My friends are protecting me from the truth. And now I know everything

So I met up with my friend today because she wanted to talk about my sexuality after I came out to her. She's really receptive, and she told me she think she's bi, which makes me super excited to have a friend who's sorta in the same boat. Talked for a while. All is good, and then she told me about some of the shit that's been flying around the school. I told her that I really didn't want to know, but she told me anyway...

While this isn't new for me, to find out that someone has been saying things behind my back nor is this the worst thing I've encountered. I love my friends because of the fact that they totally protect me from shit that flies.

Apparently during the big school trip, a whole bunch of friends decided to talk about if I was gay or not. My closer friends, who I've known since pre school told them to all shut up. Okay, I was pretty flamboyant on the trip, and I did some things that I regret doing, but it was an "If I do something dumb, it's okay because I have to deal with things that others don't" moment. There was a lot of shoulder touching because a lot of them were freaking out about random things. In hindsight, it was a bad move, but I just felt so free from being okay with the fact that I'm gay and I could just be me. It wasn't sexual, it was just a poor judgement decision on my part. Now they make fun of me for it, which makes me really uncomfortable which i openly state, yet they refuse to back off. What makes me more angry is the fact that these are my friends, and if you REALLY want to know if I'm gay ask me. Don't go panhandling my closer friends for information. They've even shipped me with the male band teacher and then told him... He's at least 10-15 years older than me.

I don't know why I feel so bothered by this. Before I thought that I would be fine knowing that something would be said at school because its happened before. I just didn't expect it from those closest to me. Now I want to talk to all of them and I'm debating whether I should just come out... Help? Counselor is on vacation till next week so I'm a bit stuck right now. I'm not angry at most of them for wondering. It's pretty obvious, but having a secret meeting with what feels like everyone (8+ people) and talking about it is not okay with me. Idk if I feel like crying because of how this has been handled or being happy that my closer friends are looking out for me.

Thanks to all of you.

 

Hey Bluesky, thanks for the advice.

I did do something that made me seem totally gay. Sorry about the confusion. Like with big broadway lights going "Flight is gay, you may now proceed to gossip"

I don't mind it when people speculate. I find it more freeing when they ask me. But since EVERYONE from my band class was on this trip, it makes me feel like there was some roundtable discussion over it. I might be exaggerating this, but it certainly FEELS like it. If Cindy and Abby (fake names) want to talk about it between themselves that's fine. I really don't mind because I do it sometimes. I know there's no harm in it (most of the time), people are just curious and open about it and haters will be haters. I know I should dish what I can't take. I've never had my sexuality spiral into a huge discussion and that's the part that bothers me.

They're not telling the teacher about me, that's the thing. They are hinting at it, but it was so awkward between him and I after the told him that they picture us as a couple. They wrote a confession letter about all of the things that happened during the year and the last 1/4 of it was about me and ALL of the people they ship (aka if you put Peeta with Katniss you get Peeniss... Thx Luthan...). If you make Peeta me and Katniss any guy or girl in my class you get a ship.

God i feel like such a high school diva right now. It's not that big a deal, but I can't seem to explain how I feel. High school has its highs and lows. It's not like i want to kick all of them, because I'm comfortable in my skin now. I know it's not that I'm happy that they talked about it. I feel like I've been betrayed, but that's what girls in high school do. They gossip. At least my friends do. We throw random insults at each other that are just for fun (aka kidding around). Nothing serious, but you'd think a person's sexuality would be a no go area.

Corey, the majority of my friends are girls which just adds to the drama. Love all of them, but my god sometimes I swear. That leads to problems sometimes especially with my parents. "Flight why do you hang out with so many girls?" "Because they're a hell of a lot nicer to me than the guys." I wouldn't trade them for the world though.

I'mma tell my friend who protected me that I'm gay. She deserves to know. We've been distant for so long, and she still has the will to defend me.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling. I can never seem to synthesis my thoughts when I post here.

Thanks you guys!

 

So just a few updates, if anyone is interested in knowing. Slept on it.

I came out to the girl who defended me that night. Okay, she really can't take a hint. "Let's get one thing straight, I'm not." "Wait so you aren't gay. Right?" *facepalm*

She took it really well. If anything this whole thing has driven me closer to my friends. I didn't even know they cared that much about me. We haven't been terribly close this year. If anything we've fought more than we ever have. So yay! Horrible situation always have a bright side.

Debating whether I want to come out to the speculators now that I know what's up. I sorta just want to out myself to get them to shut up about it. But maybe that will bring a whole bunch of other problems. I really want to know why they did it in the first place.

I think the biggest problem that I have now is that when we hang out, I know what they did. It's a trust thing for me. Who knows what else they've said behind my back. The other issue that I have, and I wouldn't be making such a stink about it if they were people I knew but not close to me. I don't give a damn about what strangers say. I can't say things around them anymore for a fear of being judged. I now have to watch what I do and say. And I'll always be wondering what they say about me behind closed doors. Good news is I have true friends who are always honest about what really happens.

I don't like being baited into typical high school situations and having a reaction. It's really a older version of playground gossip, but the kids were way meaner in elementary school. I want to move past this and grow up. I've been lucky to dodge these bullets in high school, but no longer.

So three options:
A) I out myself
B) I keep quiet about it
C) I drop them as friends( That's going to be a hard one.)

Thoughts?

Thanks to all of you who care!