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The Disney Complex

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lizzy585, Aug 12, 2013.

  1. Lizzy585

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I am head over heels in love with my girlfriend of almost a year. She makes me happier than anyone I've ever been with, and I feel like I can be myself with her, something I haven't felt in 15 years. We are both just shy of 30 and are looking forward to a future, one which we have the same hopes and dreams and plans. Our relationship is happy and healthy.

    The problem is my my bisexuality/feeling like Im SUPPOSED to be with a man.I've been in relationships with both men and women and have found I'm stuck on a fence. I can only orgasm with women, and men lack the communication and empathy I crave and feel is necessary for me to be happy. But sometimes I miss the emotional constipation (most) men have, and I miss that feeling of being protected and having a stereotypical "big strong man to fix things." Also having natural children adds to this miss list. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed when she gets emotional, and scared because ONE of us HAS to be the strong protector (according to my head). Sometimes I wish I could say something without being asked "well what do you mean by that?" (Ugh, WOMEN!!!)

    I accept that a lot of these feelings come from my Catholic upbringing and my own inner homophobia. I'm struggling to ditch my daydreams of Disney princess and prince living happily ever after. I'm divorced (from a man) and know how much happier I am in female relationships but I can't seem to shake this "Disney Complex" and it's starting to wear on my relationship. (Even though I logically know Prince Charming doesn't exist and no relationship is perfect). I've tried talking to her about it, but she gets upset and scared ill leave and i hate seeing her cry, leaving me to just carry on in silence.

    Advice on how to accept this happiness and stop thinking the grass is greener/ I'm supposed to end up with Prince Charming?

    And please don't rant on bisexuals, or me, or "this is why gays shouldn't date bisexuals". This is a hard issue for me and it took a lot of courage to ask for help.
     
  2. Northern

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Oh honey, here first take a hug!

    *Gives a big hug*

    Look, I'm not bisexual but as someone of this community we all know that it doesn't matter who you love, you still deserve the chance at it. No relationship is going to be perfect, and although you are going through a tough patch right now I think it will be good for you this one :slight_smile:

    As for the Disney complex, although I am a huge fan of Disney, let's face it the formula needs some updating! While we can all see the romance of having a "big strong man" and a "itty bitty woman" I think that the community as a whole recognizes that in most of the relationships there isn't a man and woman. I say most because bisexuals do have relationships with the opposite sex, but at that it doesn't matter. In a lesbian relationship there is no man and woman, it is two woman and that is what makes it so beautiful. You don't have to fit into any boxes where one of you is the stronger one or the weaker one. Same as how gay men don't have a woman and man, it is two men. You just need some time to get used to the thought that in your current relationship you don't have gender roles. You are who you are, and I think you just need time to accept it, and when you do you are going to be so happy and it will be wonderful.

    I hope this helped, and I wish you the best of luck, also if I said something off please forgive me I am trying to give good advice.