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Finding love at work/school, Yea or nay??

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by oddlife35, Aug 28, 2013.

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  1. oddlife35

    oddlife35
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    Is looking for love at work or school OK? I've recently started grad school as an older student, not old, old, but older and there are many my age there. I'm not out yet, but plan to be soon. I'm new to this. I see guys that are attractive to me and of course, I don't know if they are gay. Should I even be doing this? Grad school is not exactly like college but not exactly like work. Still, what do others think? Looking for love at work or school OK? Is it realistic? Any stories?
     
    #1 oddlife35, Aug 28, 2013
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2013
  2. Jay1983

    Jay1983 Guest

    There's a well known rule that you shouldn't flirt and have an intimate relationship with a colleague. It can create many problems. Jealously amongst colleagues. Argument. And more.

    One of my former straight colleagues fell in love and married to another colleague. They only lasted for several months. The girl eventually resigned and moved to another company.

    But he didn't learn the lesson.

    Fast forward few months, he flirted with another colleague. They broke up after few months being together. Both of them resigned.

    I'm not saying you can't have a relationship with your colleague as it may work for you. But it's not encouraged.

    I can't speak for school though.
     
    #2 Jay1983, Aug 29, 2013
  3. ryanalexander61

    ryanalexander61
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    I'm also a grad student. I don't see what would be wrong with looking for a relationship or even just friendship among your classmates. If things go south, you really would just have to avoid taking the same classes as them or even if you had to, it might be tolerable.

    Grad students aren't working so they have a different sort of social life then the working population (likely can't go out as much and stuff) so someone in your program might be a better match lifestyle-wise.
     
    #3 ryanalexander61, Aug 29, 2013
  4. oddlife35

    oddlife35
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    Ha ha. Seems like opposite advice. But I get it.

    Jay, it is a serious issue. I think I saw in the news today that an executive at Google just left the company, possibly due to a bad break up.

    RA61, my grad school is big but my group is small and pretty tight. But there seem to be some straight couples in the group, so I guess it's an OK thing.

    I'm just so used to not being into anyone since for me gay was a social no no and straight was a mental no no. So I was just stuck with a "no go" on scoping anyone out. So I'm still getting used to what's OK and not OK with scoping.

    I guess, I'll just go with my instincts. Anyone in the same boat??
     
    #4 oddlife35, Aug 30, 2013
  5. Sebastian1

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    I don't believe you have much control who you fall in love with. If it happens, it happens; love can creep up on you out of nowhere. It's a natural, organic process and, when you find it, far more important than work/college.

    oddlife35, I wish I could have blocked it all off like you have. I used to be able to do that. But I fell for a guy at my uni and couldn't stop it from happening :/
     
    #5 Sebastian1, Aug 30, 2013
  6. BryanM

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    I'm not saying that romance between colleagues can't work, but most of the time it can create a distraction at work. Dating a fellow student is fine with me, just be aware that if the relationship ends, you may not be as close to that person and their friends as you used to be. As to whether it's feasible or not, that all depends on of the person is interested in you. Then it would be perfectly feasible. If you see someone you like, ask them if they'd like to hang out sometime or something, and see how it goes. Just do what you think is right and love will come your way. :slight_smile:
     
    #6 BryanM, Aug 30, 2013
  7. oddlife35

    oddlife35
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    Thanks, Sebastian1. Yeah, well, I fell for a guy as well before and he was straight and, yeah, it was/is still sad. But slowly getting over it. So I'm not exactly that great at blocking it off, but I guess I'm OK at it.

    I used to block it off a lot better, but now that I'm getting ready to coming out with family, friends and school as well, it's like my ON button is beeping in my ears.

    Thanks paradox15. I'm just starting at this program, so I'm also making new friends at the same time, so there's just so many things happening at once.

    Is this what straight guys go through, too? Like are they making friends and also scoping out girls at the same time? Again, I just always blocked it off because I was trying to be straight, so then everyone was "just a friend." Now it's like... hey that cute guy can potentially be more than a friend because I'm allowing myself to think that way. And, there are some cute guys around. Ugh.
     
    #7 oddlife35, Aug 31, 2013
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