Hey everyone, I'm back. Sorry for not logging in for months. Anyway, let's get on with it. Word of warning: explicit description of sexual activity. At a young age, too. Like, VERY young. I have a history of fooling around with some guy I know, two years younger than me, no strings attached. Sort of. Let's go far back... At young ages (7-10), we would experiment as some might expect. I didn't think I was gay or anything yet, but I did find our swordfights fun. Later on (9-12) we would have sleepovers, maybe twice a month, where some sort of activity usually happened, like some touching, but nothing too serious. At the time, we were very nonchalant about it, and we would later always act like nothing happened. Just over two years ago, his family went on vacation, and they took me with them, alone. Kind of weird, sure, but I didn't mind. I went with his parents and sister, same age as me. Anyways, he was 12 and I was 14. We had three "parts" to our trip. Part 1: they rented an apartment from a friend in the area (cheaper than a hotel) and his parents would have one room, I would be with this guy, and his sister in another room. The walls to our room were very thick, so no one could hear us. He slept on the floor next to my bed (talk about honoring your guests :3). Every morning, when we would change (long after morning wood was dealt with), we would look away from each other, but I could tell from stealing a few glances that he had a boner... every time. One morning, I woke up after him, and he was sitting in bed playing on his iPod. I went down onto his bed to see what he was up to, and after several minutes he locked his iPod and put it down, but I didn't get up. After about 30 seconds of intense breathing and avoiding each other's eyes, I reached under the covers and we started rubbing each other. That lasted for a while, because he was inexperienced, so we didn't orgasm. Eventually, his mother knocked on the door telling us to eat breakfast, so I said "enough for now" and put my pajama pants back on, hid my boner, and walked right out of the room. He followed a few seconds later, I finished breakfast before him, and jacked off in the shower. We didn't say a word. Part 2: a few days later, we went to a different part of the country, and stayed in a hotel. In the car, sitting next to him, I put my hand on his leg a few times to let him know I was still interested. Once we got to the hotel, though, he showed almost no interest until late at night. We even had our own room, because his sister and parents were in a different room. Before getting into bed, I caught him looking at me while changing, so I knew he was still up for it. Once we got in bed together, though, there was no activity. At one point after he was asleep I started jerking him, but stopped once I woke him up. He didn't let me continue, unfortunately - he just rolled over and went back to sleep. In the morning, I woke up before him, and started jerking him again. He woke up, and I pulled away, and I guess he didn't realize it, even though his raging erection should have given it away. Anyways, the morning went as usual, and part 2 was the biggest missed opportunity; what a shame it was uneventful. Part 3: we stayed at a (different) friend's house, and the arrangements went that the parents slept in one room while the children in another. One early morning, we both woke up well before his sister. Our erections were showing through our blankets, and his sister was sleeping on her side, turned away from us. I began to rub my own dick, hoping that he would catch on, and he did. He ended up pulling his pants down, so I gave him his first handjob, all while his sister was right behind me. When he came, you could tell it was his first time - he was very surprised. We haven't talked about that vacation since. Fast forward to this year. I've invited him to come swimming in my pool a few times this summer, and on EVERY occasion I have noticed him flaunting his erection. This would include reciprocation from me, and it would follow through to the subsequent hot tub time, and then in the sauna. Both of us had obviously been in the mood, but I was a bit nervous about my parents walking in on us, so I wouldn't make a move. Neither would he, however. It comes to a standstill every time, and I end up getting blueballed. I'm now getting worried that he's trying too hard, and he might be falling in love with me. I don't want that to happen, because I have my eye on someone else, and I also don't want to lose the unspoken "friends with benefits" relationship. Today, we were both showing exhibitionist behavior in the pool - like literally doing backstroke with boners in full view. After a steamy half-hour in the sauna, he went home. Just like every time, we stared at each other's boners, and didn't speak. Sitting there, not moving a muscle, is pretty torturous. This kind of shyness has never happened before. We're just both too nervous to make the first move. So how should I do it? Sorry for putting vivid imagery in your mind of our experimentation - it's difficult to understand our relationship otherwise. Thanks, EF
Well, the bottom line is that a FWB situation only works so long as both parties are of the understanding that it really is no strings attached and there is no emotional involvement. I don't think anyone here can accurately answer whether or not he is getting attached/developing feelings or not, so that's something you'll need to find out for yourself. The best way to sort all of this is out is to communicate. Talk to him. Be open, be honest, figure out what the other person wants/is thinking. If you're old enough to be engaging in sexual activities, you're old enough to deal with all of the responsibilities accompanying them, and talking to your sexual partner is one of (if not the most) important ones.
But... it's just so... awkward to talk to him about it... I've never done it before... what should I say?
Well, of course it's going to be awkward! The topic of sex is awkward for most people, and when you add in the fact that you guys are young, some degree of "not straight" and have never talked about it before it's going to be even more awkward. But, that doesn't mean you can just avoid it; it means you have to muster up the courage and do it. You could start by asking him what he was feeling the last time you guys messed around. You could broach the topic by saying "last time at the pool I noticed you doing the backstroke but things felt really awkward... was it something I did?".
