Why people think we chose it?

I think the distinction is that, yes, people choose to act on their feelings or attractions, but that they don't choose their orientation. Some of these people, the religious and conservative types, claim that even the orientation is a choice and therefore can be changed or reversed. That's why they think that, so it gives them a soapbox to operate from. We've all heard and read about the fallout from those reversal attempts.

Some religious groups are thinking that you don't choose it, but they don't want you to act on it. The reality is that, even if a person was in a committed set up or totally abstaining, the more mainstream religious and political types might still have some people among their ranks who have a problem with that person or people because they know their own sexual urges, and therefore think that GLBT people will act on theirs as well. And why shouldn't they? That's probably why they say it's against God's plan. So exactly why is it against God's plan? That they can't answer in simple terms.

 

Because people don't think. It's the same reason most people can talk to a reasonable standard about things they know nothing about, they get bits and pieces here and there and guess the rest based on things they think it relates to and guess work.

Lets take a related example from my life. My mum though bisexuality meant that I could never have a long term relationship.

She thought this because she's never really thought about what bisexuality means before but had to come up with something because I'd just come out to her that morning. She went through everything she could relate to, understood the idea that it meant you could be attracted to men and women but since she'd never really considered it, she assumed you could only be attracted to one at a time. If I hadn't corrected her she would have gone on thinking that forever.

Now think about the last person you heard telling you that orientation or gender was a choice. How prepared where they to listen to any form of counter-argument? I'm betting not very. From the people I've seen most tend to already have the argument planned in there head and will make there next point if it makes sense or not. "It's Adam and Eve..." "Sex if for reproduction..." "AIDS! AIDS AIDS!" "It's not natural..." "The (holy text) says..." "Nobody was gay before disco..." and all that other crap. Not one of them has ever turned round after hearing contrary evidence and said "You know what, you're right, I'd better have a think about this!". Now that person is going to go off and discuss it with people who think the same thing and there they have assurance that other people, or in some minds EVERYONE ELSE EVER, thinks the same way.

There is also the argument that if it was a choice people would take it to be different. To stand out and to generally cause problems. This is usually used against anything young people do and isn't helped when the media tends to focus primarily on young, gay men and not ageing lesbians!

 

One of the many things that made me slink into the closet years ago was the notion that being gay was a "sexual preference". Well, sure, I got hot looking at cute guys, I watched gay porn, I dated girls but had to force myself to be affectionate, but my sexual "preference" was the one that would get me a wife, kids and the same life my parents had. I "preferred" to be straight, so how could I possibly be gay? The term "orientation" is so much more realistic, and so frustrating to the kooks and haters who can't comprehend the notion that we don't CHOOSE our sexuality, it is an integral part of our identity. They may huff and puff that it's a choice, but the more people have the courage to be who they are, and the more we are seen as average everyday people who, oh, by the way, happen to be gay, the more the kooks will lose any credibility with the average, everyday people who AREN'T gay.

 

He made animals first, but I don't see many people telling us we should be getting rammed by bears...

 

They are just ignorant and don't want to educate themselves. It's sad.

 

From what I got from my mum she just doesn't seem to be able to understand anything that doesn't relate to her. Maybe that's a natural early stage of acceptance. But she can't understand how I can be attracted to both men and women in a sexual and romantic way. I can tell she just thinks I chose to be like this. But I would never have chosen this...it would be far far easier to be straight. But I'm actually getting a lot more confident and comfortable in my sexual orientation. If other people were more accepting then it would make life a lot easier for us!

I guess maybe they think it's a choice out of ignorance. They cannot understand it and therefore just relate it to their own feelings etc. As they're only attracted to the opposite sex, then they assume everyone must be. And therefore anyone who is another sexual orientation must therefore just have made a choice to be like that

 

I agree 1000%. They have never thought that not everyone is thinking/feeling like they do. "I like (only) the opposite sex? So must everyone else."

 

This has always been an argument I could never wrap my head around. Dan Savage gave a great reply to Herman Cain, when he said being gay is a choice.



I've actually used this argument once against someone who said being gay is a choice. Funny thing, that person admitted they couldn't choose to be gay, yet still continued maintaining that being gay was a choice. Honestly, this is doublethink, pure and simple.

 

I think that those who choose to be ignorant and say "It's a choice" perhaps are bisexual, the thought they liked the same sex but 'chose' to be straight and think we can do the same.

 

In some cases I think "these people" are very aware of how glbtq people are treated, by themselves and others and that it's not a position they'd ever want to be in (no pun intended). If they admitted it's NOT A CHOICE, it would bring the possibility themselves (or their kids etc) could end up that way and be subjected to that treatment. By calling it a choice it gives them a false sense of control that if it ever happened to them they could work around it by making the right choice...

 

My husband, as hard as he is trying to accept my bisexuality actually says "it seems like a fad"... yup... definitely fun to be looked at as a freak... fun times.

 

In another thread I made a comment about how we are marginalized when we are viewed purely as sexual beings; that we are driven only by our sex drive. It makes it very easy for people to dismiss us and/or not care about us.

Saying that we choose to be gay falls into the same category. In other words, if you really cared about being a good person, you would choose NOT to be gay. However, you did not choose to be not gay, so you're not a good person and I don't have to care about you.

Usually when I hear people saying "It's a choice.", I ask them where they heard that? Did a gay person tell them that? Overwhelmingly the answer is no. Then I ask if they have ever read or heard any Coming Out stories? Again the answer is no. Then I say that I have read dozens upon dozens of Coming Out stories and invariably they will have a phrase something like this: "I knew I was different when I was (15 or 11 or 9 or whatever).". At whatever age that was, they compared themselves to their peers and know that they did not want to do the same things or act the same way. They had no vocabulary and no definitions, but the KNEW they were different. If it is something that you choose, how could those statements be true?