Okay so I'm not necessarily sure how to go about with this. Mainly I'm writing this now because I can't think what else to do, and I really don't want to do my History Assignment Anyway, as the title says I'm in love (or maybe love is a strong word, highly infatuated) with my best friend. Maybe some vague context. I've been friends with my friend for..3-3.5 years now, although we didn't really start talking heaps and heaps until early last year. Since then we've establishe that we have so many interests in common (it's ridiculous) and honestly, last year we could make each other laugh so easily, and talk about anything. Perhaps not as true this year. I'll admit last year I had pretty big mood swings, stemming off anxiety and stuff, and it's basically increased by twofold this year. Now most of the time I am rather mopey and I think he's sick of it. So yes we have heaps of stuff in common. Politically we think the same. We enjoy the same movies, the same TV series (we both have various movies as our favourite movies etc). We both love videogames, and mainly the same game series. We enjoy the same books, and we could honestly have a conversation for hours. That was last year. I'll admit things have changed this year (for above reasons). Anyway I came out to myself in August last year, and during January this year, I started thinking about him more and more to the point I couldn't get him out of my mind. I would hop on and off facebook, just in the offchance he was online, and I would get happy every time he messaged me. Every day I get excited talking to him, and every time he talks to someone else I get paranoid. Recently he's started hanging out with another friend more and more, as I'm slowly pissing him off. And he's nice. Yet I can't but hate him because to me all he is doing is essentially taking my friend away. And I'm sure that he's slowly starting to hate me (or maybe this is some anxiety acting up again) Every time I sleep I'll think of him to the point where it's basically a habit, and it'll put me to sleep fast. Every time he smiles I feel happy. He has these little creases at the side of his mouth when he smiles and I think it's the greatest thing ever. I want nothing more than to hug him and hold him, and I know that he's straight (no what if's, he is definitely what he is) and it frustrates me and upsets me to no end. Did I mention he was also incredibly cute and hot and I feel like hitting a brick wall every time I say something stupid (Pictured: Brick wall :bang: ), or for the occasionale time I've looked at him, gotten an erection, and felt so ashamed for liking him (and casually crossing my legs) He's trying to get a girlfriend at hte moment, and I should be supporting him, yet all I"m doing is wishing it doesn't work out because I couldn't handle him being in a relationship with someone else Look I'm going to be honest this is the most ramblingest post I've ever done. I jumped all over the place. The point is I have a massive crush on my friend. I think he's perfect in every way (looks personality interests everything) to the point where normal things that annoy me don't bother me on him. To be honest a part of me is worried that...if I think he's so perfect, will I ever be able to go out with anyone, if I"m comparing them to him. Is he really perfect, or is that just a perception, and someone else out there is also just as perfect. I just want to a) Stop getting paranoid every time he talks to someone else, or talks to a girl, or this new friend b) Just Get over this stupid fucking crush. I"m sick of it. It's been 8 months. It makes me sad, depressed and I just want to get over this. I'm sure there's heaps of stuff I'm forgetting to mention, but this was rather rushed if I 'mhonest (hence the jumping around) And I know there's been millions of these posts before, so I don't know if I offered anything new. But okay.
^Exactly. The main loser in this relationship will be you if you continue pushing him away. After your coming out has sunk in, then you will be able to say you have feelings for him. This will hopefully help him understand why you were acting weird and, more importantly, get you to start moving on (if you're sure he's straight) and look for other, more promising crushes.
