Hello all, To start off, I am 22 years old and have been in a relationship with a straight man for about a year. I have had a couple girlfriends, but they were both short term. I've gotten physical or made out with quite a few women. My main issue is that I think this man could be my forever partner. He is sweet, understanding, smart, attractive, etc. (if a little predictable). If he and I were to end things, I would not plan on being with a man again. Vast majority of straight men I meet are sexist or misogynistic and that shit drives me nuts. Plus women are far more physically appealing to me. However, I feel I am too inexperienced to be appealing to most lesbians (not to mention the fact that a lot of them completely avoid bisexual women, assuming that they are actually straight), and that women my age would think I'm too far behind to be a good partner. As an example (this paragraph is somewhat sexual/graphic if you'd like to skip), I am absolutely terrible at fingering. I find penetration pleasing with a man, but I've never liked being penetrated with fingers so I'm not good at this. I've always preferred clitoral stimulation. I am confident in my oral sex abilities, but I'm afraid this isn't enough. I also have limited experience with tribbing, and none with dildos/toys. I guess I am getting ahead of myself, but I miss being with women and sleeping with women is not an option while I'm in this relationship. I feel like I'm missing out on great experiences and I can't get it out of my head. I do love my partner, but settling on a man when I feel like I barely got to experience being with women is frustrating. I'm not sure how to handle these feelings. :tears: any advice or shared experiences are greatly appreciated.
I once read an advice column that made a good point about this (you can find it here, but I don't remember which particular issue it was, so you'd have to do some searching: ask a queer chick | The Hairpin). She said that most people eventually make the choice to commit to one, monogamous relationship as The Last Person They Ever Sleep With and in doing so, they give up all the other potential partners they might have had. It's pretty universal, straight people do it, gay people do it, bi and otherwise queer people do it. The only people who don't are ones who are in poly relationships. It seems like it's up to you whether you want this guy to be The Last Person You Ever Sleep With (or at least intend it that way). Or, maybe you'll decide that you're not ready for that. The good news is that you aren't getting married/swearing to love him eternally right now (right?), so you can say "I'm good for now," and then change your mind down the road. I would also like to say that some women don't come out until they are middle aged. There is no such thing as being "behind." Any woman who gives up on you because you aren't super experience is pretty stupid (and probably very, very rare). Additionally, everyone's body is different. Just because someone has a lot of experience with one woman, does not mean they will be magically able to be a rockstar in bed with any other woman. Also, if you have women who are unwilling to date you because you're bi, then you are meeting the wrong dykes. There are plenty of ladies (and non-ladies) who are not jerks and not bi-phobic.
