1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I am having trouble with this guy... or rather I am not.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Hissien, Aug 12, 2013.

  1. Hissien

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Okay so I have met this guy, well actually I have known him for years and had quite a crush on him. We have started seeing each other, trying to take it slow. Yesterday we shared our first kiss and he fell asleep on my chest for about thirty minutes, it was more intimate than sex to me but I am scared now for some reason. He makes me feel more comfortable than any other person ever has and he is all I can think about, but I don't want to smother him or move to fast, I just want us to make it. I honestly don't even know what I am looking for here or why I posted this, I guess I just want some guidance from someone with more life experience.

    So basically, my problem is that I can't find a thing wrong with him or what few flaws I can find don't bother me. I don't want to step fully into the pool only to find that it was just the pool boy that drew me in if you catch my drift....
     
    #1 Hissien, Aug 12, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2013
  2. AKTodd

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2013
    Messages:
    3,190
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Norfolk, VA
    Hm. Ok - I just had my 44th birthday last month and my partner and I have been together for 16yrs and counting. So hopefully that counts as some life experience :slight_smile:

    I would suggest that a major element of any successful relationship is communication. Followed by more communication. With maybe a dash of communication just for variety.

    If you have an issue or are feeling scared, then the best approach is to be honest and talk to him about it. Also develop a relationship where it is understood that it is OK for him to talk to you about whatever might be on his mind as well.

    Doing this will let you talk about your feelings, fears, how fast you are both comfortable moving, etc.

    That you're concerned with moving to fast or smothering him shows a certain degree of self-awareness which is almost always a good thing. Keep that awareness, but don't let it paralyze you.

    As far as not finding any flaws in him, don't worry you will eventually:wink: Nobody's perfect, but as you find the flaws (trust me, he's got some habit that will make you want to scream and pull your hair out some days), you can also find that you either don't care or that the weight of all the good things about him and the positive experience of being together outweighs the negatives. Plus, if you have communication as a cornerstone of your relationship you can always talk about the things that REALLY bother you (as opposed to the things that make you a little crazy but that would make you cry if something happened to him and they suddenly weren't there anymore) and resolve them.

    Beyond that, take all the various ideas and notions of what you 'should' do that are put forward by the media or 'the gay community', or even society as a whole with a healthy dose of skepticism (Examples: you 'should' sleep in the same bed, you 'should' always do everything together, you 'should only do things you both like, etc. etc.) . And don't be afraid to chart your own path together if it feels like a better one than what 'everybody' says you should do. It's your life after all.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  3. Hissien

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 17, 2013
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Virginia, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Todd, thank you so much for that I really appreciate the advice. That is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for! :eusa_clap :slight_smile:

    And a big thank you to everyone else who read all of this!

    Anyone else got anything to add? I am always glad to hear what people have to say :grin:
     
  4. robclem21

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    Don't know if your going to get much better advice from others on here. Agree with what was said :slight_smile: Good luck. If it is meant to be it will work out. Don't force anything and go with what you feel.