My Gay friend

Give hime time. Coming out is a huge leap; it's liberating, it's relieving, it causes many people to have a mini-sexual revolution. I came out to my close friends a couple of months ago, and at first it was all I wanted to talk about because I'd been denying myself the opportunity to talk about it for so long. Now that it's been a while and I've calmed down, I'm over it. Just embrace the fact that your friend trusts you enough to tell you, acknowledge how hard it was for him to do and how excited he must be to have finally got it off his chest, and then give him some time to get his head around the fact that he's no longer keeping this huge secret, and eventually he'll settle down and allow his sexuality to become just another part of his life.

Another word of warning, because you're implying you want absolutely nothing to change: don't try and repress his sexuality. I see people on here all the time saying how upset they are that their friends act as though they've forgotten that they came out. I realise that you're cool with him being gay and wouldn't mean offence if you didn't act like anything changed, but even so it can sting if you refuse to acknowledge it at all.

I hope this helps! Let us know how it goes (*hug*)

 

Do you mean that you think his sexuality is wrong or just how he's expressing it? If it's the former, then it will upset him and probably a lot of his and your other friends by telling him that. If it's really going to come between you then you should probably try and reduce your friendship before either one of you gets hurt.

If you're just uncomfortable with the things he's talking to you about, then like I said just give him a couple of weeks to calm down from the shock of coming out and things should settle back down to normal. If not, then you're within your rights to (politely) tell you that he's making you uncomfortable and ask him not to talk to you about it quite as much.

You shouldn't try to stop him being himself though. He is still his own person, not just somebody to please you, and the coming out process is going to change him. Sometimes it's subtle, for other people it's more obvious. Like I said, coming out can cause a revolution in people's lives, so he's probably still trying to find himself. Just be patient with him for now and let him know he has your support.

 

This is me speaking on a personal level, when I was in the Closet, I had know one to talk to about my feelings about being Gay, this is what was killing me inside, I was living a lie & I was not able to be myself, when I finally came out to a Friend, for the 1st time in y life I was able to be me & talk about my hopes, my Fears & my Aspirations about being Gay :newcolor:

There is to ways to preach religion, the right way & the wrong way, the right way tells Christians that God & Jesus are loving & Non-Judgmental (Atheist cover your ears up & look the other way)
They are told that God & Jesus loves everyone & we are all created in Gods Image, that nobody is perfect & we are all sinners.

Now you have the wrong way to preach religion, these preachers interpret the Bible how they what to interpret it, these are known as the Fire & Brimstone Preachers, these are the ones who use the Bible to spread hatred, their day on Judgment Day will come :eusa_naug
They tell people that Homosexuals are sinners & that they are bad people for loving someone of the same sex, they banish them from the House of God, even though the doors of any type of Church should be open to everyone!

What your Friend now needs is your support, being Gay is part of who he is, being Gay is not a choice, his God made him that way, if you had a friend that was Straight, would you tell him he can't talk to you about his Girlfriend, in order to be his Friend, you have to accept he is Gay & move on, otherwise, let him go!

 

You mean like most straight guys talk about girls?

He's recently come to accept his identity. Of course he wants to talk about it, in the same way if you found out something new and exciting about yourself, you'd want to talk about it loads even if it did bore other people.

He'll grow out of it eventually as it transgresses from 'new' to just another contextual factor of himself. But I must reiterate, we live in a very heterosexual society and LGBT people have to constantly endure heterosexuality being forced onto us. Hopefully this experience enlightens you and makes you more compassionate; just as you hate hearing about his homosexuality, many gay people hate hearing about straight guys bashing pussy or what ever.

I personally think all sexual talk should be toned down just because I'm a private person and firmly believe that sex should only be spoken between the two (or more) people. But ye, I constantly hear from my straight male friends, and even sometimes my straight female friends, about how they fuck pussy and what positions they like and how easy it was for them to get laid and whatever else they fancy, which makes me just as awkward as you probably feel, but if I say anything I'm imposing on their freedom of speech or whatever (which, to be fair, they would have a point. So I usually sit there silently and awkwardly, while holding back the gags, lol). Your gay friend is really just doing the exact same thing as what every other normal bloke seems to do.

 

The way I see it is this. You need to figure out what your boundaries are and then talk to him about those boundaries. It's okay to say, "You know John, I really admire the fact that you were able to come out to me and I want to support you as much as possible. However, I'm highly uncomfortable talking about gay sexual positions, etc. Is it possible that we can talk about your gayness without talking about the sexual part of it? I'd love to hear about your boyfriend and know when you go out on a date. But the sexual part is just hard for me."

Then again, I'm known for being super blunt too.

ymmv.

 

Even if you did grow up in a conservative surroundings, when it comes to sexuality, there's a huge difference between the two of you. You are free to show interest or to comment or to ogle. Maybe it's not what you'd do, but it's your choice. You can if you want to. He never experienced such freedom. Coming out to you wasn't just a sign of his trust (which it is) but more importantly, a sign that he couldn't take it anymore. Now he feels more free than he ever felt. With you, he can throw away the mask.
After years of being closeted, really, after coming out it's all you can think of. Others have said the same already, but I'll add my own experience; when I first came out, every other topic, no matter what it was, was pale and boring to death in comparison. I was lucky to have, at that time, a friend who never showed any sign of disinterest; on the contrary and to my eternal gratitude, he very often raised the topic himself.

All that aside, you are allowed to tell him you don't feel comfortable. Just be honest. You seem to care for him and you are basically ok with homosexuality, but you are battling against your learned homophobia. That's ok, really, because he does as well. Be clear about being a friend and accepting him fully. Be clear that your homophobia will not change anything and that you will work on it (as you already plan, so this is nothing new). Other than that, you can't really do much wrong. Just be a friend.

As far as topics of conversation go, ok, that will probably not change with him for some time, but eventually it will.

Also, you seem to be a great friend. Kudos to you for that.

 

Don't take on his problems. Just offer support.

Tell him it isn't appropriate for him to be talking explicitly about sex with him, that should be known anyways.

 

Well there's nothing preventing you from telling him that you'd prefer to talk less about sex in general, or that it bothers you slightly.


As others have said though, it should settle down eventually. For the sake of comparison, I'd compare a person in the closet to someone just continuously piling up stuff in his closet. Eventually you reach a point where there's just no more room in the closet, and when you finally open the door, everything falls out of the closet.

Coming out is exactly the same thing, the person pretty much stash/repress all his feelings into his or her closet for years, until the closet can't hold it anymore and he has to open the doors (coming out to other people). That tends to pretty much set everything that had built up in the closet out in the wild. Once everything has gone out of the closet, well it's time to pick all the stuff on the floor and start putting things in order. For people coming out of the closet, this usually translates to integrating their sexuality as simply part of themselves, whereas everything revolves around their sexuality after coming out.

 

Coming out is often followed by a craving to be as open as possible. He's been hiding this for years probably. I'm sure he doesn't intend to 'disgust' you, but does he have any other outlet? You hint that he has not told others. He's going to discover the proper balance in time. I'm sure he'll want to be friends still, but will likely spend time with other gay guys too, then he'll probably stop leaning on you so heavily. For you the goal might be X box and coffee, but for him facing almost certain rejection, he has other concerns for the time being.

If you are supportive, that will lead to the best outcome for you both. Especially if things go badly with others, it's really important to just assure him that you will be there still. You have a right to set limits on the sex position talk, but try to not lash out just because he talks about being gay. That would send signals that you're probably not ok with his sexuality period, and that would not end well.