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No longer have respect for her

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by MtnFr3sh, Aug 20, 2013.

  1. MtnFr3sh

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    With ALL the shit my mom has pulled, I have lost all respect for her, hell, it's getting to where I could say "I hate you" and not feel bad about it, I would never say it before because she was the person I loved most and trusted most. Every time she says "I love you" I will cross my fingers (out of her sight) when I say "I love you too"

    I'll start with this and then give the latest examples of her shit, I know how supportive you guys are, but I also need to vent, but I kinda need SOLID advice on what I should do because my therapist is only saying "Do what you think is best" and that's not helping at all.

    So, on whatever night that Devious Maids show is on, there was a line from one of the mothers that said something like this
    You do not need to know about all the sacrifices I make for you, all you need to do is be happy
    Then my mom nodded and said "Yup" I scoffed, she said "It's true" I rolled my eyes, it was dark so she didn't see it.
    If you've been following all my mom's shit you will see just how much irony there is in that. I ALWAYS hear every single little sacrifice my mother makes for me, or allegedly makes anyway. I always hear just how lucky I am to not have her mom for a mother because of how much she was beat, like genuinely beat, before there were laws against child abuse, no law, but was frowned upon, she was born in 1960.... She constantly keeps me informed on just how little money we have, and how much money my father owes her.

    So, my mom is still getting upset with me about having changed my mind about taking dual credit classes, today she asked "Why did I pay for you to take that test to get in if you don't want to now?" I replied "I wanted to then, but I changed my mind" "What made you change your mind?" Then I replied with something my ex, who I'm on good terms with told me to say "I don't think I can do it, I don't want to go to the trouble if I can't do it" Then she was like "I know you can do it, you just have to not be so damn lazy! God damn, I have never seen anybody as lazy as you are" EVERY DAMN TIME I GET THIS. I told her how she just made me feel, but I got "Well, I don't think I'm doing anything that should make you feel bad"
    I CAN go and suck dicks for a living, but just because I CAN doesn't mean I am going to! Yes, you can do anything, but I'm not going to do everything just because I simply can, I could go on a killing spree, but I'm not going to.

    I have time and time again told her who has taken the test but decided to go ahead and not take the classes, but it routes down to her saying "So it's just that much more money Ill have to pay when you do go to college instead of taking them for free!" Yet she always says I shouldn't be worrying about that stuff. She always seems to make me feel like shit for the littlest things! It's not like that class period I'd be taking them is going to waste, I'm taking my required 1 year of PE in it's place!

    She already has me do a lot for her, I'm always having to make her a dinner, or I'm her tech support, seriously, something goes wrong with her computer, she makes me sit on the phone for HOURS trying to fix it.

    I'm calming down since I've vented so I'm starting to forget my mom's latest stunts. But a funny thing is, my mom thinks I'm going to the therapist for problems at school, but in reality it's problems with HER. I am getting to where I'm willing to go live with my dick of a father for a little while, I'm starting to not give two shits what my mom thinks because at her convenience she treats me like shit, she'll blow up at me because her RA and fibromyalgia is flaring up. she'll get aggravated and treat me like a piece of shit.

    I am merely tolerating her until I can get the fuck out. I am sick of it, I'd leave now but I have nowhere to go.
    I need advice on what I should do, and I know for a FACT that my mom won't kick me out because she has MAJOR abandonment issues.
     
  2. Data

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    *sigh* I just want to hug you.(*hug*)
    This was kind of the same static I dealt with when I was your age living with my mom. School was a major issue. I did hate her. I did want to move out.

    Ever since age 15 I was planning on becoming emancipated and moving out early. It just wasn't possible for me, so I toughes it out till I turned 18. At that point, she kicked ME out as if I was the problem. I worked full time and got my own place. It was smooth sailing except fir the occasional bump in the road (dead motorcycle battery and flat tire that I couldn't afford). Then when I got into my motorcycle accident and got all fucked up, I had to MOVE BACK IN WITH HER!:tears:

    I'm very sad to say that your BEST course of action is to defuse the situation as soon as it occurs.

    Let her say "Yup" and let her call you lazy. At least you know your plan and you really don't have to respond. Pretty simple, don't tango with her. When you know her Fibromyalgia and RA flare up, lock yourself away in your room and just steer clear.

