This has been bugging me for about a year now, and now it's to the point that its all I think about. Last summer, a friend of mine that I had know for about 4 months started hanging out, going fishing, watching sports, like what friends do. We'll call him Jim. So Jim and I (Ben) started to become really good friends. He came over one day and found my fleshlights. I had told him and everyone else about them so it was no big deal, just a shock that a 15 year old had sex toys. He laughed at first, but said he wanted to try. After I said ok, he started jerking off and getting hard right in front of me. I just watched for a second before he asked if I was going to join. Confused, but for some reason I liked the idea of what might happen. I started to jerk off as well, and in 30 seconds where both hard. We took the fleshlights out and lubed up, and we where jerking off. After a min or so, he looked at me and asked if I wanted to switch. So we did, and we finished. Later on my other friend, Nick, came over. Later that night nick had left to go to the bathroom or something, and Jim turned to me and said he'd blow me later. My heart started racing, I wasn't sure what was going on. So later that night, after nick had fell asleep, Jim grabbed my dick. I grabbed his and started stroking, and I blew him. Later on that month, he came on vacation with me and Nick. Me and Jim slept in the same bed, while nick got the couch in the same room. When nick went to sleep, Jim pulled his pants down and said "fuck my ass". I put it in way too fast, and he cried saying "Take it out! It hurts!" I did, and held on to him, hugging him, trying to appologize without actually appologizing. After a couple, he said "Give me a rimmy". I don't know why I did it, or why I liked it, but I rimmed him. And loved it. I let him fuck me, and it felt amazing. We did this just about every night on that vacation, sometimes even the morning. Any time we'd do something that involved sleeping over, I'd rim and suck him. It probably ended up being a couple times a month. One time it was just me and him for the first time, so we fucked like we did on vacation. But I did what my be the most embarrassing moment of my life, I shit on his dick. We laughed it off, but it happened. We didn't do anything for a while after that. But this spring we started again, I started douching so it would happen again. This is when I realized its not about the sex, I love this kid. I'm in love with him. I found myself wanting to be with him all the time, wanting to text him all day, but it never happened. When we are together, there's something there. He treats me different than everyone else, like my opinion matters. We always sit together and our entire bodies are touching, not just because we sit next to each other. It's like we both try to make it happen. I've tested to see if its all just a coincident, but it happens every time. Every. Single. Time. We've never talked about anything we do, but anytime something sexual is said with us in the room he shoots me a smirk. The thing is we don't ever hang out anymore, but when we do there is definitely something there between us. I always want, sometimes I ask, to be with him, but he never wants to. My theory is that he's afraid to be gay, or he's as confused as I am. This can't be just curiosity if its been going on for a year. I'm not as thin as he is, but he's not really that cute. I think I love him because he is who he is. If I had a choice, I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I'm only 16, but if any of you felt this way you'd understand. The though of him with anyone else make this sharp pain go through my entire chest and I just fall apart. I know it'll never happen, I know we won't ever be more than fuck buddies unless something changes. I think he's afraid, but how can I be sure? I'm a mess. I'm afraid I'm losing him, and the only way to get him is to tell him how I really feel about him, but if I do that I might never talk to him again. Please help, any ideas or inputs are appreciated. Thanks guys, Ben ---------- Post added 30th Jul 2013 at 05:27 AM ---------- I didn't realize it, but I sound confusing through the whole post. If I need to clarify anything, just ask. Thanks again
Welcome to EC! Your post is perhaps a bit heavier on what we like to call "war stories" than it perhaps needed to be, but that's fine. Did you just suddenly stop having sex? Was the "shit-dick" incident the sudden and complete end of everything? One thing I maintain for everybody. If you're mature enough to have sex, you're mature enough to talk about it. And if you're not, you need to MAKE yourself mature enough to talk about it. Next time you get him alone, say you want to talk about it. You don't have to "come out" at the outset, or tell him of your feelings for him. It might be best to simply keep things on the sex for now. "I miss having sex with you. I'd like to go back to having that. If you'd rather not, I guess that's OK, but I'd rather know now than sit around waiting for something to happen that isn't going to." Maybe he'll want to continue having sex right away. In which case, you can jump right back into it. Or you might want to nudge things away from the sexual. "I don't want to weird you out, but I've started thinking about us. It's almost like we're a couple. I don't know if that's something you've ever thought about, or maybe it's something you don't want to happen. But if you're game, it's something I think I'd be willing to try." Maybe he'll be interested in having sex again, but the "incident" still weighs on his mind. In which case, just tell him you can do things not involving your ass for the time being. Or maybe he'll say he doesn't want to do it anymore. In which case you'll have a few more options. You can simply accept that. He was "experimenting", and he currently no longer wants to. The best move at that point would be to say "Well, I'm disappointed, but let me know if you ever change your mind." Or you can lay your cards out on the table. "Look, let me be honest here. I really liked having sex with you. But I really thought we had something going here that went beyond the sex. I was starting to think maybe we were slowly becoming a couple. Maybe you didn't feel that way. Or maybe you do feel that way, and you don't want to go that route. But I want you to know, upfront, that if you DO feel that way, I feel that way as well, and I'd love to give it a go." But again, you'll have to accept whatever answer he gives you at that point. Good luck. The first round with sex and potential boyfriends is always the most nerve-wracking. Lex
