Well, within the next few months I will be meeting my long distance boyfriend for the first time ever, and I could really use some help. I'm a nervous wreck, and my head is full of panic whenever I think about it. I've never been confident about myself, and my head keeps forcing fears on me I don't want to deal with. "When he sees you in person, he'll realize you're not good enough for him!" "You're too shy, you'll never be able to speak to him normally!" "You're not going to preform well if it gets intimate!" And it's driving me insane. He has been nothing but supportive and loving towards me, praises me constantly, and constantly assures me there's nothing to worry about. But for some reason him saying these kind things doesn't stick, it just slides right off my brain. I don't know what to do to beat it into myself that things are going to be OK. I realize i'm being stupid, but I just can't stop it. Any advice?
Relax. How long do you know each other? you know I don't think you should have sex on the first date. So why stressing about that now? I believe even if you had cybersex, you would need some romantic dating time to see how well you fit together. Set small goals, go for a coffee, spend a day together in public places and move slowly toward intimacy. In a way you need to start again, because being together in "real life" will feel differently than writing. Have you exchanged pictures? (of your face I mean ) If not, do it, the first meeting will be easier. Have you talked over phone? If not, try it before you meet. Set small goals
-every time you are Expecting something you will get nervous but once it will happened you want feel it anymore -everytime we meet a new person we get shy but trust me after 10 sec of conversation you will feel free to talk whats on your mind -now if he likes you for who you are nothing can change that becuase no one can change you ^_^
The biggest thing I can suggest is simply not to expect too much from the visit. That may sound counter-intuitive, but as you've already pointed out, you're used to interacting with him in ways other than in-person. This is your first shot, so don't expect it to be like hanging out with a long-time friend. Take your time, don't do anything you're not ready for, let him know what you're comfortable with, and get to know the person he is (and vice versa) when he's across the table from you. Think of it as getting to have a "second first date" with him - which, believe it or not, some people would actually enjoy the chance for.
Yeah, we've exchanged pictures, talk on the phone every day, we've known eachother for a year and a half and have been dating for four months, we really know everything about eachother. I'm just worried about screwing it all up. If I do, I can't wait a few days and ask "Hey, wanna try that again?" because he'll be back in the states. So for a week or two we'll be living together, eating together, sleeping together, cuddling and kissing and hugging and such, and it's such a big jump from just being together long distance, all at once. It's a jump we both really do want to take, i'm just nervous at messing it all up!
yes that seems like a big change. But if you know each other that way and so well, what horrible thing you could possibly do to make him go away? Don't worry Maybe you could try Skype?
We do, every day. And it's things like being too shy to be myself and wasting his visit, or maybe my house isn't nice enough, or I can't take him to all the places I want to because i'm too broke, or what if I do something really stupid and embarrass myself? What if i'm a horrible kisser? (Never kissed anyone, but not a virgin. Go figure.) So much could go wrong and I don't want to be a disappointment to him!
Relax Even if you knew him personally there always would be a lot of things that would happen for the first time. He is coming because of you, not because of your town or because he wants to inspect your house He wants to be with YOU not with someone who sees himself as a perfect kisser Relaaaax LOL It will be good.
This is precisely why people say that in any form of online (read: not in person) dating, you've gotta take things offline relatively quickly if possible. Otherwise, you end up building unrealistic expectations of the other person (or yourself) and you start seeing nerves fly like you've got. A little bit of nerves is fine, that's to be expected when you're meeting someone you care about. Try to keep a level head though... remember, just because you already really know him doesn't mean you "know" him either. One can't spend the rest of their lives living with someone they've never met in person, right? Take things slowly, and treat it like a first or second date. Get to know him. As you start talking, I'm sure conversation about topics you already talk about regularly will fall into place and things will feel more natural. tl;dr don't worry.
I'm actually going through the same thing. My boyfriend lives down in Florida and we were going to meet after he gathered up some money and got his drivers license. I feel the same thing sometimes. You're just very excited to see him. All you need to worry about is seeing him, looking him in the face, and telling him you love him. It's actually not that hard. You'll find that there was nothing to worry about in the first place when he comes.
This is such a fascinating experience, you two have been basically relying on technology to meet and get to know each other. Your relationship has been completely mediated. The real person who will appear before you, up to now, was only seen and heard. Whether you realize it or not, your other senses will get engaged as well, his touch, the way he feels and smells, the sound of his voice without going through a speaker, all of that will be new. Take your time and value the discovery of these other sensations, they are just as important as sight and sound...
