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My best friend is in love with me and idk what to do?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Primrose, Jul 26, 2013.

  1. Primrose

    Regular Member

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    On Monday I was hanging out at her house like we usually do every day, but I noticed that she was acting really strange. She wouldn't talk much and she looked like she was extremely nervous about something. Later when we went to her room, she suddenly told me that she needed to tell me something. But instead of telling me right away, she started asking me if I remembered when we first met and all these other things we used to do together, which made me really worried. To make a really long story short, she confessed to me that she was in love with me and that she's felt this way since we were in elementary. I was completely shocked and just basically sat there staring at her without being able to say anything. I never expected that she was lesbian, much less that she would be able to feel this way about me. She's had bf's here and there, plus she's way more girly than me (which I realize is a really bad stereotype I bought into). I'm ashamed of what I did, but I pretty much walked out of her house in angry tears even though she was crying and begging me to forgive her... Now, I don't know how to feel about this... I've NEVER been attracted to a girl before, but now that I think about what happened, I get butterflies. But at the same time I'm not sure if I'm attracted to her in that way. She's beautiful, infact I think she's a lot prettier than me, but I've never thought about her sexually. But at the same time I can't stop getting butterflies just from the fact that she feels that way about me. Why does this happen to me? Even if I don't think sexually about her, this happens when I think about her now. Does this mean I'm lesbian or is it because she loves me? I think I'm not attracted to girls, but at the same time I think I might be attracted to her. UGH this is extremely difficult to explain. I think what I mean is that I've never been attracted to a girl before, but I have always thought she was pretty, and maybe I find her attractive...Please help, Idk what to think about this. On one hand, I really do love her and I want to try giving her a chance maybe, but on the other I don't know if I can ever care about her the way she likes me. Plus I'm also feeling kind of weirded out about this because it is an uncomfortable situation for me. My parents hate gay ppl and I'm really scared that if they find out about this that they'll reject me and hate her. Please give me advice, this is so confusing for me and I'm literally in tears right now. I don't even know if I can face her after walking out on her, or if she'll even want me to anymore since I've been basically ignoring her since it happened. What should I do?

    I posted his on YA but nobody helped me, so I apologize in advance if this is in the wrong category.
     
  2. Music Heals

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    Talk to her. Tell her that you think you may have feelings for her, but since you've never liked another girl, this is a strange situation for you. She'll understand, trust me. And you don't need to tell your parents about everything if you're overly worried about that. But talking to her will be the most important thing. You could even send an email r something if you're afraid you won't be Abe to say these thins directly to her.

    And as far as you feeling unsure about your sexuality, many people are, at least to the smallest degree, slightly attracted to both sexes is a lot of cases. Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale? It runs from zero to six, where zero is completely absolutely straight, and six is pretty much as gay as you can get. Three would be completely bisexual in this case. You could try labeling yourself as a Kinsey one if you think you need to, but really, you could just call yourself "straight but I may be attracted to this one really beautiful girl" kind of deal. But really, I'd recommend worrying more about how you and your best friend feel rather than about what you would instead need to label yourself.
     
  3. Vikingbeard

    Vikingbeard Guest

    Just to clarify, your profile says you are male, but from this post you are clearly female or female identified?
    Just bringing this up in case you made a mistake editing your profile, you might want to change that it says male if thats inaccurate.

    As for your friend, i think first is first you just need to talk to her. I know its confusing for your and very difficult and upsetting but it is for her too and if you are best friends then its not good at all to ignore her. Coming out to someone is a very difficult not to mention confessing her feelings for you must have taken a lot of courage and fear and trust.

    Whether or not you have feelings for her, you're her best friend and you should do what you can to show her support and let her know that there is nothing wrong with her.
    I guarantee you right now she probably feels a hundred times worse, she might feel that you are disgusted by her or you hate her or no longer want to be friends because of her sexuality.
    Unless you feel those things then it is best to be a good friend and assure her that you're okay with her sexuality and are willing to talk to her about it and that you were just shocked or overwhelmed by her confession.

    I know things like this can often make someone question their sexuality, but it isn't a rush or panic, its something that needs to be taken slow.
    You two need to talk and reestablish your freindship and in the midst of this you need to do your own soul searching to determine how you feel about your sexuality and how you feel about her.

    There's nothing wrong with not being gay or feeling the same way for her just because she feels it for you. Even if you aren't gay or you don't feel the same way for her, the important thing is just being a good friend. Be honest with her and let her know you support and care about her and your friendship with her and that this wont come between it whether you are gay or not.
    She must be terrified at this point, not knowing what you are thinking or whether or not you despise her.

    The first step was seeking out advice and establishing your confusion and thats very good, but strangers can't really tell you who or what you are, hopefully we can help guide you but no one but yourself can determine your sexuality. You need to sit down and talk to your friend. She came out to you and told you something that isn't easy at all, it was a very big and terrifying moment for her and right now she needs to know that her best friend is stil her best friend.
     
    #3 Vikingbeard, Jul 28, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013