Yeah, :help: It's been a long couple days. Should I confront her about the way she's been treating me or should I just deal with it for the next week? I haven't been this depressed since I tried to kill myself 4 years ago (and no, I'm NOT suicidal.)
OK dude, you have my attention! So by HER we're talking about your mum, yeah? In another week you're off to college (that's right isn't it?) and she's treating you like crap because you neither confirmed nor-denied you sexuality to her! Did I get all that right?
Pretty much. Read the other thread in the family forum about what my mom said to me earlier about being abused as a kid.
AG, when does school start? In a way, it seems like you want to shoehorn this issue, for closure, because you're obviously angry at her and a few other things you've mentioned, and because you may have some idle time on your hands so you have more time to think about the negative dynamics. This isn't the kind of issue you can shoehorn, meaning fit it into a time schedule, though I know you have to leave. The week before I started college, I was frantic - about going off to college. And, yes, I had problems with my parents, problems with some friends, and issues with depression, though I thought depression was something that happened to people with a distressed look on their faces sitting in my high school psych book. I was more wigged out the big university staring at me in the face. Are they driving you to college, or are you taking yourself? Drop it for now. Don't you have dogs you can take someplace to distract yourself? And aren't there some really cool areas with forests and lakes near you? How about a road trip to clear your head? That worked for me. Does it work for you? Do you, or have you had a therapist? At such a crossroads, I don't know if you should obtain one now, there, or when you get to school. However, if this persists, you need to get help ... stat. You need to get yourself in a more relaxed mode, so you can do your college work. Do you think that when you get to college, the change of venue could actually help you? That alone could be something to look forward to.
Ho.ly. fuck. Right, ok. So according to your mum, a combination of autism and sexual abuse made you gay, being gay somehow means you don't love them and that all of those things are somehow your fault...well, I'm glad you're not feeling suicidal at the moment 'cause shit dude I think I would be... Well to settle your final point of the other post, I can;t think of any benefit to you scrapping your college plans, because frankly sticking in that environment just can't be healthy! As far as confronting her goes, I would certainly be inclined to, however I would be worried personally about my ability to do it without completely losing it. Confrontation is only really a good thing if you're going to come out of it with a chance of improving things...the last thing you need is to try and talk some sense into your mum just to have her turn around and try and tell you to stop being a stroppy child (one of my mums personal favourite tactics). If you ARE going to, I'd try and be well prepared. What kind of things are you planning on confronting her with>
I leave in another fucking week. I just stopped with my therapist that I'd been doing since I tried to kill myself four years ago because I'm leaving in a week. My mom's been really, really bipolar the last two days. Today she invited me to go out with her and in a fucking restaurant in front of everybody, she blames being abused on me. Then she makes me French toast and tries to act all loving and then starts ignoring me again...until she needs eggs. ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2013 at 09:46 PM ---------- I want to just tell her I realize you're upset, but that doesn't give you the right to guilt trip me and make my life a living hell because you don't like the gender of the person I've fallen in love with and you can't accept the things you've allowed to happen to me. ---------- Post added 20th Aug 2013 at 09:51 PM ---------- I start the day after Labor Day. Moving away to college has been something I've dreamed of since I was about 10 years old because I'd get to get away from my family. And I think that on August 27, as soon as my dad leaves and I'm now living in Kalamazoo, Michigan, that's when the healing begins. To quote the band Imagine Dragons, "The path to Heaven runs through miles of clouded hell."
"I want to just tell her I realize you're upset, but that doesn't give you the right to guilt trip me and make my life a living hell because you don't like the gender of the person I've fallen in love with" You could tell her exactly that. I've omitted the last bit because nothing kills the chance of reasonable discourse like adding blame. It may be completely accurate but after hearing "You did this" most people tend to be less inclined towards a civil conversation. Equally, you could ask her WHY exactly that upsets her. You probably won't like the answers, heck they might not even be justifiable to a reasonable person but at least she'll feel like you care about how it affects her. Even though it doesn't in any way affect her (I had this exact argument about how my sexuality might negatively impact my mum the other day).
I'm trying to give her some time to simmer down before I officially tell her, "yes, I'm gay." I think that maybe after Christmas I'll write my parents a letter and just tell them that I'm gay, that yes, we're together, yes we love each other, yes we use protection, and that we're happy together.
Just thinking from the point of view of a parent who is already clearly not comfortable with their sons sexuality, you might want to omit the protection part. If you were early teens and she asked you then go for it, but as a grown man you shouldn't need to justify it or even mention it. yes you're gay, yes you're happy and in love and such good! I put this on my wang, not so much!
I do feel better now. My ass hurts from sitting here so long with nothing to do but watch TV, but other than that, I should be good for now.
Here's something that might make you feel better. My therapist had me write a letter to my mom telling her exactly how I feel. Get out all the bad stuff and all the good stuff. Put it all in the letter. When you are finished read it, think about it, then burn it. I found it a good way to get the tension out. FWIW
The other factor to consider here is... it's very likely that a lot of what you're feeling from her is misplaced anxiety/fear about "losing" you as you "leave the nest." Some parents have a very hard time handling it when their kids leave home, and that can manifest as very inappropriate arguing over ridiculous things or other "acting out"; one of my friends, on the day of his high school graduation, had his mother throw a huge temper tantrum and grab bottles out of his room and break them on the steps to his room... and then, 10 minutes later, be all lovey-dovey and sweet, and an hour after that, crying. It was a very clear indication of poor impulse control and difficulty handling her emotions. It sounds like your mother is doing the same. That doesn't make it right, but if you can begin to understand it as something outside of her conscious control, then it might make it easier for you to deal with it.
