1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Are My Views of Love Selfish?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Carbine, Jul 31, 2013.

  1. Carbine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2013
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ABQ
    Gender:
    Female
    Sorry about the length. But I figured it'd be better to ramble a bit than leave something out and be misunderstood.
    My views on love are...quite...intense would be a nice way to say it. In a nutshell, I'm not comfortable with casually saying "I love you" to friends and short-time significant others and the like. I believe if I'm in love with someone, that's either going to be the person I'm with forever or someone who I'll love and be there for regardless of whether we're together or not.
    My boyfriend of about three months now (he's polar-opposite me, but the meloromantic, hyper-active wierdo is quite fantastic, damn him. FtM- as if that matters at all- sweet, affectionate, freaking gorgeous eyes, I could gush on, but don't tell him I said anything so gross and squishy...) verrrrry fervently claims to be completely in love with me. He's aware of my views, but doesn't really seem put off by them. He's one of the most overly-patient, accepting people I've ever met in my life. I don't know what I'm doing at all with romantic relationships, so I don't have anything to compare ours to. I don't know if this is something as "special and perfect" as he claims...sometimes it feels like it, though. We've come to be very close friends as well as "lovers" and talk openly about pretty much everything, but this seems way too touchy for me to be able to bring up with him. Hence my asking strangers on the internet.
    The way he is and the things he says...make(s?) me sort of question my beliefs a bit. What if, at least by some other definintion, I am in love with him? The idea doesn't seem so absurd. Are my ideals way too much? Or are his more similar to mine than I think? I won't lie, they're sort of "based off" the idea of Eternity from Jame's O'Barr's Crow graphic novels .-. The whole "real love is forever" thing.
    He's like a puppy (in more ways than one, but that's not the point.) He gives me the most *absurdly* affectionate look I've ever seen on anyone. I didn't think it was even possible for a human being to *look* so loving. It's kind of ridiculous and he doesn't even realize he's doing it. He seems one-hundred-and-ten-persent positive he loves me and his devotion to, complete trust in, and reliance on me...astonishes and sometimes scares me. He's had a rough life because of his gender identity, non-accepting family, and...general suckish luck. He hardly trusts anyone, but has complete faith in me for some unknown reason. I'm in every way his "rock," his guard dog. It's kind of stupid how much he trusts me and how much I feel like I'm responsible for protecting him.
    Am I really just holding true to my beliefs, or being a bit selfish in completely holding off on saying "I love you?"
    I'd really appreciate any advice here. I think I need some other opinions.
     
  2. srslywtf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2013
    Messages:
    780
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Australia
    Love is a feeling that occurs right now!

    The idea of 'eternal love' is terribly romantic, but rationally flawed. People change throughout their life. No matter how much you and he love each other now, there's no telling what either of you will love in the future. You may love each other forever, but nobody can say what will happen in the future.

    If you selflessly love someone and they reach a point where they are no longer happy being with you, your love should enable them to find a place they are happy, not try to grasp onto them and tie them down to you.

    Most people don't want to hear this, but it's the way the world works. I'm not saying love doesn't exist, I'm just saying love is a shared feeling, not some material concept of eternal binding.
     
  3. Carbine

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2013
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ABQ
    Gender:
    Female
    That does help, thanks. Especially since I'm very logically-minded and not that intentionally romantic.