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Should i ask my friend if hes gay?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Tomwinsatlife, Aug 5, 2013.

  1. Tomwinsatlife

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    Ok so im gonna be in high school next year, and i am not out to anyone other than my cousin. Everyone thinks im very straight. Ok well i went to a private catholic school for 8 years, elementary and middle, and we have this patish or whatever so our school is linked with other schools. Anyway, in like 7th grade i was on a basketball team with this guy named kaiden from one of the other schools, and he gave off very strong vibes that i recieved on my gaydar. Hehe. An example being, during practice he would hang on me and stuff and like "pretend" that he was gay with me sorta. Like sorta call me his bf. Well after being on a team with him i developed a crush. But we never really saw each other until this summer. We did this drama camp thing for our high school and he acted very, hate using stereotypes, feminine and gay. He would give me stares and he would talk about his love for johnny depp. I really do like him and hes cute, but we arent exactly close friends and im not 100% sure hes gay, so should i tell him that im gay and risk being outed, or should i just leave him be?
     
  2. josh9623

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    If you are ready to be out to him then you can come out to him and if he is gay AND He is comfortable with being gay, he will probably tell you.
    You could also just ask him though you need to do it very carefully if it is a generally homophobic environment, as he may be persuaded to say he isn't (regardless of if he actually is) if he feels it would cause him to be in an unsafe situation (mentally, physically, or emotionally).
     
  3. JamesDE

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    If you're ready to be out then coming out to him may cause him to feel more comfortable around you and come out, but he could also just be messing around and not actually be gay. I know a lot of guys that flirt with other guys even though they are completely straight. If you're not ready to come out then coming out to a less than close friend could be quite risky and quite frankly I wouldn't do it. It all comes down to whether you would be alright if you got accidently outed.
     
  4. falsereading

    falsereading Guest

    I've done but I was a bit older than you...I was naively hoping some return on my investment but got nothing back (yet?) so do be prepared for that, it hurt me more than I was expecting and then I had to swear him to secrecy which made things a little uncomfortable.
     
  5. LuvMyIB

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    Good luck! If he is gay then he will accept you for you. If he is not it may backfire in your face. If you are comfortable being gay then go for it, but remember you are in a catholic setting and many boys and girls try to out people. Just be careful! I know I grow up in a catholic home and school it was miserable for me knowing that I was gay (lesbian) because of our beliefs. I don't want to see you hurt it would suck for you to be outed if you are not ready.
     
  6. lukeluvznicki13

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    I'm also wondering whether I should ask one of my gay friends whether he is gay or not, he also gives off one of those "vibes" that seem like he is. But i don't want to sound rude or anything either.

    My advice - wait and see if he opens up to you, if he doesn't then perhaps try ask but not in such a blunt way :slight_smile:
     
  7. Kamina

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    I grew up in a christian setting for my entire life. No one I know cares if you are gay or bi. It's a bit of a novelity but I have only ever heard mildly homophobic remarks in response to the LGBT community, nothing openly discriminatory. I have a few friends who are openly bi at my catholic high school and there is one guy who is very, very openly gay and no one give a s***. So I wouldn't be worried about whether or not the people you go to school with are catholic. Worry about who their parents are and how they feel. Discrimination is learned and taught not inherited.

    If you are ready to come out I would tell one other close friend before this guy so that you have some what of a support group if he is an asshole and stops talking to you or outs you. That way you won't be alone if it doesn't work out.

    Just my 2cents hope that helped!