Straight Guy Falling For My Best Friend

Well, seeing as you both have girlfriends I'd say drop it and forget it, because it's not fair to them. However, subtract the girlfriends and I'd say maybe you should just go with it and kiss him once to see where you stand.

 

Can you see yourself dropping this issue and pretend like nothing happened?

Because your sister is his girlfriend and you guys are planning to move in after graduation.

If you can't, it's probably a good idea to clear the air.

 

You know what kind of a similar story here,

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/coming-out-advice/96608-i-asked-my-roommate-if-hes-gay.html

Read that there's a lot of helpful advice there.

 

Instead of focusing on gay vs. straight you perhaps should consider if there is some level of bisexuality. If you both truly do have attraction to women and some level towards one another, then that puts you somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. There's nothing wrong with that despite the negative stigma, and I would in fact bet that there is a surprisingly large number of "straight" guys in the world that are in fact bisexual.

Besides your friend have you ever found other guys hot? When I was questioning my sexuality I went through a phase where I checked out every guy and girl I saw during the day. That alone wasn't any sort of definitive test, but I found it to be quite revealing when I couldn't take my eyes off quite a few guys.

However, even if both of you are attracted to one another you still will have to seriously consider if this is worth pursuing with him. Even disregarding the girlfriends, there still is a the very real chance that a failed "experiment" could create awkwardness in your friendship. Then, supposing that you did kiss him and you found you really liked it, that still doesn't mean he would want to leave his girlfriend for you. If he said all those things when he was drunk, then those statements probably are indicative of some feelings but they shouldn't be taken too seriously.

Anyway, maybe you should just try talking to him (when sober ). Tell him the feelings you've had and see how he reacts. This is of course if you think he'd handle it well. Just use your best judgment. Good luck.

 

Forget labels.....you guys need to get it on!

 

It sounds like, while you may not be gay, maybe you are bi or pansexual. It does sound like you two have some kind of feelings that to beyond friendship, and if you want to explore that, just have an honest conversation letting him know how you feel. Given the strength of your friendship and the fact that he may feel the same way, I doubt he would react badly. Good luck!

 

this sounds complicated as hell. omg, I can't begin to wrap my head around this so I'm not going to. but I do want to say a few things and I want to say this without labeling, and just as people. you two obviously have feelings for each other and you're getting jealous because of each others girlfriends... so what does that tell you? minus the confusion of it being you both are guys, it sounds as of you both have feelings for each other right? bromance? I don't think so... you guys discussing the fact that you will always be best friends and planning to move in together seems pretty serious to me.

what I see is that you both are developing a relationship with each other, maybe more than friends. and it won't be apparent to you because you both are the ones living in it. sit back and think abou this for awhile before you decide on anything. Nobody said you can't have feelings for more than one person.. have you even thinking more about him after the incidents you guys had when you guys did all that talking drunk? if so, how are your thoughts compared to your girlfriend? you don't have to answer those questions if you don't want. but that's just something you should think about it. good luck with this!

 

Agree with this completely.

Your situation seems to be one that comes up here from time to time. There appears to be a subset of same-sex attraction in which a very close friendship develops to the point where romantic/sexual feelings develop between the people involved even though they never feel such attraction for anyone else and otherwise consider themselves totally straight. The jealousy when one or the other is dating someone else (opposite sex of course) is also not uncommon.

If you and your friend are in this situation and are able to work past the societal conditioning that says you shouldn't act on your feelings (or have them in the first place) then there is the potential for a very powerful relationship. The most important step in that is honest communication on both sides.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

Don't be eager to label yourself, it will only confuse the hell out of you. focus on your feelings instead, How far will you go with your friend? Is this worth exploring? if both of you agreed about taking it up a notch will you be ready for whatever comes out of it? forget about society, do you see yourself having a romantic relationship with him? The good thing is the feeling is mutual so you are not on this alone... Have an open and honest communication, so both of you can figure it out together. tell him about your concerns, fears, feelings etc. it seems that both of you have genuine connection. Sometimes emotional attraction leads to physical attraction. why you are attracted to you friend and not to other guys? Because he is special. shared interests, mutual understanding, time invested, comfort level, you care about his well being etc.... Plus he is easy on the eyes so there you have it. Whatever comes out of it, if your friendship is strong enough it will stand the test of time. So relax and enjoy the ride.

 

What you have with your friend sounds really, really special. It does sound like you might be in love with him. This is certainly a complicated situation though. First of all, you shouldn't pursue any physical contact with your friend until you are both single. It wouldn't be fair to him, and it wouldn't be fair to either of your girlfriends. As others have said, you also need to decide what kind of relationship you eventually want to have with him. Can you live with simply being best friends? Or do you want more? Forget about what society says, this is a decision that only you can make. If you truly love the guy, then I think you know the answer.

Now on to the good news: you both know you have feelings for each other! Talk with him about what you're feeling. Be honest and open with him. He has already said that he thinks you're attractive and, in more words, that he would be open to spending the rest of his life with you. That must have been scary for him to say, and I think you owe it to him to be honest about your feelings.

One last thing: I can't imagine that he wouldn't take this well. You must be on his mind if he mentioned an "almost kiss" that happened more than five months ago. It's pretty obvious that he's been thinking about that and about you. Good luck with everything.

 

Just to follow up, it sounds like you guys are already really open with each other about your feelings and a potential relationship. Is it really that big of a step to tell him what you've told us? It just sounds like you've been SO close to talking about it already. Be confident man. It really does sound like your friend might have similar feelings.

 

You guys have like a Brokeback Mountain kinda thing going on here. You know, minus the sad ending hopefully. Honestly, the answer seems really obvious to me. You both seem to like each other more than your girlfriends (or so it seems), and you obviously both have strong feelings for each other. I would say that once the girls are out of the picture (it's reall not fair to them where it is right now), just take your relationship slow and see where it goes. By having a relationship with a man you're not like making some large commitment to being gay, or even bi. You're just saying that you both really like each other (and from what I can tell, this is very true).

Before anything happens though, you need to have a long, sober, talk with him about everything you and him are feeling.

Good luck!!

 

He has been honest with you though. He told you that he is attracted to you. And he more or less said that he would be fine spending the rest of his life with you. That's pretty damn honest if you ask me. And just like you, he is scared that one or both of you might get hurt. But the only way you'll get any clarity is by talking it over with him.

And hey, if you need a few drinks in you to do this, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Just be careful though.