Right. So my brother, who is 12 years older than I am, was arrested for assaulting his ex-girlfriend. They broke up a couple of weeks ago. I don't know the circumstances of this yet, but I do know that the cops released him to my dad, and they'll be coming back here later on today. Therein lies my problem. I have no idea what to say to him, how to react etc. Apparently he is "in a dreadful state", whatever that means. I haven't been able to get any info on how his ex-girlfriend is. So if anyone could give me some advice on how to talk to him, it would be greatly appreciated. Do I just ignore it, and talk about causal stuff? And also, does anyone know about what kind of consequences he could face? He has a prior criminal record for non-violent crimes from about ten years ago. Could he go to prison? Thanks. I'm kind of anxious about this whole thing.
My brother's a lot like that. As for talking to him, don't try to come off superior, even if you are. Don't mention the crime. Just say something like, "Hey, what's up." My brother has never been arrested because he's never been caught, but knowing him as well as I do, I feel that's how I'd get him to react best in a situation like yours. About his ex-girlfriend. Try to contact her and apologize for your brother. It might seem like she'll be angry at you because you're related, but I don't think she will be. This is based on when my brother broke my friend's Nintendo DS because he didn't get one for christmas--I went over, apologized, and gave him my piggy bank. We're still good friends and I feel like it helped him get over my brother's assholery.
Thanks for the advice. To be honest, he probably feels bad enough without other people making him feel even worse about it. He may be an impulsive angry asshole, but he's not a psychopath. As for contacting his ex, I would, except for the fact that I don't have any contact details or a last name for her. Trust me, I know he's an asshole. No need to apologise. He wasn't exactly pleasant to live with when I was younger.
How bad was the assault? Because my sister had gotten into a fight with her ex previously. He was put on probation for a year and denied contact with her.
Just my view, but from having been involved as a bystander in similar circumstances, I don't know that you need to get in touch with his ex. Unless she has nobody to talk to or help her, going to her ex's family after this will likely be more awkward for her than it's worth. As for your brother, I don't know the circumstances, so it's hard to know exactly how to approach him. I do think Krilky's right about trying not to come off as superior though, because whatever happened, that probably won't get you anywhere. Otherwise, I suspect that a lot of your family will be drawing their own boundaries and deciding for themselves exactly what sort of connection they want to have with your brother right now, and it's only fair that you be able to do the same, even if your boundaries are different than other people's boundaries.
Hey guys. Thanks for responding. There has been a development, which I'm really upset about, and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I'd thought that this one was a single occurrence, that he lost his temper and attacked her, which while that would be completely unjustified, was, you know, a one time thing. But it turns out that isn't the case. He hasn't been reacting like I'd expect a normal person (one who simply lost his temper) to react. He's been depressed, and hasn't been sleeping or eating, but he's been depressed because his girlfriend cheated on him. Not because he fucking assaulted her. I heard him crying to my dad saying "how could she do this to me" over and over. But the case is, apparently, that she didn't even cheat on him. They'd already broken up, and he went over there to try and fix things. He "felt suspicious", so he took her phone and went through it, and found that she'd slept with another guy. So he lost his temper and assaulted her. She called the cops, and they arrested him. He said that she was exaggerating etc. Given that this was the first time, apparently its very unlikely that she would have called the cops. So yeah, my mother's friend is works with severely abused women, and she says that my brother is a serial abuser (I don't know if thats the correct term, but it gets the message through). He's controlling, psychologically abusive. He tries to isolate his girlfriends. He doesn't believe that they've broken up even though she's made it very clear. That is all signs of an abuser, apparently. Its worth mentioning that before he moved in with my family, he watched his mother getting abused by her boyfriend (his mother is not my mother, and his mother's boyfriend is not either of our fathers). She left him, then took him back many, many times. So this is much more serious than I'd thought. I don't know what to do .
