A guy I "met" online

Okay so here's the story.

About a month ago I went through a pretty emotional breakup, with this guy I met through a dating website. Shortly after the breakup I decided to go back to where it all started, and started using the site again. I found this one guy that really sparked my interest... And according to the site we were a 99% match for each other lol. So I decided to spark up a conversation.. He responded, and since then we've exchanged numbers and have texted each other literally every day for the last month.

The only thing is, he lives over two hours away from me. Which definitely doesn't make for an ideal dating situation. I've also never even heard his voice yet - we are planning on skyping or something in the near future but it's hard for me to determine yet if I'm truly attracted to him. But based on our text conversations, we seem to be growing really close and I almost find myself falling for a guy I have never met or spoken to.

I guess I'm just trying to get some advice, maybe from people who have been in similar situations where you meet somebody online that lives far away and whether or not it's worth pursuing. I know I still need to give it time and wait til we actually meet in person but I have no idea when that will be, and I'm feeling conflicted because I feel like I like this guy already but I also don't want to limit myself and not pursue other guys who are closer to my area

 

Thanks for the help guys!

I guess the main reason I feel so on the fence about this is that we have made such a connection. The dating site definitely got it right when it said we were a 99% match - we have the same interests, same values, same opinions on a lot of things. I feel like this guy is perfect for me. So I guess it just kind of scares me that, A: he lives 2 hours away and I've never really liked the idea of long distance relationships, and B: I feel such a strong connection with someone I've never met or spoken to. I'm kind of afraid that when we do meet/speak for the first time I won't be as attracted to him as I think I will. I am definitely attracted to his personality and he's a good looking guy in the pics I have seen of him, but I think he's also a bit more feminine than the guys I am typically attracted to. I'm just worried the spark will disappear when I meet him because at this point we seem so compatible.

But then at the same time I'm also worried that I'll still be attracted to him (maybe even more so) after meeting him because like I said, I've never been a fan of the idea of dating someone who lives far away. For me it kind of ruins the point of dating - you're suppose to date someone you can see and hang out with on a regular basis. I mean I suppose if the attraction is still there after we meet, we can find a way to make it work. I'm just scared of the unknown hahah

 

Thanks Lexington, that's encouraging to hear that it's working out for you.

We're definitely going to arrange a time to talk. We've both just been very busy lately that we literally don't have any time to chat until late at night - but we're going to both be getting more settled down pretty soon so I'd say we'll be talking in the near future. I'm kind of nervous though, even though I feel like I shouldn't be because I feel like I know him so well already.

 

Thanks again for the comments guys

The next step is obviously to talk to him so I get a better feel for how we connect when we actually speak. I'm just still really worried that the spark will die out because I don't know how easy it would be to find someone who's as compatible with me as he seems to be. I want this to work so bad but I feel like there are a lot of things that could make it not work

As far as the voice thing goes, it's funny you bring it up phospho because I'm kind of the same way. If someone has a weird voice it can be a huge turn off for me. And even though I still haven't spoken to this guy he has posted videos on Facebook and such where I can hear little snippets of his voice and it does sound a little weird to me lol.. But I'm not going to try and let it affect me that much because obviously people can't control what their voice sounds like

 

Okay, I know this is a very old post but I do have an update to this story.

After nearly two months of talking (only through text mind you) I finally met this guy in person. We met up in a city located pretty much halfway between us - figured that would be the safest option for our first "date". It went really well - as soon as I met the guy I felt totally relaxed and felt like I had known him for years. We had a really awesome time. There seemed to be chemistry there too - I was definitely attracted to him and I got the impression he was attracted to me as well.

Unfortunately there's still the issue of how far apart we live, and that our work schedules don't really match up well. He works most weekends, while weekends are the only days I have off. I expressed my concerns to him and he told me to stay positive and that we would make it work out, and he did express interest in meeting up again (he mentioned several times during our "date" that there were places in his city he wanted to show me, and I told him about a few days in November that I have off, and he seemed up for the idea of hanging out then)

But I tend to be an overly-paranoid person, and I have my doubts about this whole thing. My biggest problem is that I get overly-attached to people I like. I'm just so drawn to this guy and want so badly to make something work with him, but sometimes I get the feeling like he doesn't care as much. And again I don't know if that's just paranoia on my part or what.

When we both got back home we texted a bit. (Sidenote: Before we parted ways at the end of the day, we hugged each other and I was totally willing to kiss him, but we didn't). I let him know in a text that I wanted to kiss him but got the feeling he didn't want to... he said it wasn't that he didn't want to but that he felt we should wait to feel each other out first and see how we got along in person. I mean, after spending almost an entire day together I feel like we did get a really good feel for each other and did get along really well, and to me a kiss at the end of the night just felt right, but I guess not for him.

Not only that, but I have looked at his profile a few times on the dating site we met on (yeah, I know, it seems a bit stalker-ish) and I've noticed that he still logs onto it very frequently. His "reply rate" is listed as being very low, but it still worries me that he still uses the site so actively. It's like he's still looking for other guys to talk to...while I have pretty much no interest at this point of meeting anyone else. I just want to focus on him right now. I worry that he doesn't feel the same.

I know I probably sound ridiculous because I've only met the guy once, but I've been talking to him for a long time now and I feel like we connect so well, that I think it makes sense for us to at least try a relationship. I guess I'm really afraid of setting myself up for failure. I don't deal well at ALL with rejection and heartbreak, and I'm afraid of getting to emotionally attached to this guy who lives so far away and who may not even be as into me as I am into him.

Sorry for the long winded post... but anyone have any advice who might be going through (or has gone through) a similar situation?

 

Hey Tightrope, not sure if you read the update to my story but it might answer some of those questions lol. We have met in person now, and he is definitely normal and not creepy. We have a lot in common and we clicked really well. There was definitely chemistry - at least I felt it on my part.

At this point I am just concerned about the distance between us and whether or not he's as interested in me as I am in him.

 

We are both in our mid 20s but we have both had enough relationship experience where we know what we're looking for and we are both ready to find a special someone. For me I really think that someone could be him. I'm just not sure if he feels the same.

When I told him about how nice it was to meet him finally, and how comfortable I felt talking to him, he agreed and said it felt like we were old friends talking. I'm not sure if that was just a poor choice of words or if that's all he sees us as, is two friends. I know for me personally I am not going to waste my time and gas money on visiting someone who only sees us as friends and nothing more.

But again, this was all said through text and I guess sometimes things can be misinterpreted through texting. He still wants to meet up with me again (and I believe next time we meet we may actually spend the night together) so I guess that will be the determining factor for this whole thing.

 

You make a good point and I feel kind of foolish now for thinking this way. I guess "wasting my time and money" came off a bit harsh and that's not really what I meant... I just feel that we have been talking for so long now and I feel we have made a strong connection, and I really want it to develop into something more, and I just worry that it will end up not working out between us.

It's not that I'm only looking to sleep with him, either - actually the opposite. I don't even want to sleep with him yet, I just want to continue to develop our relationship.

I guess he seems to be more of the type to want to take things slow, which I can understand and respect. I'm just more of the impatient type I guess, lol. Again, I will have to see how things play out when we meet again.

 

I completely agree with you. I think the point I was trying to make though is that driving 2+ hours to visit someone is really only something I'd be willing to do for a best friend or family member, someone I've known my whole life. It just seems like a long distance to drive just to hang out with a friend I met online and haven't known for very long. If it's to develop a potential relationship though, then that's something I'm much more willing to do. I hope that doesn't sound too cold-hearted but it's just how I feel.