Is the fact that I'm a 'Baby Dyke' off-putting to Lesbians when dating?

I don't think the lack of sexual experience would be a turn off to most women because we typically know what is going on with our own bodies and are pretty competent in applying that knowledge to the body of another woman. I think your age and the fact that you haven't been in a lesbian relationship might make other lesbians timid though. They might worry that it is you giving up on men because you just got out of a relationship or that you are just experimenting. Most lesbians your age have been out for some time and are usually more ready for a real relationship, which can make the idea of going through the coming out process with someone all over again seem cumbersome. I definitely think that there are plenty of lesbians that will think you are worth it though. It is just the matter of finding the "right" girl.

 

I absolutely feel disadvantaged, I'm not sure if its the same with women, but i presume so.

Luckily I look young so I think I could get away with lying about my age but I dont want to...

 

I know it can be intimidating, but I think that there will be girls that think badly of it but if that's their opinion then they are probably not the right person anyway, everyone had to have a first time once.

 

There's got to be loads of lesbians at your age in your position. I reckon if you met one then things would be different. It would give you a common ground and make you feel more comfortable.

 

I bet the women you met were a lot more understanding than you are giving them credit for. They have been in your shoes and honestly, sexual stuff can come naturally over time. If you care about someone and they care about you it won't matter as much!

 

I was 49 when I came out and did not have my first real relationship or sexual experience with a woman until just after I turned 50. She is "gold star" (never been with a man). She has been very understanding and encouraging as we move forward in everything. Honestly, I was only nervous for a little bit because she said, "I'm going to let you explore me". So I did and I have been for a few months now.

 

I expressed similar concerns to my therapist once. She said that some people might find it endearing, and won't judge me for it. And if that's the only aspect of you that your date sees, that's shitty on their part.

Effingdykes blog had a post about this a while back. Worth checking out.

When you get self conscious about this, just remember that you and whoever the other girl is are people with feelings who deserve to be respected as whole human beings, and not just judged on the tiny miniscule aspect which is the level of experience.

 

Judgement by experience is a straight person thing jokes. But I do see it a lot more in heterosexual dating.

 

I am a late bloomer. I've not had much experience at all. I think if you meet someone who is truly interested in you, for who you are inside and out, then they will respect you, and be understanding as to where you are. It's got to be everybody's first time, sometime!

 

ive met many baby dykes and the only ones who were off putting to me where the ones who the only thing that comes out of their mouth is 'im gay, hi did you know im gay... hi im gay. gay. yep im gay. hi did i mention i was gay' that was the only thing that was off putting to me. i get that they are gay, thats fine okay. end of the gayness convo. no offense meant to anyone... that rule doesnt really apply to just baby dykes though anyone can be like that... so yeah lol.

it may be offputting to some but those women arent the ones you want a relationship with anyways. the ones who arent put off by it are he ones you should try a relationship with.

coming out is scary and i know i was the same as you so put off by girls who may have more experience than me. over time it will become less intimidating and youll meet girls who dont care about your experience level. it wouldnt put me off if i met a girl with no experience, if im into her and shes into me nothing else should matter. everyone has to start somewhere.

 

Sigillumbiaboli, I'm in a very similar situation! 33, only just realised I want to be with a woman and never actually done it. The only difference is I haven't even managed to get a date with a woman yet! I too wondered a bit about whether more experienced lesbians would be put off by my lack of experience but I'll be darned if I'm going to sleep around just to get it.

When I was a teenager, I slept with far too many men. While I try not to "regret" my past, if I could do it all again, I'd do it soooo differently. Discovering my sexuality in my 30s kind of allows me to do that, almost like re-virgining! This time, when I do "it" for the first time, I want it to be special and with someone I love and when I find that person, I hope she will appreciate what a special gift I am giving her.

Maybe you can see your inexperience as a blessing, not a burden?