When I told my parents I'm Gay, it was like they didn't believe me. Then, about a week later, my Dad told me that I'm Metrosexual. This is making me confused even more about my Sexuality. What's even worse is that my Dad says things like "When you're older with your wife, you'll visit us, right?". Of course, I said I would. But I don't know if my Dad doesn't believe me, in denial, or just making excuses. How do I deal with this?
Heya, It sounds like your Dad is working through his own processes and coming to terms with this new information you've given them. It sometimes takes them a little while - hence he's coming up with these other terms and concepts to test the waters. Perhaps go somewhere where it is just the two of you and talk about things. Do you both share a hobby or interest? Have a favourite place? Something that is comfortable like that and familiar will aid the conversation and could help the both of you talk about each others feelings and expectations now. He could be trying to work out what this means for your future and has crazy mixed-up ideas on what that means. There will be a lot that they will be both be learning along the way, and guess what - you are the one who will be guiding them and helping them understand Give them a little time, and maybe gently nudge them towards things like PFLAG and other resources. It seems confusing, but that's only because they are uncertain and confused themselves.
My Dad had told me that I'm too young and that it's unhealthy to be thinking about this at my age. If I try bringing up the conversation, he'll most likely tell me to let it go.
I know how you feel. My parents always tell me that when they grow old, they hope that my "wife" and I visit and take care of them. It hurts, but I just learned to ignore it. Your case is a little different, though. Since you've come out to your parents, it is well within your power to correct your dad and say, "Yes dad, me and my HUSBAND will visit when you're old." It would make it easier for your parents to accept this if you keep correcting them. Most likely, your dad is in denial and doesn't want to face it. You might want to sit your parents down and reiterate that you are gay. Assert that it is not a phase and you are being serious with them. Hope this helps! (*hug*) (By the way, if you're not sure, metrosexual just means you're straight but act and dress stereotypically gay)
Parents will fall back on that you are too young to know what you want, because they believe it to be true, and it helps them. They're coming to terms with things still, and no doubt think it is just a 'phase'. There's no harm correcting your parents next time they hint at your 'future wife'. Keep communication channels open and positive and it will help you all in the long run.
Hiya, That happens to me a lot too. It's annoying saying yes even though it's not going to happen, isn't it? If you are comfortable with it, then I'd echo what already been said and correct them. But if you think it's not a good thing to do, then don't beat yourself up on not doing it - take it your speed. Just let it sink that you're not straight. You're never to young to notice or think about these things. I think your parents don't want to believe it because they don't want that to happen, (Kinda like with some people when they find out they're gay - they end up being 'out and proud' later on) but they have to come to terms with the fact that you're questioning and not straight. I think that, if You want to, delve deeper and think about your sexuality, then do it. I wouldn't really have a conversation about this to them - they'd most probably say the same thing, since not much time has past since you coming out to them. Do what You want to do. (*hug*)
Tell your parents to talk to some LGBT adults, and that may help them. PFLAG, as mentioned earlier, is great, and seeing some gay people being normal in real life is very helpful. That's what my parents did.
You are what you are, not what your father wants you to be. He will work through this. He may needs some time though ! In a way he is protecting himself by kidding himself, or you.. even trying to influence your thoughts. I would try and let it pass and he will come round, and you will be more confident then anyway.
How old are you, and how long has it been since you told him? Anyone processing any loss (in this case, loss of his perception that you're straight) takes time, and goes through stages (denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.) That can take minutes or months. If you can tell us your age and how long ago you told them, that will help to get you a better answer.
I'm sorry that you didn't get a better reaction, but you might need to just move on at this point. You can mention PFLAG or remind them you're not interested about girls when they ask, or just be yourself. In this way it's not useless - you don't have to hide it. They might not acknowledge it until you bring a guy over or enough time passes or whatever barrier is in the way, but they didn't totally reject you either. Believe me, there's a big difference. Your dad is right about one thing - you're young. Not too young to realize you're gay but you don't have to act on it now. Be a kid while you can, tell some friends when you're ready, look for a mate down the ready. Basically, just continue with life.
"Coming out" mainly means you don't have to worry about people knowing or finding out. You've told him. He may not believe that you're going to "stay gay" (a common response to someone under the age of 21 coming out), but that doesn't change the fact that you have now told him. Your job is done. Lex
