I need some advice. Recently started a new job, which I freaking love. First time in 8 years I go to work happy and excited. My coworkers are great. So it's all good. Now there's this guy (isn't there always one :lol and I feel he's into me. He walks by my desk constantly, makes small talk and there's constant eye contact. At drinks after work it sort of morphed into all-out-flirting with touching my arm and stuff. It's fun and nice. I like him too so the attention is nice. Here's the ugly catch: He's my boss. The reason I'm not really taking it any further from my side other than small talk and 'good morning' and 'seeya' is because I feel it's just inappropriate. I can see he's confused about me giving mixed signals because I am just not going to initiate any flirting unless he does. I feel totally weird about that. Sure I'll respond to him when he strikes up a conversation and we click quite well, but I am just uncomfortable initiating it because of the work relationship. He's not even my direct boss, there's another manager in-between. But I'm so confused about it. He seems interested as he's obviously constantly trying to get my attention. Even through others. And he's not even doing it in any inappropriate way, so it's not like it's a problem for anyone the way it is now. But I'm conflicted, because even though it would feel right, if someone would come to me with this story I would totally ask them if they were insane!!! I mean, what if at some point down the road he has to evaluate my performance?? That's not his task, but it could come up through my direct manager if I did something wrong or whatever. I feel this is an obstacle that's quite difficult to overcome if he would want to take this flirting thing any further. Is this why they say love is blind? Should I run like hell? Thanks in advance.
Obviously there are problems with having relationships in your reporting chain. First question is - is this guy openly gay? If he is, that makes the next conversation both easier and harder. You need to explain to him how what he is doing is inappropriate, even though he might not see it that way right now. Romance at work, especially among people that report into each other, are fraught with difficulty. If he's not openly gay, then we have something of a problem. Without outing him, or even questioning his sexuality really, you have to have the same conversation with him. Things could get difficult there. In the end, if things start getting inappropriate, you might have to report him to the HR department, which might be a bit awkward, depending on how out you and he both are, and where you live - there are sadly still places even in the US where you can get fired simply for being gay. That's completely wrong, obviously, but it is the reality that we live in.
There is such a thing as "corporate homosexuality", Lord knows how many people get hired on that basis alone...but what ends up happening are a lot of confused employees... It is a precarious position to be in. If something happens between you two, and then it's made public, you might as well take cover as all the other employees resent your "special status"...it's lose-lose...I would avoid it.
To clarify, he and I are both out. As are many others as it is a very gay-friendly company. Also, his flirting isn't inappropriate, it's more adorable actually. So no need to report anything. It's more the potential relationship that could come out of this that I feel is inappropriate. But I do agree that's why it's best not to let it go there. I just hope he doesn't fall in love because while I will definitely let him know it's impossible, I also know it will be difficult for me to resist him because I could see myself falling in love. Anyway, thanks for the advice.
