How to deal with my brother's worstening homophobia?

If its possible, move out and get an apartment on your own. Technically that isnt changing roomates and some apartments are cheaper than the dorms. Just hang out with mates a lot and you should be fine. (proceed to ignore as better advice surfaces)

 

Can you kick his ass? You don't need that shithead around you. If you think you can reason with him, then do so. Ultimately, you will never be able to stand up for yourself if you are dependent on both remaining in the closet, and on your parents' finances.

Consider moving out. Consider going to a different college. Tell your parents you cannot and will not live with him. Consider coming out to your parents, even if it means financing your own education.

Most people who want a roommate absolutely understand and expect to share a fridge and a microwave.

 

I don't know what major you are, but schools kind of starting soon. Transferring to another college (Next semester?) that have a good, reputable situation for your major might be a good reason to transfer the fuck out from your brother. (And maybe sly method too.) Though I don't know how finance works with that.

You shouldn't have to babysit your brother? IDK. He's a responsible adult now.

And I'm sorry to hear your brother is insulting you. Try and tune out his insults. He's probably the one with issues anyways.

If he's a freshman, maybe he's still acting like a rowdy teenagers, and it's going to take some time for him to hopefully grow up.

 

Sorry you're going through this nightmare!

As Ticklish Fish pointed out, you shouldn't need to babysit your brother. Regardless of what your mom might think.

Plus, a bitter reality: if he decides his only interest is partying (or otherwise goofing off), there's not much you can really do. I knew one guy in my first semester who seemed intelligent. But he was only interested in partying, and by the time all was said and done, he only barely survived that semester. And he probably shouldn't have even done that.

If you are interested in a roommate change that may be possible. Your brother might be quite happy with a roommate change. The only explanation that's really needed for your family is something like, "It just didn't work out!" Or something equally innocuous.

Even if he's not interested in a roommate change it may be possible, policy or no policy if you talk to the right person.

I agree that given your college financial concerns that getting your brother disciplined by the zero tolerance, anti-bully policy is a bad idea. However...if problems occur that are clearly not directly tied into your sexual orientation, you might have the ammo to get at least a roommate change. If, for example, some night he gets really drunk, and attacks you, that attack could give you a strong case for roommate change.

---------- Post added 25th Aug 2013 at 01:29 AM ----------

Oh, yes: as for sharing a fridge and microwave with a new roommate--I think that's done all the time. It makes no sense each guy buying his own.

Also, short of changing roommates, it might be possible to get some help from someone official in at least getting détente. Indeed, it would seem logical that the first step before even considering roommate changes is to try to get the current situation working. But I don't know how that sort of thing works these days.

 

One final thought: you might consider your computer setup and how its used. Make sure it's safe from your brother. The last thing you need is to have him come in behind your back and delete your EC account.

 

Well, you can give him back what he is giving you but mixed with showing him you care. Tell him something like: "look you little shit, i'm just want you to have good grades and you pay me back with insults!" That way you are looking strong and firm while showing you -care about his grades- so its not a declaration of war but you are not looking weak, if you look weak he is more likely to bother you.

I don't know what else to tell you.

 

Tell him how he's making you feel and tell him that if this carries on you dont want to be roomates any more.

 

Do you have a guidance counsellor or anyone? Could you explain the situation to them, they might be able to help you move without the normal procedures. You could tell them what your brother is doing but explain that you don't want him in trouble.

 

I say talk to your RA and just tell him/her that you're not getting along because he's not treating you with respect and would like to be moved. That's how I would word it.

 

I agree with this. Unless you two have a history of getting along swimmingly and this is a new occurence you could probably just tell your parents that you werent getting along, wanted to try living on your own for a while, etc.

I know you want to keep an eye out for him, but if it's costing you your sanity you really need to think about yourself before you concern yourself over him.

 

It's good you talked with the RA.

It's a little early for someone to flunk out, but someone might drop out within a month.

 

college experience should be a fun time for you, a time where you will experience freedom, make new friends, enjoy your life way from parents and obvious work hard on your future career, you should not be living with some one that keeps offending you or baby seat your brother.

First of all tell him that he cant keep on calling names, second of try to move as fast as you can, third, tell your parents that its THEIR job to keep you brother on line, you shouldn't be put with the responsibility to keep him from trouble, this will only add friction to your relationship with him. I get along wit my brothers but I wouldn't appreciate them tell me how to act in college.

 

Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time of it.

I agree with the others who have advised that you should not have to mind your brother. It only adds friction to the relationship. On the other hand, there is no excuse for how he is treating you. You need to set limits and tell him that if he continues with his verbal abuse there will be consequences. (You don't have to tell him what consequences-- cross that bridge if and when you come to it.) You and your brother have lifetime relationship, so at some point there will need to be a reconciliation between the two of you. Perhaps the college's counseling center (often a part of the student health service) can assist with this. If your brother doesn't want to go for counseling you should go by yourself. They can coach you on how to best deal with this problem.

I think switching rooms is a good idea. It will provide a cooling-off period for the two of you, which might help eventually mend your relationship. Also, it sounds as if you both have a very different life style (not even considering your being gay) that wouldn't make you very compatible roommates under any circumstance.

Hang in there bornintexas. You have our support!

Milan