So, I've known this guy since kindergarten, literally. In the past two years or so, we've become really, really good friends (You might even say bromance level). He's an all around pretty good guy (excepting a few stereotypical teenage mannerisms). He's become the closest guy friend that I would consider coming out to, and I really want to be able to come out to him, one because I'm tired of pretending to engage in "locker-room talk" regarding girls and two because I don't like keeping this a secret from my closest friends. Unfortunately, he's made it pretty clear how much of a homophobe he is (he doesn't go out of his way to bash gay people, but he's very clear in how uncomfortable it makes him feel if we ever approach the topic even somewhat seriously.) and I feel like if I told him he'd probably stop speaking to me altogether. It sucks because I know he's a good guy when it comes down to it, but it seems like this is something he won't accept easily, if at all. Whoo, that was longer than I intended, but I was just wondering how to deal with it, and if anyone else has felt this way.
This really sucks, I know how you feel :-/ if you feel that he won't like you if your gay then its best if you don't come out to him for your own good, however, there could be a chance that if you come out to him, he'll change his views, or maybe you could try to get rid of his homophobia and then come out to him, I hope at least one of these will be a good idea
Well, if he's a homophobe then he can't be a true friend to you, can he? Just tell him, if he accepts you and he takes your friendship seriously then he might change his attitude toward gay people, and if not, well then you'll have rid yourself of someone who can't do you any good. I know, it hurts really bad just to think about it, but as I said, if he's really a homophobe then this relationship that you have with him as a friend is not only built on lies, but it will cause you a lot of unnecessary pain as time goes on. Just tell him, and what's best for you will come soon enough.
He is your friend under the assumption that you are straight, but if you came out as gay you believe he wouldn't talk to you again? If that is the case then he REALLY wasn't a friend to start with. You would be surprised about the most outspokenly homophobic people...especially teenagers, who only spruik homophobic comments to be accepted by their peers. Have a little faith, trust your gut instinct
Your friend could just be doing "careless talk"... in that, if he knew about you, he might realise it is offensive to you and change his ways ? (ie: he'd think before he speaks in future ...) All other comments above apply ...
Yeah, I've thought about all that, and maybe he wouldn't outright start ignoring me, but still...I expect the reaction to be less than satisfactory. Although, perhaps I'm underestimating his ability to open his mind. I guess there's no way to know without telling him, but I'm afraid to do it :/
Start by defending gays when he talks smack about them, then he wont be surprised or upset when you tell him, because he will know it is a sensitive topic to you.
I'm going through the phase of testing my friends to see how homophobic they are, luckily we live in a pretty liberal area but there are still some socials "eww"'s and "that's wrong"'s. If he's not accepting of who you are then hes not a true friend, it's simple. I also like to think that through my homophobe attacking, I've made more friends more open to it and more accepting people, maybe you can do the same for him?
So I have experience in this situation. I have two girl friends who I entrusted my coming out to. But there was also this guy friend I had who WAS extremely homophoic so I didn't want to lost him. He was my only got friend who I trusted with everything. So, on accident, my better of the two girlfriends told him. It just slipped. And guess what? I talk about how hot____ or what eve. So he is on with it now. I wouldn't say he loves fast people, but he at least tolerates me. We still chill every day like normal. So just do out, because of he truly your friend he won't care
As he knows you personally you are different to his sterotypical view of gay people etc. I'm sure if you explain fully about it all he will have a better understanding of you at least and will accept you for who you are and not tar you with the same brush he may be using for gay people as a whole. I have friends who openly say homophobic things to me but say 'I'm so glad you aren't like that' etc, which is fair enough, there are things we don't like about a lot of people and everyone is different, not all gay people are the same just like not all straight people are the same. Hopefully you will show him that and he will realise .
Coming out to him might make him realise that - yes - gay people are really just normal people. Because he knows you so well, and seems so comfortable around you, maybe it will be a wakeup call. Usually homophobes are just ignorant to how gay people actually are. They picture all of the stereotypes, and maybe you will help break a lot of those down. I doubt he will want to lose his best friend over it, and if he does, then you will come to the realisation that he was never really a friend at all.
