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Found a video of my boyfriend and his ex :X

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Lovedenied, Aug 14, 2013.

  1. Lovedenied

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    Hey. So my bf asked me if i could take his laptop to a friend of mine so he could format it. I said it was ok. I asked him about stuff that he had in it like photos and videos of us... He said it was clean but i should check it up and delete any evidence. So i did... I found some photos and videos on the dropbox (he forgot to delete it) and i deleted it. Unfortunately i found other stuff... And one of it was photos and videos of him and his bf having sex :S. The moment i saw it i knew i made a big mistake because now i can't get those images out of my head --'. It wasnt intentional... I know it's his past, i know he has no fault in this... And i'm not that shoked cause he said he made videos with his bf in the past... But it's still hurtful... Any advice ? Im not gonna tell him, there's no need for that... What can i do to feel better ? The only thing that buggs me is the fact that he still has those videos... I know it's his past and he has the right to save them but still... :S Thank you guys!
     
  2. Gen

    Gen
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    No, you are perfectly fine in feeling very awkward being in that situation. Personally, I believe that sexual photos and videos should definitely be deleted after you end a relationship, but we don't even know if we actively wanted to save them or just forgot about them. You are likely mainly feeling uncomfortable because you feel like you stumbled upon something that would have been best of you not to see.

    Though if you feel uncomfortable about something, communication is always key. Those in relationships should be able to be open with past sexual partners and relationships. It's only uncomfortable if you make things uncomfortable. I would just make a lighthearted comment about the situation, enough to let him know that you saw the videos. At least then you don't have to feel like your sweeping something under the rug.
     
  3. JoshuaLovely

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    Sometimes things like this happen and communication truly is key. If it's bothering you enough to put it on here there's a chance it will keep on bothering you and eating at you. Telling him about it can help put you at ease. In his place my reaction would be to comfort you and apologize, but everyone is different and there are other positive ways in which he could respond.
     
  4. BMC77

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    I think Miss Manners (etiquette column) suggested with old love letters that the best place to store them is in the fireplace, between burning logs...

    The same probably can be said for old sex videos, although one would stop short of tossing the laptop into fire.

    ---------- Post added 14th Aug 2013 at 09:19 AM ----------

    As noted above, it's possible that the video was just forgotten about. Every now and then, I stumble across something on one of my computer systems that I'd totally forgotten about.
     
  5. Lovedenied

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    What if it's not forgotten? :S Why would he keep those videos? =(. We've been dating for 7 months and he and his bf break up 8 months ago... Thank you guys for your support =)
     
  6. greatwhale

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    If anything comes of this experience it is that making sex videos is just not a good idea, unless you erase them immediately after...
     
  7. Gravity

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    One thing I would point out is that he was asking you to delete everything on the computer - explicitly so. Under the circumstances, I think it's a pretty safe bet to assume he just forgot they were there.

    Echoing Gen, I'm in favor of telling him what you found. You two have been together for several months, so obviously something is working out. Be honest and give him a chance to make it up to you - or give you space, whichever you need. But not telling him and letting it impact the way you feel about the relationship anyway (which it will inevitably do if you keep it to yourself) won't do anyone any favors.

    In time, you'll forget, or come not to care about seeing it as much anymore at least, as strange as it may sound. If you approach it as a couple - and not as an individual - it's just gonna be a few more drops of water under the bridge eventually.
     
  8. Flutters1980

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    It's possible that he forgot. You said that you found videos of the two of you that he forgot to delete so you had to. I'd just talk to him about it so it doesn't continue to fester in your mind.
     
  9. Lovedenied

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    Thank you guys. He forgot to delete the videos, according to him =)
     
  10. Adi

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    You were upset about that? Doesn't really seem like something generally upsetting, to be honest. It's not like it was a love letter, or something of the sort.
     
  11. Lovedenied

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    Hey again guys... I came back because some days after i saw the videos i asked him what was that strange folder he had in his desktop since he asked me to see if we had any videos of us. He said it was better not to open it (too late, unfortunately) because he forgot to delete it. Then i asked him if he had passed it to his other computer and he said: nope i didnt. Later, after 1 week vacation with him i was researching something using his computer and internet and when i was about to leave the computer there it was: the folder with the videos right on the desktop....... He lied to me... I confronted him and finally i told him what i saw... He said i was a liar, that i snooped into his stuff, that i should have told him sooner... I asked him if i could delete the folder and he said no just because of my behavior... And the more i asked the more it will stay there... I asked him why it was there and he said he passed it from the other computer without even realize it... Truth is, it was right in front of him, on the desktop... Iam so mad... I dont even want to talk to him :/
     
  12. bingostring

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    He sounds very unreasonable and 'controlling'.

    Trouble is the more you push the more he will resist.

    Perhaps you can cool off for a period (however difficult that may be) ... choose the moment when he will be more agreeable to your very reasonable request.