture capitalists. I've met and worked with a number of them, and, with few exceptions, most of the projects they get involved in come through already established connections. You're better off developing the project first and having something to show, and then, if it's an interesting and potentially profitable project, it will be much easier to get VC money, if you need it at all... always best to do without it if you can, because then you don't dilute ownership.

So, in short...

-- Going to Connecticut and/or even hooking up with this guy is a terrible idea. If your intuition says he isn't trustworthy... your intuition will *almost always* be correct and you shoule follow it.

-- Being in a relationship at all with this guy is probably unwise, for the reasons stated above.

-- Being business partners with someone who does not respect your views and treat you as an equal is a *terrible* idea.

-- If you have entrepreneurial aspirations and the energy to do it, you can do it by yourself, or find a healthier partner to do it with. This isn't a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

 

That simply isn't true, and is a sign that you don't have enough confidence or belief in yourself to realize you deserve better. Think of it this way: In a town of 5000, there are, conservatively, 250 gay people out there. They aren't all 40 or otherwise messed up. In fact, I have a friend from rural MN who is in his early 20s and has had several relationships with several guys his own age.

This isn't jsut about age; it's about someone who, as you said, is stuck in his ways, which means he doesn't really value your opinion that much. If he's only willing to change his stance on something because he fears losing you... sorry, but that isn't a relationship of respect, it's a relationship of desperation and dysfunction. Of *course* he doesn't want to lose you! You're half his age and should be dating someone you're worthy of, but instead, you're settling for a guy twice your age, who doesn't truly respect you or your opinions, who is trying to force you to do stuff that isn't appropriate or emotionally healthy, and has very unhealthy, opportunistic, and otherwise fucked up views on life. Really, I'm sorry but... this is *not* a healthy relationship, and you can *definitely* do better.



My boyfriend and I did not do a good job of saying is actually a very smart person. We both never went to college but will do anything to achieve success regardless. We both have disabilities. We are alike in so many ways despite our differences in age.[/QUOTE]