So for those of you who know of my history with Darren, you need no backstory, for those who don't...how about a nice little synopsis: We met at work two years ago. I fell for him at first sight and we hit it off right away. We became good friends, we would talk at work, text, Facebook message, etc. I fell for him hard. Then the summer ended and I didn't see him at all. I would try and text him but nothing. Fast forward to April and we saw each other at work again and everything was good. By July things began to get messy and well we had a falling out. We patched things up somewhat but then had several more falling outs, mostly due to me annoying him. The last time I had talked to him was when I texted him happy birthday last year. Fast forward again to this March. I was texting people to see when they were going to their rehire meeting and he said he wasn't coming back (for reasons that didn't relate to me but were stupid nonetheless) but he would miss me a lot. Before then I had managed to wane my crush away but then it all came back. Since then I've 'spoken to him' only a few time before today. Once I texted back in April but he responded that he was at a red light and was driving and would text me back later, got nothing. Before that, he was watching a movie and would text me when it was over. He didn't, as you could've guessed. I then later saw him in May I think when I went out to eat with my parents, he came in with his parents but he didn't acknowledge me at all (I was pissed...as you could've guessed). In July I messaged him trying to convince him to come back to work, he said no, he was just pissed at how things had worked out for him last year and I made a point of tagging him in a post on my friend Persephanie's wall about all three of us going to see Ant-Man when it comes out, a plan made last summer (Ant-Man doesn't come out until 2015). Now we're at today. I open my Facebook to realize that it's his 17th birthday. I wrote on his fall and waited around for his reply (since I knew he would reply, he replies to all of his birthday posts). Around 8 I decided to text him happy birthday and he responded, but he didn't respond to my message after that, something which I had anticipated. To sum everything up...why am I so stuck on him? We have such a detrimental friendship that has been rocky for the most part but still I want to be friends with him? I can't just delete him from my life altogether, the memories are still too prominent.
Well, you are stuck on him because you haven't found anyone (yet) to replace him in your mind. Your memories of him are prominent because again, nothing has replaced it. He is your only experience or the most recent one. It seems like you might have a pattern of clinging to the "hope" that something will work out between you to? My advice would be stop messaging him, stop facebooking with him. Why? Because well it seems you aren't getting the response you want from him and it is only setting you up for a let down. If you had a falling out over you being annoying to him, he isn't likely to respond to any texts beyond what he might feel obligated to in order to remain cordial. Just try your best to move on, and accept that he isn't going to reciprocate your feelings in the way you would like. That's all the advice I can really offer.
See the thing is, I've had crushes besides him since then. Two guys at work this summer, one guy at school, and all three have made me all warm and fuzzy inside. For the most part too, I haven't really texted him or messaged him over the summer, just random occasional times. Yet despite all of this...it lingers. And we...I guess...ended things on a good note. He told me he would miss me a lot and what-not, so as far as I've been away, things are good between us. And I know he won't reciprocate but I guess there's still that little sliver in my subconscious that wants me to think he would, despite me knowing he won't.
