Sorry for the long read, a lot on my mind. I'm really confused now as to what is going on. For the first time, I decided to come out to someone, my mom. I was on that side of town anyways and decide to just get it done, so I went to her place. Maybe a month ago(?) a cousin of mine had asked me if anyone ever asked me if I was gay and I said no. He said his gf, before they dated, thought he was because of him not being in a relationship/date in some years and he noticed me being in that kind of situation. I asked where that conversation came from and he said he was just wondering and we haven't said anything about it since. Well anyways, I decided to use this thought as a way to slip in me coming out with better ease and my mom was completely shocked. I was shocked too because of hearing parents all the time saying they knew for a while and all of that. She at first kept saying 'no you aren't nah' though I kept trying to assure her I was for real. That's when she had brought up that cousin talking to her. She said he was the only one who's ever asked her about me and it was the kind of info I was looking for as well. The thing is, she was acting really weird for a while, even though she tried to be supportive; it was freaking me out as well, it's like she thought I was up to something. Well to make things less awkward, I just told her that I was only saying all that I did because I wanted to confirm if this cousin had been asking anyone else closer to me about it all and she looks like she's genuinely bought it and thought I was playing about being gay. Everything seems 'normal' and I'm not sure what the hell is going on. I'm not sure if this cousin was trying to see if I was going to reveal anything so that he'd be comfortable revealing something else or if he was just trying to pry some info out of me(he can come across as nosy and sneaky) for other reasons. ...and what is going on with my mom? Is it denial or does she really think I was playing about it all? It's all just making me uncomfortable and annoyed and neither is going to give me any answers. Just for the record, they are also different situations, just intertwined in that one instance where he asked her. It makes me regret saying anything or even thinking of those talks. Can't think of anybody else I'd be interested in talking to about anything as well because of various reasons. Not really friends with anybody out who's still around or anybody in the area going through this, kind of wish I knew some others; feel oddly alone.
