I'm a straight guy dating a lesbian, I really need some advice

Dear all,

Short intro: I'm a 29 European male and straight. I'm very passionate about women and have a good heart. I have kissed with men a few times, but it's not my cup of tea. I'm a very soft and honest person with a good heart and I'm very sweet. I definitely have femine features and I'm really sensitive. I'm liked by many girls for these reasons, though I'm not player and I respect women.


I am active at an online website where you can host people or be hosted when traveling, but where you can also meet people who're traveling. About two months ago I read a post from a girl from Latin-America who's coming to my town and was searching for a place, because she wanted to go to an electronic party. I said I couldn't host her, because on her date of arrival I would be on my last day of my own travel. We agreed that we should meet on the party. It looked like a great idea because we are both passionate about electronic music. I read in her profile that she was lesbian, so I didn't get any nasty ideas or intentions and just wanted to meet a nice person.

So, the evening itself we met outside of the party and she came to me and hugged me and immediately gave me a kiss on the lips . I was ofcourse really confused ... so I thought, ok, she is just very liberal, no big deal. Inside the party we immediately got along and we had this insane chemistry. She started giving me a kiss on the lips now and then. At a certain moment she told me she was crazy about me and that she really liked me. I told her she was nuts and had to wait a bit, because she didn't even know me and that it's really dangerous to trust people. If you present yourself like this as a girl to a guy, maybe unpleasant things can follow, I told her. I said she's very naive to come to Europe with this mentality. This made her like me even more, because I obviously didn't want to abuse her and she felt safe. I tried to calm her down a bit for an hour or so, but after that she started kissing me again. She was telling me non-stop that she loved me, that she wanted to marry me and that though she likes only girls, I would be the only exception and she would see me as her boyfriend if I would live in her city. I, ofcourse, was really cautious and didn't reply to this. But, I'm really attracted to her, so we started to make out. By the end of the night she suddenly said 'please, don't fall in love with me, I'm a lesbian and I really like girls, can I trust you?' I said 'yes'. (confused as hell)

She asked me if she could stay with me after the party and I said it wasn't any problem. I told her she could trust me and I respected her, but I didn't want any sex. It made her love me even more :s.

After the party we went to my room and talked for hours. The day afterwards she stayed the whole day. We talked and it seems that we have so much in common. Though, we were cuddling the whole day, she didn't make a move to kiss me and I left it like that. She went to her host to get her stuff and then stayed with me for a few days. The day afterwards was again magical, pure chemistry, cuddling and kisses on the cheeks, but when I tried to kiss her on the mouth, she didn't want to kiss back :dry:.

Day afterwards we went to a party and again she was holding me and now and then giving me a kiss on the lips. At a certain moment a very attractive girls was hanging around me and trying to get my interest and seduce me. I was with a girl, so ofcourse, I didn't care. My friend told me she liked the girl and asked me to tell her .. I did, the girl then showed some interest in a threesome and I declined. But my friend then kissed her, I got very very angry. When she saw my face she said 'please, don't, you know I like girls'.

(So what if you like girls, I also like girls, does that mean I am going to kiss them in front of you?)

I got angry and took her outside and started to talk to her. I said that she has no right to come in my life and saying she loves me and making me fall in love with her. And then, worse of all, just make out with another girl and leave me there all confused. I said she did really bad and if she thinks that because she's a hot girl kissing a hot girl I would be turned on she's mistaken. I don't care about that crap. Life is not a porn movie. We talked for a few hours more later in my room and we both cried a lot. I confessed that I am madly in love with her and I demanded answers. It was very hard for her to talk and she said she has feelings for me, but she doesn't know what to do because she never liked a boy and never has been with a boy. The next two days we spent together and it was a mixture of pleasure and crying. I was crying a lot because I love her so much, but that I was scared that it wouldn't be enough because she's normally into girls. She was crying because she was confused.

She left to Berlin, because she only has one month to discover Europe. After two days she was already back because she missed me.

In september I'm leaving to Africa and I told her I didn't want to, because I really like her and I want to move to her country. I said I didn't know what to do and that I wanted answers. She just didn't give any response at all. I asked if I could be her boyfriend and she said she wants to try, but she can't guarantee. When I asked if she is attracted to me fysically she didn't really give an answer. I said it's important that she desires me in a sexual way or it would never work out. ... No answers (she's very shy with emotions and not used to talk). We went to a family party in a very beautiful hotel/restaurant. We went hiding in an abandoned floor and made out again.

