There's a guy I met on a site that allows you to meet people who live in the same area. A guy messaged me and began talking. Now we both have not put our real names or pictures yet. We are both closeted and live in a community where being gay is extremely wrong! I mean, there is no way I would come out and his words too. I have never been in a samesex relationship before as it is not easy to find a relationship. But most of all, I never wanted to get into a relationship as I am very scared I will be outed in any way. We were talking a lot...and I found out this guy lives fairly near me! So I began to get scared again but he promises our relationship would be a secret. I began to get scared and tried to back out. I want to back out now...I havent told him that because I had to travel and had no internet for a very long time. Hes a really nice guy and it does seem he cares for me. So he said he would wait for me to return back to the country so we can meet. Im out of the country now but have little access to the internet but it has been a month and a half since we talked. So what should i do? Should I go online on this site and tell him I dont want to continue this or should I just not go online again and hope it will blow over? The second doesnt seem that fair but I am torn...
right if you truly want to back you should tell him up front it may get messy but I is also the fairest way to do so
If you really don't want to meet him, then I'd send him a message saying so. "I'm afraid after mulling it over for a while, I've decided that I don't want to take the leap into meeting another gay guy at this time." It's kind of rude to keep a guy hanging. Or if you'd think you'd still like to meet him, you still can. You can just go meet him at some place where two straight guys might meet. Maybe go to a sports bar or something similar (I'm not sure where you are, and what the options are). Agree to not discuss "the gay stuff" in person, and instead just chat about other areas of common ground. Then, after a couple hours, if you decide you'd like to continue the conversation, you can go back to one of your homes and talk in privacy there. Or agree to meet up again at a later date to do so. Lex
If you don't want to continue talking to him, at least tell that to him, whether on the site or in person. If you are interested in starting a relationship with him, once you've decided whether you want to talk to him or not, consider the following: how homophobic are people around you? What would be the consequences if you were caught? Are you actually interested in this person? If you are still considering him after answering those, go ahead! It could be worth the risk. Good luck! ~Sunshine
Thank you all for your answers. I do believe I should tell him but I am worried he won't take it well. Ive never met the guy and I dont know how he acts in real life but he is aware how close we live so I am worried he might do something. Im just having bad thoughts right now. To answer your questions: -How homophobic are the people around me? Extremely homophobic...Ive never met an openly gay person before. Actually there is one guy in my university who is openly gay and extremely feminine. He has a friends but I always always hear people talking about him behind his back and hating him. -What are the consequences of me getting caught? Fatal! My family are religious...so I am pretty sure I would be disowned. Hated by my family especially my brother who is the biggest homophobic person I have ever met. -Am I interested in this person? Yes I am. He is the first person on this site who hasnt talked about sleeping together. -Do I feel its worth the risk? No I really dont think I should throw away my secret and family for this person I barely know...
I mean he doesn't know your real name or what you like. Let him down nicely, block him from the site, whatever, he'll move on and so will you. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. At some point in your life you are going to have to reject someone, it's ok. You don't want to pursue something because you feel bad for the other person.
I can guarantee he won't take it well. I mean, you appeared to be bonding, and now you're saying "nah, forget it". But he'll take it a lot better if you tell him the truth than if you just suddenly stop returning messages. That's a dick move. Lex
Hey all...just an update I told him the truth...he definitely did not take it well. I mean at all...The poor guy was very sad but he said even though we couldnt be together he would still want to stay in contact through email. I agreed to this. He deserved support and in turn I could get support from him. But one question: I gave him an email that no one else knows. Just him. It is an email that I never use and never used on sites or anything. I just used it to make the account on the site where I met him. Is there anyway he could actually use this email address that I gave him to find out who I am? In any way possible?
It is probably possible (I'm guessing through your IP address location), but highly unlikely if he's not a hacker or very computer savvy. In general, most people would give up.