    It's not your fault. Toxic family members DRAIN your life energy and it isn't your fault at ALL.
    (*hug*) Please take good care of yourself through everything despite the feelings of hopelessness you may have. This isn't forever and in reality a few years isn't anything compared to the whole life you'll live in happiness once you become 18 and move away from your mother.(*hug*)
     
  3. qwr42

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    Wow man that sucks. No child should ever hear those kinds of words from their parents, its a bit rediculous.

    Now you dont have to like your parents, but at least respect her and tolerate her because you are almost done! After that then do whatever because she wont matter anymore. (and that i this i can empathise with.)

    *hugs* i know how you feel (sorta), i wish you luck and fortune.
     
  4. MtnFr3sh

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    If I do lock myself away in her room she gets to her clingy abandonment phase and knocks on my door and pokes her head in like all pitiful "I'm lonely :frowning2: "

    So closing my door doesn't even work, and I don't have a lock on it.

    Plus, it's hard to just sit there and hear it, it makes me get on the verge of tears, sometimes actually crying when she gets like she's calling me lazy and crap. Then when she's very loudly telling me everything I've done wrong for the past few years, she gets mad at me when I flinch at a suddenly loud tone in her voice, she thinks that you only flinch if you're physically going to get hit. Then we route back in to how "lucky" I am to not have her mom for my mom because she would have beat the shit out of me soooooooooooooooooooo many times...
     
  5. Data

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    All I can say is, let her be lonely. She doesn't deserve your company after treating you like that. My mother is the same way. She NEEDS human company and if I ignore her she will go out and do something just to stay busy. It doesn't make sense to me because I can lock myself away and not see people for days without any negative reaction. She can't go 20 minutes without talking to someone. It's a way I used to make her suffer when she talked badly to me.

    Unfortunately since you don't have a lock, preventing her from coming in is impossible. Ignore her if she does though, and if she goes on a tirade telling you hurtful things, get up and leave.

    It's disgusting. I'll say it, her behavior is disgusting. It's not fitting for a mother to tell her children these things. After all that I went through with my mother, I have just become so desensitized to it. I just ignore her when she gets like that and I defuse the situation whenever I can.

    I would do what I have done. I would stop doing anything that constitutes a favor. Tech support, forget about it. Going shopping with her to keep her company, forget about it. Your responsibilities like cleaning and chores still have to be done like any kid would be expected to do.

    Also remember, since you are a minor, she is legally obligated to clothe you, feed you, educate you, etc. So if she says "fix my phone or you won't get any food" know that she can't do that. My mom tried to do that several times, and I was on the verge of calling the police until she saw that I would call her bluff to the last second and she called off her attack. At one point I had nothing but a bed and a dresser in my room. I had no TV and no cell phone, no computer, nothing! But the intensity of my determination and the uncomfortable feeling she had when I ignored her every SINGLE time she started to talk to me became too great and I got it all back. I'm very good at passive aggression. I'll call anyone's bluff no matter how uncomfortable it makes me. I'll endure just to throw it back in her face.

    The best moment in my life was when I had no strings attached to her at all. Once I had no reason to even talk to her anymore, I cut off all ties and left her and my sister alone. For months I did nothing but ignore her every attempt to communicate with me. Facebook friend requests, calls, texts, all of them went unanswered. She didn't even know if I was alive and it killed her. Of course, she got the phone call when I was in the ER almost dead from my motorcycle accident, but that was the first time she saw me in months, while I lay on the trauma bay bed half dead.

    Your mum is toxic, and there is not much you can do to change her. You need to distance yourself from her. If you go into your room and she follows you tell her to scram. If she gets belligerent, leave. If she continues to follow you, maybe go to a friend's house or go for a walk. Just don't play her fucking game.

    The way I look at it, my mom's lucky I didn't do much more then play "bounce the ball back" and go on the offensive. I had several opportunities to call CPS and have both my sister and I relocated to a foster home. I also had several opportunites to ruin her career. I didn't pull the trigger on any of that though because in the end it just would have made things much more difficult then they already were.

    Like I said, 3 years isn't anything compared to the 60 or so you'll live without her bullshit. I made it through, and so will you. Until then, all you can do is stay out of the way, don't reach out to help her in any way, and just persevere. Don't cause fights and if she causes one end it if you can.

    She's not a good mom for doing that to you. She should be ashamed of herself. Don't believe her propaganda.

    Hang in there buddy. (*hug*)