Hello everyone there! I was reading the forum and thought that you guys are all so nice here and supportive, so maybe I should tell my story. I'm not quite sure if any kind of advice can be given, but if you have something to say - go ahead. I'm 17, she's 18. I'm bi, don't know about her, when we talked about it she said "Can you tell for sure? We are young, we haven't tried anything, we don't know anything about ourselves yet". Ok, so now everything in series. We've always been friends at school cause we have a lot in common. She used to flirt A LOT with me. Like when we shared a room in the hotel and she turned off the lights and started to walk towards me in a sexy walk.. Or she grabbed my ass while we were hugging. She lets me hug her and lay my head on her shoulder or her knees and such stuff. Also, during graduation after we drank some alcohol she looked at me fixedly and then said "You know what? I like you". I answered "Yeah? Well, I like you too". We spent almost all time together there, walking outside and talking, hugging (those were loong intimate kinds of hugs) and so on. I'm going to move to another country for university and we always joke that after I settle there, she will move in with me and we will live together. Last weekend we were sitting in her country house listening to music and I was laying on her shoulder again and I asked "You're not against me laying on her shoulder, are you?" and she answered "No, I'm FOR it". (that sounds weird in english but I just translate from our native language literally to not miss any detail >.<) I've always assumed we have something more than friendship but it never went further than just hugs and flirt. I thought I am special, although she flirts with other girls as well, but hm I don't really know how much. Nor I neither she ever did have any relationship. I was permanently feeling in and out of love with her since March. Also I had feelings for a man, that was obviously a hopeless situation but still I was going kinda crazy, and I told her about it. After graduation I had some real feelings for her but soon I got tired of always being the one who cares the most so I kind of made them go away. Of course, after that she started complaining that I don't care for her at all >.< I always go to extremes, either care about a person with my whole heart or just try to forget about them to stop being stressed. July was a month of being a total hermit for me, I didn't really talk to anyone. When she asked me then what happened, I told her I don't want any kind of communication cause it doesn't make sense and she asked again like whether I didn't want to talk to ANYONE and (I regret it so much) I said that yes, to anyone, meaning that it includes her. Now I just found out that I probably should ask her how did she take it or apologize or sth.. Since when she dragged me out of hermiting I feel something to her again and I had a possibility to learn that she doesn't probably have any romantic feelings for me. We were playing a game during a party, firstly we had to name what we like the most about the appearance of a person who sits right to us, and I said lips about her. Then after the round was over, we were told that now we have to kiss that person to the place we said. She seemed totally bewildered and only let me barely touch her lips like for 1 second. I made an offended look and told her I'm offended not once since then, but she seems to take it not seriously and jokes that I should have said something else. She knows something is up with me but doesnt get it that it's about her although I gave A LOT of hints. We are going to study in different countries since autumn. I don't have any more hope to be with her, but I don't think I can let feelings go completely ever. So well, that's my story. Thanks for listening, it means a lot to me ^^
Wow, well it sounds like soon you'll both be off doing your own thing in different countries, but I can tell by how you write that you really care about this girl. If you're both leaving anyway is it so bad to tell her how you feel? That you might be a bit curious over being with her? Just a suggestion. I could be way off base. Also you did a really good job of translating. Most native English speakers don't even write that well.
myheartincheck, wow, really, you can see from my post that I care about her? That's really nice, I wasn't even thinking of emphasizing it while writing, so I guess yeah, I do care about her I don't know if I should tell cause I'm really afraid of screwing our friendship. She's one of just 2 people whom I can trust and who support me totally. This would probably sound weird but I think it would be more or less fine if I told her while we were still at school cause we'd be around all the time anyway and would somehow learn to communicate without feeling awkward. But when we're in different countries, it will be hard to keep in touch if she doesn't want to. And I really, really wouldn't want to lose contact, even if we're just friends. About translation, thanks, I'm fluent in English, been learning it since I was like 5, so it feels almost like third native for me
