Tired

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...long-distance-relationship-i-am-confused.html

the above is the original story, if anyone of you find that to be useful....

long story short. I am in a long distance relationship with her for half a year already. We met online, on a dating website. I flew to her once a month and 2 months ago she said she is tired in this r/s.

time flies and now two months later. We are still together, however, as said I noticed the warning signal. During the two-month-time we did have a seemingly normal time that we text everyday and have cam time occasionally. She is texting with others that I never questioned and I can feel that some of those are the online buddies she found on the dating site. I have slowly cutting loose myself to the attachment (so you see how this defense mechanism works...). I still am on to her, very much, like last couple of weeks I talked to my friends for financial and legal arrangement on making sure that she will get my money when I turn 50 even if we got separated. Yes, this is exactly the way that I loved her. Just I put more of my passion back into the crate, in the sense of metaphor, pack it up, preserve them for my life long lament.

And couple of days ago she raised up the same old lame topic again. She started with saying that my text get her annoyed lately, and said her feeling to me changed back to friends and she really wants to screw around with others. This time I simply said OK then we separate and she can just go to wherever and see whoever. And then she hesitated and said this is not the right time to get split up. I said it is ok I will wait for her until she forgot about me, I will just be the same extent of loving her and all that. That I am saying what I exactly mean, since I have already gone through like 5 or 6 serious long term relationships and I am far from a player anymore. But then she insisted to stay together. I give out all the reasons that we should be separated like her love to me is just pity love and we are not in good timing and all that, but she refuted all those, one by one. So finally we settled on an agreement, as I will be going to her on this coming Saturday, we will continue our discussion face to face by then. And that she said she wants to hold on till the end of this year so we can experience more and our r/s will be like around a year before we decide to go on or cut off.

After that we hang up the video chat and I went to bed. In my bed I cannot get rid of the thinking that she just want me to stay with her for the Halloween and Xmas, as planned we will have 2 good trips and events on these 2 days, plus her bday on Dec. Then I texted her saying that I cannot get rid of this thinking and please go to find someone else to have fun with you on these planned event.

The following morning she got up and reply me saying that she is totally not up to this BS Halloween and trips, she just think that her conscience stopped her from doing multiple timing and if we get separated that will be a lost cause for her, since I will be the best one she can ever have. And then I said ok then we hold on till then and wait for her decision. But to be honest my heart is already holding back and I doubt if I will bother to panic anymore when she throw up again this topic. I get tired. Can you inspire or enlighten me on this matter? I think I definitely get stuck... thanks...

 

thanks Lex.

Just to the simplest the money is not what she asked - it is totally from me. since she got some disability that she will have difficulties in hunting jobs if she unfortunately get laid off in her middle age PLUS if her mum passed away at the same time. So this is the plan from me to make sure she can make a living at the very least. but this money is not important. as she is not on to money, this is what i can be sure.

Thanks for the reminder, this is what in my mind too, the interest stuff. she definitely lost her interest on me, at least on chatting. However, she does show interest in meeting me in person. And she still replying my text. I think the best is to be prepare for her "sudden" pull off in the short future.

I think I have conveyed my will - "please do yourself a favor to find someone else to have fun with you while I am staying with you". she said no, and said this is her responsibility to hold on to this r/s. But one day when i ask her directly "if the 'lost cause' that you are referring to is removed, do you still love me?", she evaded. I think I have got my answer and therefore my unconscious holding back.

Thanks again for listening to my grumble. I will come again to finish this topic when we officially end this relationship, to record some plausible useful advice to similar situation. Anticipating the start of next year.

 

Hi all,

Just by chance I come again and I checked my old post. Since I promised I will come back to finish this story with an ending so here I am.

I mean, in the LGBT world, love is love, the same feeling for all human beings. When it comes to relationship, put aside the legal status, it would be just the same. Anyway I think my story might ring some bells when destiny arranged for such.

I visited her once or twice (honestly I have already forgotten) after the last post. I talked her out with all my love philosophy and she said ok and i was making sense and all that. But once I flew back home she switched back to no reply for my text. She poked me a few times by calling me affectionately when i went silent for a day or two. She kept saying she was very busy at work and was not able to reply to my text. I just took all them. And then one day, in November 2013, she asked me to apply for my travel VISA for our planned XMas trip. Just then she returned to fully texting mode and kept blaming me why i delayed the process and not getting it earlier. I believe at that point i just broke into the no returning point. I asked her whether she has decided to move on and she replied will i be upset. I said no i won't and no matter what i am in for the xmas trip. Then she replied yes she has moved on. She planned to break up with me after the trip which we left some happy memories together. Then I said I am sorry I lied. I won't go to the XMas trip. And then as guessed she asked me for money - to pay for her XMas trip's hotel.

Originally i promised to pay for my part, cause she booked the room for two and it is already November. I didn't really checked the receipt she emailed me so I just planned to pay whatever she was asking. Then after two days she texted again and asked whether I can pay a few more hundreds. I said that is a large sum to me and said no, then she said is that amount the maximum that I can offer.

and then i blocked her number and wait for 24 hours before i send her a thousands words email to scold her fucking bitch. (ok, i was just trying to explain why she is a bitch to me and i didn't really use F words) and then after weeks she texted my friend to ask her to ask me for money.

the short ending is yes i paid. for my dignity. then after some time through others facebook i know she met one or a few of other people but all didn't end well. then she checked me out on the dating website we met then i deactivated my account. so i don't know anything about her from then on.

cause of this experience i am very much scared and feared about distance, till now. however cause of destiny and God of Cupid, i am in another long distance relationship and we are getting married soon. I mean, if there is a problem, the distance would be the last to cause it but only you and your partner are all that matter.

thank you for all the advice i get from here, and i am blessed to be loved by my current awesome life partner after all the chaos. I believe we can only be loved and cherished if we decided to do that to our own.

Best regards,
meaningless