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Friendship...changing?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Chierro, Aug 16, 2013.

  1. Chierro

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    My friend Matt is honestly quite confusing me as of late. Like out of nowhere we're just suddenly better friends that talk all the time. The majority of the time, especially during the school year, I'll text him for homework help and occasional orientation-based help. Now though, I mean we've spent the last three nights staying up until midnight talking about random stuff.

    I had texted him on Sunday for assistance with my Book Critique project for my Honors World Cultures course that I know he's also taking. He was very vague with his help so I shrugged it off and just said, "Thanks." However Tuesday he texted me for help (I've known Matt since 7th grade and it's always been the other way around).

    He said he was really stressing out because he just started his book and he's a slow reader and a bunch of stuff. Now I understand the stress and everything but Matt's really smart. I helped cool him down and he suggested we work on the second part of our WC project together (reading multiple chapters of a book and then answering prompts based on the chapters). Of course I agreed. I don't understand this though. Matt and I are both smart, yet he's stressing out about a project (I try not to remind him that we also have two books to read for English and we only have a week left to do it all).

    Since then we've been talking each night, me prompting but him willingly continuing. He was proud of me that I got my Independent Study for Latin 3 (it was this whole big fiasco that he knew I was pissed about and he knew how important it was to me), he admitted that he was way more respect for me than my more social best friend Alex, someone who he has known longer. It's just been a whole bunch of stuff. I mean we've been great friends since we met but it seems out of character for him to suddenly be so...friendly (we have a different relationship than most friends do).

    On top of all of this one thing has me confused me the most. So I have been on his ask.fm account before asking him questions and I asked him one (rephrasing it so he wouldn't link it to me): How you feel bout dem gay people? To which he responded: They're fine as long as I don't see them doing the nasty or they're hitting on me. Yet, he is fine with me liking guys and actually WANTS me to go after my friend V (his real name is Alex but I know two Alex's so I shall refer to him by his last initial. If I go for V he should understand that eventually he may see V and I kiss, what would he do, get all grossed out or be supportive of me for getting a boyfriend?

    So what do you guys think on the matter of Matt? Our friendship has become more...dynamic over the summer but how would I address it? I don't want it to end because I prefer Matt like this but I have a feeling he'll revert back to his former self once school starts. I really want to know you guys' opinion on the last part which confuses me the most.
     
  2. ryanalexander61

    Full Member

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    So if I get this situation right you anonymously asked him what he thought about gay people and he said some nasty things?

    In my opinion, a lot of straight guys will say mean things about gay people just to put on that sort of appearance. They think that is the way they should be acting or just trying to be funny or fit in. It is sort of like a lot of people may make fun of certain races, but they wouldn't ever say it to that person's face. It could be them trying to be funny, or covering up for some insecurity. A lot of people are the product of their environment and don't often show their true feelings. I don't know what an ask.fm account is or how it works but your friends response could be the product of many factors.

    Around my only friend who knows I am gay, he will occasionally say things "like so and so is so gay" or other jabs even though after I came out to him he continued to contact me and be friends so he doesn't have any problems with gay people. He just asks that way to put on an appearance. He did a lot of drunken things (say held hands, sexual stuff etc.) around and with me, but now he tries to act macho and make the "there are so many hot girls here" comments. People are obsessed with others perceive them.

    I assume you are wondering what your friend's true opinion is on gay people. I don't really know. But if he thought they were as vile and disgusting as his response, he wouldn't be your friend.

    However, you can't change how Matt is going to act. If he decides he no longer wants or needs to or enjoys texting you till late at night there is really nothing you can do. We can't control how often or to what degree our friends interact with us. Since Matt knows you are gay, you could say something like "hey that was me that asked this question and honestly your response kind of hurt me" And if your friend reverts back to his old self, you can always find someone else to fill that void. It sucks, but nothing more we can do about it.

    All the best,