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When to Say "I love you"

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by avignon, Aug 15, 2013.

  1. avignon

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    I have never been in a relationship, so I do not know when to say "I love you" to my partner. I've been seeing this guy for only 3 weeks now. At first, I didn't really expect to get attached too much. We started as "friends", but my feelings for him have changed a lot. I now like him so much, and I'm very happy whenever I hangout with this guy. He even told me the same thing and I believe that he's not lying. To make things complicated, I am leaving him this November because my internship in this country will end, and so I will be going back to my home country.

    My friends have advised me to slow down with my relationship with him, but I just can't stop myself. They also told me that if I start loving this guy, I will get really really hurt in the end since I will be leaving soon. Well, I do understand my situation, but I do think that my experience here with him until November will be worth any pain at the end (Well, maybe... I told you, I haven't been to a relationship). Also, is it possible to love someone if you don't see him being with you in the future? I am not thinking about having a long distance relationship with him because I know that it's just difficult and it might just not work at all.

    So, what do you think should I do? :icon_sad:
     
  2. letzdance109

    letzdance109 Guest

    Well, I'm certainly no expert (seeing as I have never been in a relationship at all...forever alone lol), but I always thought that it's not about timing. I don't think that there is an actual time to tell someone that you love them, I think that it just happens when it happens! It kinda just depends on the relationship. I'd say to just wait until you're through the initial "omg this guy is amazing" phase, and if you still love this person through everything, then you will know when the right time to tell him is. It shouldn't be forced, you know? It should be smooth and feel right when it happens, not just a "I need to get this off my chest" moment.

    However, the fact that you are leaving soon is troubling...is it really wise to get serious feelings for this guy when you're going to leave soon? I mean, hey, in a way, love found you during this internship you had, but you need to realize that this love has an expiration date of sorts. When you leave, and if you said those words to him, you will just end up heartbroken and disappointed, and I'd hate for that to happen to you! Or you could try to commit to the relationship, but that will require tons of work. Nevertheless, the choice is yours to make. If you think the consequences are outweighed by the benefits, then do what you want, but at least talk to him about the fact that you're leaving and make sure he's okay with that. If you don't think you can handle the heartbreak, and the heartbreak will hurt a lot (just assuming from seeing all the guys I really liked date other people), then maybe you should hold back those words and just enjoy the time you have with him...personally, since you haven't been in a relationship, I'm not too sure about your first one ending in such a bad way, but the choice is yours. Ah, well I digress, I'm not the best at relationship advice...but I hope things work out for you! I'm rooting for ya (*hug*)
     
  3. avignon

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    Thank you for that! I wouldn't say you're bad at giving advice! (*hug*)

    Well, we have already talked about this, and he said that he's also scared because we're parting ways in a couple of months. Even though our relationship is facing an almost inevitable end come November, he said that maybe the experience itself will be worthwhile.

    Also... my friends who have experienced more relationships than me told me to be cautious. They warned me about trusting people too much and about diving to relationships head first. In all honesty, they really got me scared, and I've been thinking lately if he really feels the same way as I do. My friends told me that I should wait for him to say "I love you" first before I do. Although, I do think that he's serious about liking me so much.

    Right now, I am inclined to loving him amid our situation. I think I'm stupid for doing this :bang: because even if I know why I shouldn't do this, I'm still going for it. Well, I haven't experience being heartbroken and maybe that's why I'm not able to stop myself.
     
  4. greatwhale

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    Who said love was intelligent or even logical?

    The experience may indeed be worthwhile, but I'm more concerned about the future. After you leave, if at that time you love him even more intensely, this will linger with you like an unfinished book, and I guarantee that it will also affect your future relationships. You will always compare what it's like with someone new against what you are feeling now, which is very unfair to that someone new...

    Maybe love can move mountains, maybe you will find a way to be together again, I don't know. Just realize that it's not just heartbreak you're facing, but the torture of an unfulfilled relationship.

    I know of what I speak.