Trust

Isn't life for you going to seriously suck if you go through the rest of it not trusting anyone ever again? I get that it's hard and seems like a risk, but still...

 

Well, I believe that after you seem to keep having people break your trust, you have to ask yourself if you are giving to those that actually deserve it. Sometimes when we really want a relationship or want things to work, we make them seem as though they are more perfect than they actually are.

Not to mention, you're still very young. There will be plenty more admirers in the future; maybe after you past experiences it might be good to give yourself some time to adventure solo and find a high level of peace and contentment within yourself. You don't have to cut her off, but especially since you guys have a bit of ocean and distance between the two of you, I would just relax and stay friends for a while.

 

Well, that's when past experiences can be helpful. You can use what went wrong and what hurt you about your previous relationships to make sure you don't make the same mistakes in the next ones.

There isn't too much literal advice that I can give on this subject, much of it really is much more personal. That's why I would recommend giving yourself some time alone and really trying to become content, whether you are in a relationship at a specific moment or not.

 

I have terrible trust issues from being f***** over years ago, but I manage ti trust people. My two best guy friends are the people I trust the most because we have a history and I know I can trust them.

It may seem hard, but you eventually need to trust someone. You may find the right girl and if you dont trust her then a future is practically non-existent.

 

Trust as far as I understand (and I'm happy to be corrected), tends to either involve you sharing part of yourself with someone or you assuming someone will treat you how you want them to.

If you're sharing something with someone, you can pick and choose who you trust and it tends to be something you just know. It's still a gamble, I told my best friend I'm bi and he promised not to tell anyone, in less than a week I find out he told his girlfriend almost immediately. Fortunately for me I trust her implicitly as she is also one of my best friends but you kind of have to assume that if you're close to someone you can trust them with the important stuff. After that, it's really on them to prove they are worth your trust.

Trusting someone not to cause you harm or hurt you emotionally is just a risk you have to take. You don't really get to choose it because you can either say "I think you'll hurt me!" and never connect or risk it...a few years ago I would have agreed with you and said just don't trust anyone, now I'm sitting here wishing I knew how to meet people so from my perspective I would just take the risk and start trusting people...start small and work up I guess...

---------- Post added 14th Aug 2013 at 04:41 AM ----------

The right person is the person you feel comfortable with. You won't get that if you have it set in your mind you can't trust them before you give them a chance.

 

i hope i dont come off rude.....

if you hold your past against someone you have just met, thats harsh. i understand you trust has been broken but you need to give people chances and you cant tar everyone with the same brush but as someone said above learn from your mistakes and maybe not let them know everything about you too early on that way you have to get to know them more and be more comfortable with them.

i went into a relationship with someone who has trust issues, it wasnt much fun. my ex kept saying 'ive been hurt its hard for me to trust you but give it time' i did give it time, and was lenient butttt it ended. it didnt work.

you need to let people in, not totally but just a little. otherwise youll end up probably unhappy in the long run. you cant just go the rest of your life not trusting anyone because of a few people in your past....

 

That's all anyone can ask!

 

Ahh trust issues. I am the queen of trust issues, so I know where you're coming from. The bottom line is, some people are going to screw you over. There's no getting around it. But 'some people' does not mean all people. The world is full of loving, genuine, caring people who will cherish your trust and do their best not to hurt you. There are also people who will use your trust to manipulate and/or cause emotional harm to you. The key is in learning to differentiate between these groups.

That doesn't mean you never trust anyone. When you do that, you close yourself off and don't connect to anyone. It's a lonely, miserable way to live. I know all about it. In the long run, it's not going to protect you, just make you sad. Like Flyinhernikes and Elliaotaku said, the trick is to start small. You don't want to bare your soul to someone you've just met or even known for just a little while. Trust has to be mutual, and it has to be earned - slowly - over time. That's part of getting to know someone in any sort of relationship, romantic or otherwise.

Another thing - and this is the really, REALLY hard part - is to accept, deep down inside you, that you have absolutely no control over anyone else on this planet but you. If other people are going to lie, you can't stop them. If they're going to be emotionally manipulative and mean, you can't do a single thing to prevent them. BUT, and this is the important part, what can you can do is decide what exactly YOU want and what you need and what you're going to put up with. And that's a big part of trust as well. Learn what your personal boundaries are. Once you do, you'll be able to figure whether or not you can trust the person you're with to respect them as well.

When you love someone, you have to be vulnerable with them. And yes, that opens you up to the possibility of being hurt. But it's glorious and amazing and even a just a little bit of it is better than never having it at all. Sounds corny and ridiculous I know, but that's been my experience anyway.

 

Trust is not just a switch you can flip on and off. You have to work on yourself primarily. Trusting in others has a lot to do with being able to trust your own judgment about others.