Now, since day one she has been looking at me like she's really in love with me. You know, staring for 10 min with eyes that melt. I see the exact same behavior like I have seen with other girls who are in love.

Yesterday she left to go Amsterdam, she was supposed to go at 8 in the morning but she left in the late afternoon. When we woke up, I started to kiss her and for the first time she really let herself go, we had an outstanding kiss party. I started to kiss her belly and then removed her top and started to kiss her nipples. I went on top of her and her breathing was hard and her nipples were hard, I think she liked it. I wanted to go further, but she told me she had her period. I asked if that was a lie to not have sex, but then I saw blood on the sheets, apparently it came that same night. Oh, well.

I went with her to the train station and she said she will try to come back a third time. Now .. knowing it's her first time in Europe and she spends so many days just to be with me in my house, ... I know it's a good sign.

So, here I am now, alone, very, very in love with her. She's really stunning, she looks gorgeous, everyone turns around to stare at her. To be honest, I don't know how I got a girl this attractive. She is 100 percent my type in looks and in character. I really want something serious.

So, in september I'm going to Africa for a year, I have a dream job ... though, I just wanna give up on everything and follow her to Latin-America. But, ... it would be really hard for me to find a job there and I also have zero savings. Besides, one time I moved already to another country for a girl and it diddn't work out anymore, so I have had some bad experience already.

The thing is ... she said she would let me come, but she cannot promise anything. She said that if she doesn't like it anymore or doesn't like the sex, I can be left with a broken heart. And that is what scares me. What if she realizes it's just a phase, just the vacation spirit or we have sex and she sees it's not her thing. Then I'm there without a job or money and I lost my opportunity in Africa.

She's finishing her school in December and told me she wants to come look me up in Africa. I said I wanna work hard and I'll try to earn enough for both of us if she wants to stay a few months. She's totally up for the idea.

Few thoughs:
- I'm going to go crazy this long without her.
- I'm really scared that she won't come and just think it was a stupid idea.
- She already kissed a girl in front of me, she has told me she has cheated before as well. (I told her if she does something, I don't want to know and if she choses to come, that's what's important)
- She is very attractive and I have seen pics of her ex'es, all extremely beautiful women. She attracts pretty girls like flies and I'm really scared that she will date a girl out of loneliness, because six months will be too long.

I'm really sad, I'm very scared that she will break my heart. I never thought I could be this crazy about a girl this fast. I know she adores me and I adore her as well, but she's really a lesbian in the first place. But why she came to kiss me ... why is she coming back to my house, why she keeps telling me that she loves me?

What should I do, should I follow her and risk it all?
Should I wait for her and then have a immediate good relationship test?
Should I just forget her and date other girls to forget her?

The thing is ... this girl is the girl of my dreams. Since I was little I wanted a girl like her, she has all the qualities that I'm looking for and her looks are just perfect. SHe's really my type.

I don't know what to do, I'm so sad. I am so scared she will break my heart.

What do I do???

Ps: when I asked her if she sees me like a kind of boyfriend the last day she said yes.
Pss: I asked as a test if she ever wanted children and she said maybe and she said if she would have it, it would be only with me.


Aaargh, please, help

 

This is really the girl of my dreams, really. I have been dreaming of her since I was little. Her character has everything I want and her looks are 100 percent my type, she is absolutely gorgeous. We really match. She also told me we make a good couple and she thinks we look really beautiful together. She texts me several times a day that she misses me and that she's coming back for two days before returning to her country. She again said she's serious about going to Africa and that she wants to do things slowly step by step.

I asked if she liked to be with a boy and having me take care of her, kissing her, having her sleep on my chest etc and she claims she really likes it.

I'm really scared though ... really.

You know, it wouldn't be bad to have sex before she leaves. This way I would know if she would be into it or not. But to be honest, it's really way to fast I think. Why does she need to live this far???

Funny thing is that I got to know my ex-wife the same way, a latina backpacking through Europe and I went to live in Latin-America for her. (patern ... I know)

I have really good intentions btw :/. I'm very scared to become depressed

 

This is not to brag or about ego, just want to paint an honest picture about myself.
I'm very very different than the average guy. I'm extremely sensitive, emphatic, socially intelligent, soft, very sweet and I really know how to treat a girl , it comes naturally. I know it's because I'm so different that she likes me. I'm not a typical guy at all.

I'm scared this will become a trainwreck though.