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Kinda depressed and desperate...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by heyguyz, Aug 28, 2013.

  1. heyguyz

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone... I don't really know why I'm actually making this thread. I just... kinda want to tell everyone how I feel and maybe get some advice from normal people.

    Basically, I'm 16 gay. I knew I was gay since I was around 7 - 8 yes I know it sounds weird but it's true. I still haven't accepted the fact that I'm gay, however I've already started coming out to some people, including my mum. Her reaction wasn't the best one, she cried etc. but the most painful bit was when she told me not to tell anyone else in my family because it'll cause " family problems ". I'd never expect her to say that, it kinda hit me ... However, after some time she got used to that. But now, 6 months later whatever I do, I breathe, say , she always calls me a fag*ot. Whenever I talk about these super cool trousers I wanna buy, she will always call me a fag*ot. It kinda hurts, you know...

    Another things is that I kind of want to come out to everyone. I feel really trapped in my own life, I'm not a feminine guy, at all, but I'd really want to somehow show everyone that I'm gay... My dad is a little bit homophobic, but I don't think he would disown me. I just... really want to do something against my mum, and just tell every single person that I'm gay. And finally feel so like myself...

    Also, the fact that I'm gay kinda scares me. I'm always depressed, I haven't left my house for around 3 years now. I can see my mum's look whenever I want to go somewhere. Also, because I can't accept myself, I'm becoming a bit of a freak... I don't have any friends, at all. No one talk to, at all. No one to hung around with... Now people at my school think that I'm some sort of a freak...

    I also dont know a single gay guy, I don't even know a single gay guy. I have never even met a gay guy. I have no chance to meet one, and I wouldn't have the guts to speak one.

    So yea... that's my life guys, everyday is the same, so appreciate what you have, cuz one day, you can become ME.
     
  2. resu

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    Tell your mom to stop calling you a fag. That is beyond disrespectful/hurtful, especially to her own child. You cannot tolerate this.

    Also, keep posting here. At least you can talk to us. :slight_smile:
     
  3. meaningless

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    put aside of your sexuality, you have to love yourself before you love others. if you even deny your own existence, no one can help. if i were you i will just be myself, ignore the looks of your mum and just go outside, get some sunshine, sweat a lot and try to befriend with everyone even to the bird feeding uncle! cheer up man i am sure you will be alright.
     
  4. Stephany

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    Love yourself!!! You are awesome. You have a purpose. You will get through this. It may not seem like it now, it may seem that you will forever be alone, but you won't and you aren't. Cyber friends can at least take some of the lonely feelings away, so please, keep posting here...but you really do need to find someone, anyone, to befriend in person. Scary as that may be. Do not be ashamed of who you are. You are beautiful exactly as you are.

    Shame on your mother. She is reflecting her insecurities on you. That behavior has got to stop! Your ages are different, you say 16 but your profile says 19... if you are 19.. I'd move if I were you. Even if it meant working double shifts somewhere and having to have a roommate in a crap apartment. If you are 16, you will have to tough it out, which sucks. But know that your Mom's insecurities are hers and have nothing to do with you. If you want to come out and are ready to come out, come out. You can write a letter, send out an e-mail, wear a shirt, put it in a Christmas card, take each person individually etc... there are so many ways that have been done.

    I wish you the best of luck. Try and keep your head up... as cliche as it sounds, it does get better.
     
  5. heyguyz

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    Thanks guys.. I will probably just come out to everyone without any planning, just like that. It wil be easier for me to do that.. And I am 16, so I need to stay... Also, my mum said that we will talk about my sexuality, but I really do not want to :/