Mod if this isn't in the right forum, please let me know. Hello, I'm Jomil (nickname) I literally just joined the forums, I joined not because im very connected to the community or because im looking to fix something, but because i feel like typing something and may be finding some comfort that i may not be the only one that feels this way. First off, let me apologize for my grammar, I am not a native English speaker. I came out to my mom... i came out a month a go or so. I did it thinking she was ready, thinking she knew. instead her first words were "never tell your dad" over and over. I thought coming out would be more... I dont know, liberating? It was not. She said she didn't understand and why couldn't I just marry a girl, she told me to never tell anyone and that family must never know, including my dad. I told her mostly because they want me to move with them to another state, and I cant for I live with my partner of 4 years whom they don't know about. they think I don't love them, they think i don't like being with them, but little did they know Im doing it because I know they wont ever accept it. my mom sounded more mad than hurt. I know she loves me and I cant force her to accept it. but God it hurts... I didn't cry, i haven't cried yet.. I feel like i'm gonna explode in tears if i do get my self to cry, but I cant so I decided to type things away. I am very hurt. I have talked to her since, she says she loves me. but my life is something we don't talk about. we talk about everything, except me. sometimes i need relationship advice, sometimes i'm depressed. sometimes i need her to ask me about my bf... but instead she treats it like its better to ignore it... I really regret coming out. at least before she seemed more interested in my life. now she avoids it.
Hi Jomil, Welcome to EC. Sometimes doing the right thing is going to hurt, just sometimes, there's going to be a negative consequence. But what is the alternative? You told her because you needed to get out of the closet, you needed, but unfortunately didn't get, the support you expected. This does not mean you did something wrong! We don't know your age or what country you are from, so it is difficult to help you further. Can you share this with us? It's safe here.
OK, this helps a lot. At 26, I presume you have a job or are looking to live alone soon? This is important because you need to establish your independence. By independence, I also mean that you are old enough to make some important decisions without your mother approving or disapproving. Is this something you can do? Going out on your own?
Even though you regret it, it is for the best. You just "lifted a heavy weight from your shoulders". This is how I felt when I came out. But then I realized that if I had waited any longer, my Depression would have just gotten worse and worse. It may feel like you shouldn't have, but it is so much better out of the Closet. Please, just hang in there, Jomil.
I'm sorry that you didn't receive the support that you deserve buddy. I was eighteen when I first came out to my mom and dad. They were very supportive at first but after they realized that I was serious and going to act on it, they promptly swept me back into the closet. It hurts when you don't get the support that you are expecting. Family is supposed to be there for you no matter what. But in life it seems that even the closest people in our lives can sometimes forget what that support means. I suspect that your mother is trying to protect the rest of your family and also trying to protect you from them. I'm sorry if that is an incorrect assumption. I'm not saying that she is right, I'm just saying that sometimes it's just very hard to make people understand. I know that my mother was very scared about how my brother and sisters would be treated in school if I had come out to everyone. She was also worried about how I would be treated and was concerned that I would later regret coming out. Sometimes a mothers love leads a mom to do wonderful things, and in some cases it leads them to make misguided decisions that were probably the wrong ones to make. I hope that you are able to reconcile things with your mom and eventually able to get the support from her that you deserve.
