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Newbie seeking "relationship" advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by midwestfella, Aug 14, 2013.

  1. midwestfella

    Regular Member

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    Ok so I'm a newbie to this board. While just doing a google search regarding this issue, this thread/board popped up. Then I did some searches for some advice regarding this issue. I found some advice, and some good advice but I guess I am seeking someone to talk to and listen regarding my particular case, even though it might be an issue that is prevalent in our community. So Im dealing with the typical gay/bi guy obsessed with straight friend

    My brief attempt at what's going on.

    I'm not out to friends. I have a buddy whom I recently met. I like him. Not sure that I necessarily want to have sex with this guy but I love hanging around him and just being with him. I'm not going to out myself to him. So fast forward a few months after we met, and a lot of interesting and weird events between the two of us, we are at a point where I see him often. He frequent the same bar so i can'g just cut him off. Now I'm at a point where I'm trying to interpret every sentence, every word and every action. I'm constantly questioning why he did/did not do something. While I'm doing this he is out screwing every girl that comes around and TELLING ME ABOUT IT. But something has to stop, I don't like this.

    Help.

    (Looking for a conversation not judgements or "common sense" type of replies)
     
  2. inknots

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out to everyone
    Okay. The first thing that I suggest is: accept that your friend is not gay, and likely isn't gay, nor will ever be gay. That is the toughest hurdle, and things can fall into place with that. You say "something has to change," but you must realize that you can't change him.

    I know exactly what it's like to be completely in love with someone that you know you can't have. No matter what people say, the iron clench on your heart will not come loose. You think about them constantly and daydream what it would be like to have them. No matter how hard you try, you cannot stop.

    At this point, you just have to give yourself time. If you want to, you can try going to other bars. You also have to realize that your straight friend probably has no idea that you have feelings for him, which is why he has no qualms about telling you about the girls he's screwing. That's what most straight guys do with their guy friendships: brag about girls. If he knows you like him and is intentionally telling you about this to hurt you, he is not a good friend at all.

    If you absolutely cannot accept not being with him, I'd suggest phasing him out of your life. You have to look out for yourself. There is no magical recipe that will make him gay.