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Is he over me?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by PeterPie, Aug 10, 2013.

  1. PeterPie

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    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. However, lately he has these weird mood swings... One day he loves me, the next he just responds with one word answers... I told him yesterday that I loved him and to have a good night as he was going out with friends. He replied with "Whatever."

    I don't know what to do or say... I've brought it up but he changes the subject or completely ignores it. Then we'll be fine for about a week or so and it will happen again...

    Any advice?:bang:
     
  2. robclem21

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    Since no one else seems to be responding, I will take a crack at this but need a little bit more information. How has your relationship been leading up to this? Have you been fighting more recently or as time progressed? Has he had a history of acting this way with others?

    From what you are describing it may sound like he is becoming disinterested, but it actually just sounds more like he is being a dick, so maybe something else is going on in his life that maybe you aren't quite aware of yet? Usually when people start acting that way in a relationship, it takes something more than disinterest to totally neglect your partners feelings that way. Especially after a year and a half.
     
  3. PeterPie

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    Our relationship has had ups and downs, we fight, but rarely and over stupid shit... Just as of last week, he's started acting this way... He has gone through quite a lot and recently found out he had an older brother but no one in his family will speak to him about, so I get that he is most likely frustrated in regards to that, but I can't sit here and take the cold shoulder seeing as all I ever do is try and be there for him. It's fucking infuriating. I mean, we all have problems. I tell him all of mine and he seems disinterested in helping, but when he tells me his, I jump straight on board and offer all the advice I can. I've spoken with him about this but he just changes the subject because he "doesn't want to argue." Maybe it's time to just end it. I'm sick of always feeling like I'm the only person making the effort... I've also told him this, but once again, nothing.

    :bang::bang::bang::bang::bang::tantrum:
     
  4. resu

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    Tell him how he makes you feel (give these specific examples and what you are missing from earlier in the relationship), how you're trying to make things better, and how you would like him to work with you instead of against you.

    Avoid making him shut down immediately (you should know the triggers by now), but say that you won't accept him always changing the subject. Maybe you should ask when/where he will feel comfortable talking with you. If he says never, then you can't do much but accept it, and maybe even take a break from seeing him. Also, it's a good idea to find other people for emotional support right now, so you don't feel like your boyfriend is the only one you can confide in.
     
  5. GayNerd

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    Don't end the relationship. Sit him down and tell him what you really feel. If he says he doesn't want to argue, tell him that if you do argue, it will be okay, because you love him and you will get through this.

    Have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Be honest, and tell him to be honest as well.

    If you need any more advice, I'm here to help you.
     
  6. June Cleaver

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    I assume he is young like you and is immature in regards to relationships. Do you live together? Will he talk about it at all? Really all you can do is tell him he is about to loose you and list why and see if a compromise can be reached. If not than leave him standing in the dust cloud of your exit! June
     
  7. PeterPie

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    Tell him how he makes you feel (give these specific examples and what you are missing from earlier in the relationship), how you're trying to make things better, and how you would like him to work with you instead of against you.

    Avoid making him shut down immediately (you should know the triggers by now), but say that you won't accept him always changing the subject. Maybe you should ask when/where he will feel comfortable talking with you. If he says never, then you can't do much but accept it, and maybe even take a break from seeing him. Also, it's a good idea to find other people for emotional support right now, so you don't feel like your boyfriend is the only one you can confide in.

    I've tried that. He seems to think that I'm just being ridiculous even when I provide evidence.
    I don't just turn to him. I speak with my psych and my friends.


    Don't end the relationship. Sit him down and tell him what you really feel. If he says he doesn't want to argue, tell him that if you do argue, it will be okay, because you love him and you will get through this.

    Have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Be honest, and tell him to be honest as well.

    If you need any more advice, I'm here to help you.

    I've done both of these. It doesn't seem to sink into his mind. It's as if he feels I'm going to use his pain against him and that's not something I'd ever do. I've explained time and time again that I am here for him and he doesn't need to shut me out but it's as if what I say and do means absolutely nothing to him...

    I assume he is young like you and is immature in regards to relationships. Do you live together? Will he talk about it at all? Really all you can do is tell him he is about to loose you and list why and see if a compromise can be reached. If not than leave him standing in the dust cloud of your exit! June

    He's 21 so just a little older than I am. We don't live together, we both live with our families. I've explained to him that if he can't trust me and open up to me, then there is no possibility of a relationship and when I actually do tell him I'm done, he gets really emotional and tells me he needs me, but then we go back to all of this crap. I've told him time and time again that this needs to change and that I can't keep receiving the cold shoulder.

    ---------- Post added 11th Aug 2013 at 06:21 PM ----------

    Thank you, by the way.
     
  8. PeterPie

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    I decided to end it. It wasn't worth it. Thanks for all your help guys.
     
  9. June Cleaver

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    Ok, it sounds like you have a guy who has no clue how to treat another. Mommy probably still makes him feel like his needs are all that matters. As kids are sheltered from reality by parents, I know he is 21, but he sounds immature. This tends to make some people to be self-centered to a degree. I am afraid since he is too busy thinking of himself, and not listening to your needs, all you can do is tip his world upside down and teach him you have as much power in the relationship as he does. Otherwise just leave things as they are and hope he gets a clue someday.

    People in relationships sometimes don't see things the same way. This clueless person can wreck his partnership without even knowing or trying. Then suddenly he has lost the person he loves as the person has no clue he is loved that much.

    I left my husband for nearly two weeks and he was so upset and could not understand what the problem was. I told him over and over for three days prior that he was doing something unacceptable, but he was so wrapped up in his world he did not listen. When he thought he had lost me, he went over the edge and only then really realized what he really had in me. Not answering the phone for 10 days or so was pure hell on me. As I disappeared and he could not get to me any other way. Oh at first his attitude was F-you I don't care! That changed quickly as he realized he was no longer in control. Had he really not loved me, he would have been gone to the next woman. In stead he went nuts, completely depressed, obsessed for nearly the whole time, and finally got sick and was sick running 103 temp when I answered the phone to him sounding near death. I then told him, "you big dummy, of course I love you!" and nursed him back to health and we have a much closer relationship because of it. Sometimes guys don't know what they have till they loose it! Good luck, June

    ---------- Post added 11th Aug 2013 at 09:51 AM ----------

    I am so sorry! Good Luck, June
     
  10. Pat

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    I don't know why we feel like it's something we're doing. Is this the kind of relationship you want? Where it's okay for someone not to communicate and shut down? Always be concerned with what you want. And to me, when a guy starts to do that stuff, he's just begging to found out. I wouldn't be surprised if he's cheating on you and the other person is helping him build resentment toward you. The fact that he's still there suggests to me that you're either paying all the bills or paying enough of them that he's got a safe haven. I'm curious about the living arrangement, because if the ball is on your court, I'd say you either make him address or tell him he's gotta go. :/
     
  11. PeterPie

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    He lives with his sister. I've never paid any of his bills. His sister was filling his head with nonsense about how he can do better than me etc. We had a good chat and I told him it was time to go our separate ways. If he was so easily persuaded by his sister and quickly changed his opinion of me, then that is not the type of relationship I want to be a part of. I have changed my number and removed every possible way of him to contact me. Let's see how he goes with his support network. I'm done.