So I realized that I only want to be in a romantic relationship with a woman after being married to a man for eight years. That's really hard to realize that a relationship you've been working on for eight years (and boy have I worked!) is a sham. On top of that I realized that he is actually a narcissist who doesn't give a **** about me. He seriously won't give me five minutes to talk when I need to...literally! I wonder how I have managed to he so blind!!! Blind to my sexual orientation and blind to the totally one sidedness of my marriage. I won't go into all of the details of why but I'll just say that because of the circumstances, which are financial, I can't just leave the marriage. I feel so alone. I literally have no friends. I have acquaintances on FB but no one in real life to physically be with and talk to face to face and all of my cyber acquaintances don't really communicate with me. I'm going back to College to finish my degree and thought I would make friends but so far nothing. I try to engage people in conversation but no one seems to be interested in the same things I am. I feel like I try to relate to what they are interested in but no one seems interested in me. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I've read that the older you get the harder it is to make friends but this feels different. It feels like everyone looks at me as if I were an alien or freak. It hurts and I feel really alone. I see all these gorgeous women walking around on campus and think if no one even wants to be friends with me no one is ever going to be interested in me romantically. It's extremely depressing. It's been so long since I had genuine contact with another human being, like a sincere hug or kiss, I feel... I don't know how to describe it, sort of dried up. I mean, imagine going eight years without hugs, kisses, anyone to talk to, sex, or any kind of intimacy with another human being at all. It's like that movie with Tom Hanks where he gets stranded on an island. I feel like there's nothing to be done about it except to plod on, but I just felt the need to express it somehow.
There are a few things I can assure you of at least: first of all, spending eight years in a relationship only to leave it is tough, no doubt about it - I've literally been there - but it doesn't mean that you wasted your time. There was more to your life in those eight years than that relationship. And even if it didn't work out, that's no reason to continue devoting your life to something that, from your description of it and how you feel about it, seems to be a lost cause. Beyond that, yes, women will find you attractive. If you're going to college past the traditional age, there are certainly going to be many women (and, quite frankly, teenagers) there who do not look like you do, and are at different stages of their lives. But that doesn't mean that everyone out there wants to try a relationship with a twenty-year-old. Some people will be just your age and looking for something just your age to date. Maybe even someone else at your school, you never know. Also, as an added bonus, if you're in school and financially independent (which you may qualify as, if you're of the right age), you should qualify for student loans, which hopefully makes the financial situation not a problem. What about family? In any case, staying in a relationship you're unhappy in just for the money isn't going to do you any favors down the line, and there may be options you just haven't thought of yet. There are options you have, and you have a lot to offer people. You may have gotten used to thinking the opposite over the last eight years, but it just isn't true. You can do more than just plod on.
As a piece of additional advice, how about you forgive yourself for all the guilt or pain you may have gone through (or currently are)? Make yourself understand that, it may have been hard for you to face these circumstances (then & now), but you have to see it or take it in a positive light and bring out the good in these situations you're facing. In other words, find that 'Silver Lining' to help re-comfort yourself in doing something better for the future to come. Past is past, and you can't know what's to come in the future - so you can't either of those; but you can help yourself cherish what you have now (the present moment/time), to help you recover and move on in your future endeavors. Hope the advice helped. - Intellectual -
Thanks for the responses! I know there is some good advice there and thinking about, particularly Intellectual's advice I think I'm just really unhappy with myself and my life. I think my self esteem is in the tank and I don't know what to do about that but I have no doubt that that will interfere with my attracting the right kind of person. I've typically only attracted narcissists in the past. I'm seeing a therapist now and am working on it. I just feel like my life is pretty much over. I don't mean that literally, I just mean, times getting on... You know? But I guess people find people at enery age, so I should just worry about working on myself and my life. Thanks again for your responses!