Subtle hints, yawn if you think he is focused on you (out of place, for the most part), see if he yawns back (but dont look bored). Sit next to him, and touch him lightly or move over, he fixes himself so he isnt near you or isnt touching that is a bad thing. if he keeps contact, or applies more pressure he is into you. Make direct eye contact, stare into his soul (quickly). this is the best way to find out. If his pupils dilate he is into you. If he looks away and blushes, smiles, or gets nervous he is into you. If he gets a bit flustered, angry, snappy movements, he isnt into you. BUT!!!!!!!!!!! If he makes consistent bad signs, he is either not into you or afraid. Either way you need to back off. I know this is hard, but if you keep going you are going to hurt yourself more. But if you pull out completely you are going to be even more obsessed. Think about his qualities, he may seem perfect, but would he be committed? would he be there? if you became a quadruple amputee would he still care for you? if not, think about those to slowly back off, but keep in mind if he is a good friend. I liked a striaght guy this year, i was obsessed. but i backed off. Come to think of it, he was either really into me or wanted to be friends. But i backed off because (i was in the closet). But not too sure if he will still be there, but ive gotten over it. It is possible to do that, just keep in mind that with 7 billion on the planet there are bound to be at least hundreds right for you. Just wait.
I was in the same situation for a couple years. He knew I was gay but I didn't know his orientation. One day I manned up and told him. I was rejected. We're still friends though. Point is: Life if too short. If you don't tell him about your feelings and eventually you grow apart you will feel like you missed an opportunity for months after. He seems like the kind of friend who is accepting of others feelings, you you can still be friends. TLDR: Carpe Diem. Tell him how you feel. You can do it. :icon_wink
I can totally relate to this. I just came out and confessed to a guy I've been secretly in love with for 7 years through a letter. It's been a week and there has been no reply on his part. Yesterday, we had a conversation over the phone because of work and he never talked about the letter even through text. As if nothing happened. WTH..
I can completely relate to this type of feeling since it's happened many times to me in the past. I think in this type of situation, you can either tell him how you feel or you can keep your distance from him until your feelings subside. The point of telling him is to get it off your chest so that hopefully you can begin to move on. Hopefully he'll be supportive about it and understand that you need to keep your distance from him for a while. If not, then you've lost a friend... but a friend who can't accept you for who you are is not a friend at all. From what you've said, you probably realize by now that it will never work out with him. I know the feeling of realizing that fact, but still hopelessly longing for the guy. It's not a good feeling! The only way for the feeling to go away is to keep your distance and distract yourself. The more you think about it, the longer it's here to stay. Every time I fall for a straight guy, I also convince myself that he's perfect, and that I'll never find someone like him despite what Adele tells me. But honestly... that's just your hormones talking. When you look back later, you'll realize that he was never as "perfect" as you thought he was. You were just blinded by infatuation. It sucks to fall for a straight guy, but that's just how it is for gay guy lol. You just need to learn to look for love in people will reciprocate it, but I honestly don't know any more than you do about that.
I would start off by coming out to him and seeing how he reacts. You know he's straight, so there's a very minimal chance he will be interested. However, some straight people can have special exceptions. Who knows? Definitely start off by coming out though. Based on his reaction, I would drop little hints here and there as the others have suggested. Good luck.
Okay I really appreciate the help. Over the past couple months I have dropped hints, and just in general acted a bit more 'gay' (making small comments here and there). I guess if there was anyone to come out too he'd be a good first, as he is accepting of homosexual's. Thanks
This happen to me and my best striaght guy friend too. I pushed him away. Didnt really talked to him for a good 1 year. One night at our gatherings he drove me home and asked me why I have been avoiding him. I told him it wasn't anything and he got mad at me. This was quite a dramatic story but I'm gonna cut the fat here. Essentially I did come out to him and told him I liked him more than a friend (I cried lol). He was pretty cool about it and told me he wasn't into guys, but If i needed if to go to gay bars or clubs he would be there for me. He was super sweet, and I consider myself quite lucky to have him as a friend.
@Oxe Good to hear! But if you dont have the courage to tell him any of that, id suggest waiting until you are both alone, and then peck him on the cheek. That is probably the safest way to say everything, because if he has a thing against it you can make a quick, "oh my goodness sorry i dont know what i was thinking" etc. Bit of a life hack id say. he'd know you are interested, probably gay, and you can back off wuickly without repercussions. (careful though, it may go pretty far pretty fast, so set your limits before hand).
Blimey Hell you have a good friend! While I see the logic in your advice, I don't think that would really help anything. Probably just make him super awkward around me. Although if I could peck him that'd be the best day of the year. Like that. But we're not emoticons.
