This has nothing to do with sexuality; I just wanted your opinions. Is it normal for family members to say please and thank you when asking favours? My mum asked me a favour today, to go down to a restaurant and fetch her a meal. She didn't say please or ask nicely - she just sort of demanded it. I said I would if she asked nicely, because that is how I like to be treated and how I treat others. She completely refused and had a tantrum and didnt speak to me all day, until the evening when she announced that she would never do anything for me again. Just for a bit of context, my mother is known to be overly demanding and doesn't do anything for herself - she expects everyone to rush around her. As a result, she is very overweight. We do not get along, and on sseveral occasions she has told me that I make her want to commit suicide (a fact that she completely denies when confronted). My teacher suspected that something was off between after witnessing a tiny snippet of her controlling behaviour at parents' evening and sent me to the school counsellor. Anyway, our relationship confuses me, and I sometimes wonder if I get things out of perspective. Was I wrong about how family can speak to each other? My mum says that it's totally ok to not say please or thank you (and as result my brother refuses to ever use thhe words) - is she right and I'm just overly fussy? Be honest please. Thanks for your help.
She is totally in the wrong, Manners cost nothing & should always be used, how did you learn your Manners if she doesn't use them? I am a firm believer of Treat Others, as You Yourself Expect To Be Treated
I think that when I was younger I didn't have very good manners, but as I got older I started to appreciate them. My teachers and friends taught me ---------- Post added 30th Jul 2013 at 09:49 PM ---------- ^^to expand on the above - my parents always say that they can treat children differently to how children treat adults I.e. I shouldn't expect things of them, such as manners, I should just do as I'm told and not question it. But I can't imagine being impolite to my own child and expecting them to be polite back? Is it just me or is that somewhat hypocritical?
I know someone exactly like that, no manners, no class, fat and lazy (sister in law). It is astounding how these people get what they want by just sitting there. And the hell she gives everyone when she doesn't get what she thinks she deserves! Manners are important, use them always, be pleasant as much as possible (without being a doormat). I come from a generation that takes that for granted (exception noted above), there's no reason for this to continue.
Even if that were true, the thing is, you're not a child. You are an adult. You cannot walk into your 44 year-old child's house and tell them to clean their room. These things have expiration dates.
Yeah my step-dad is like this a lot. He never says please or thank you for anything from me. He just demands that I do what he says and respect him and keep my mouth shut. I'm not big on showing respect to people that don't show it to me. Especially when I do A LOT for him. My mom typically uses manners when she asks me to do things, but she forgets sometimes and that's alright because she's not snarky and demanding so it doesn't bother me.
You are not her property, so she shouldn't be demanding things to you. If she wants you to do something for her, you have to want to do it, since you are not a slave. The way she asks you things, I completely understand why you don't want to do it. It's not a favor, it's an order. A ''please'' and a ''thank you'' shouldn't be something hard to say and that's what separate a favor from an order, in my opinion. She's in the wrong, like many have said before me.
My mom does the exact same thing. It feels like a double standard when you treat your parents one way, but they don't exchange the favour. If anything manners should be used more by adults. I've held doors for people who don't say thank you when I was obviously waiting for them. It annoys the crap out of me.
I don't use "please", "thank you" and "sorry" with my parents and I never did. To my parents, it would sound cold and formal. But it's a completely different relationship than the one described here. In my case there's true mutual respect, there always was.. I do use them in all other circumstances, though.
Ok thanks guys, good to know that I am not completely crazy and just a stubborn teenager! Any advice on how to deal with her? She displays a lot of the signs of narcissistic personality disorder and is near impossible to live with. Should I just grit my teeth and bear it until I move to university in september? I. E just do as she says.
Also, I am going on holiday with my friends this summer and have been saving up for ages through various jobs. About half my money will be spent on this, and the rest is for university. I have taken out a loan, so will only have to pay a small amount up front. After booking the holiday, my mother told me that she will not be giving me a single penny any longer, even though she can afford it. I will therefore have to get a job through university and basically have no social life, just to afford the cost of living. Does anyone living in England know of any way that I can get some sort of funding? I have already applied for student finance giving details of my parents finances, as the university assumes that I will have some financial support from them, but my parents didn't tell me until today that this is not the case.
I experience a similar problem with my mother. She's rude, vulgar, and has little to no manners whats so ever. I've always been overly conscious of my own manners and politeness. People would joke that i wasn't really my mother's child due to our conflicting personalities. I'm quiet, timid,and polite whereas she's loud and demanding. She never asks for anything, just tells me to do it. She then yells when I don't follow her orders exactly how she wanted or if i make a mistake. I'm not allowed to say no to her and she doesn't thank me when I do complete a task for her. I also have a little brother who seems to have inherited her lack of manners. My grandmother is aware of my mother's behavior and wants me to move in with her after high school, if I don't go to a college right away. Her advice to me is to just bear with it till I move out.
Seems that way doesn't it. I noticed the similarities and just had to add my thoughts on the matter. Patience and tolerance is the way to go, although i'm starting to reach my limits for both. Wish I was off to a college or university next month.
So how do you generally respond? Does it make a difference either way? Luckily I am of to uni in just over a month! Very happy to leave.
