My son and his wife are separated and getting a divorce. He told his brother that he's gay. The younger one will never accept this and has basically said he will have nothing more to do with him. The younger also took it upon himself to tell their dad. This is such a freakin mess! I now don't know who else he is going to tell. It's not for HIM TO TELL! He said "if I thought it would do any good, I'd lock him in a room and beat this shit out of him". (his brother). Scary. The younger one took up for his brother in school because they were so different. He is now embarrassed because he said it was all for nothing. He says his brother has ruined his life. This is all going to hit the fan in a few days when the older son comes home. What should be a time of visiting and catching up will now be marred and strained.
Are you the mother to both of them? If you are, then you should be able to talk to the younger one and tell him to calm down. Do you think the he will keep the grudge? You need to make it absolutely clear that you will not tolerate his homophobia (at least in your presence).
Yes, I am the mother of both of them. Unfortunately, the younger one is 24 years old and out of my home. We are close but not as close as his brother and I. Using names will be easier and less confusing. The younger son (John) is very narrow-minded and I believe will continue to feel this way. He is very homophobic. They only get to see each other for a few weeks every other year due to Paul (the older) living very far away so our time with Paul is precious. John says that he will just have nothing more to do with his brother. Paul is coming home for the first time since separating, coming out and being outed. What should be a precious time may now be horribly strained. John's homophobia will never be tolerated in my presence though. Rest assured. We are all just still in shock. Paul is married to a beautiful, talented woman. When he told me he was bi=sexual, after they married, I wasn't too shocked. But now that they are finally through with so much schooling and finally able to start the life that everyone expected they would, it's over. On one hand I'm glad Paul didn't wait until he had children and lived a double life hiding things from his wife and family. I just afraid of what the future holds for him. He makes far less money than his wife and will now be back to living in poverty like when he was first studying. Now, having lost her, her family and many friends, he will be alone.
I'm sorry to hear about the struggles in your family right now, but Paul is lucky to have such a concerned and loving mother on his side. Maybe you should tell Paul to come here to EC, if you're concerned about him not having any sort of support system where he is now (which I gather is far away from you). He could get connected to other gay people through here and possibly through groups that are local to him. It's a good way to share in the experience of coming out and being part of the gender and sexual minorities community! I don't kno what to say about your younger son's homophobia, but I'm sure others will have more experience and knowledge than I do. I hope your visit with Paul goes well and that his coming out to you will only serve to deepen your relationship. You seem like a really great parent
Thank you for your kindness. I will invite Paul to join EC. He's the one who really needs the support. I love him for what he is and for what he is not. I love him for what he has been and what he will be. He is my son. I can do no less.Thanks again.
