It's been almost half a year since I came out to my Mum. After the coming out (I came out while she was away from home) we talked about me liking girls. It was not a pleasant experience, because I felt very uncomfortable talking about it in person. My Mum was not happy about the fact I was bisexual, but she told me she wanted me to be happy and would still love me if I got a girlfriend. Two days after my coming out, my Mum asked me if I had told my Dad. I told her no (which is true). She said: "OK, don't tell him for now." I wonder if she said that because she knew my Dad would be totally OK with it (or at least I think he would be) and would maybe support me or what. Now, my Mum is not angry with me being bisexual (she told me she loved me no matter what), although I know she would love to see me with a boy. The problem is - she didn't mention our conversation ever since. She behaves like she'd always had before my CO and acts like I never came out to her. Has this happen to any of you guys? What does it mean? What should I do? I'm starting Uni in September and will be living on my own (well, with a roommate, but away from home) and I wonder what would happen if I found a girlfriend there...
I kind of came out to my mom twice. The first time I was eighteen. When I told her she was fine with it. She told me that she loved me and just wanted me to be happy. When I started acting on it however she freaked out. I mean she kind of had reason. My brother and sister were still in school and she didn't want their school mates harassing them over it. She also said that she didn't want me to regret my life being turned upside down later on if it was a phase that I passed through. I ended up renouncing what I had said and telling her and my father that it probably was a stage. I was really freaked out by how she had reacted and just wanted back in my shell. The second time was when I was twenty one. This time around she said the same things about wanting me to be happy, whoever I was with but she never freaked out. I have never dated any guys, its always been girls. I think that has an effect on what she thinks. Also, I've never really felt comfortable talking to her about crushes on guys or anything about my sexuality really. Even though she was supportive I felt like she didn't really want me to be bisexual. A few years later it's hardly even mentioned and when it is she refers to it as my "past". I think if I ever dated a guy she would be okay with it and then we would have to talk about it, but until then I imagine that to her I'm pretty much just straight. I'm not saying to date a girl just to get your moms attention. I'm just saying that it may be a wait until your do date a girl before she realizes that this is a real thing.
JoshuaLovely, thanks for you answer! So, you think she might think I'm straight or that this will "go away" when we don't talk about it/when I don't have a girlfriend? You could be right. Or maybe she wants to cover her eyes from it until I DO find a girlfriend... You know, so she doesn't have to think about it for now. What do you think? I'm not going to start talking about it with her just now, because I, too, would feel very awkward if we were discussing my sexuality. I just wanted to know what it meant, if it's denial or not.
Its hard to say if she's in denial or not from what you have said. If she was trying to convince you that you were straight or that this was just a phase, I would say she was in denial. But if she isn't saying anything it may just be that she doesn't want to bring it up or that she's grieving in a sort of way. I would encourage you to try and bring her into your circle if you think she could handle it. Not to necessarily give her details, but rather to tell her what anyone would tell their parents about their dates. I tell my mom about my crushes or if we are out shopping and I see a girl who is attractive I might mention it. Things like that might help, if she can handle it. She may never be able to handle it like you would like. The best way to find out is to have an honest conversation with her and ask her what she wants to know and what her limits are. Ask her how involved she wants to be. And also ask her why she doesn't want you to tell your father. She may be protecting you from something you don't know about or she may think she's protecting him.
