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Worried about my brother, I think he is gay

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Miss, Sep 2, 2013.

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  1. Miss

    Miss
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    Hi,
    I am worried about my brother. He is very private and doesn't really let us in on his personal life as I feel he may be worried about how our family would react. He is 32 and we have never known his to date or talk about girls. I know this doesnt mean he is gay but i just worry that the reason he is so closed off is because he is hiding something and maybe a bit confused about who he is. I think if he is gay he will really struggle with it and I hate to think of him going through all this worry for so long on his own.

    I also think he feels a lot of pressure to be as my parents expect and is afraid of hurting them by coming out. My dad is quite old fashioned and would probably struggle with it, and my mam would be probably a bit uncomfortable at first but then totally fine. Me and my sisters would completely support him and just want him to be happy!

    Do you think I should raise these concerns to my parents to prepare them so they can show him they would be more accepting (sometimes my dad can make insensitive comments when things are shown on tele) ?

    Should I speak to my brother even though I know he is private to try and help him?

    Or should I leave it as it is till he is ready? I suppose he might not even be gay, but I just think he is a bit lost and hate to think of him seclude ng himself because of this.

    I would really appreciate any advice or experiences as I am worried about his happiness!

    Thank you!
     
    #1 Miss, Sep 2, 2013
  2. LD579

    LD579
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    I wouldn't talk to your parents over mere conjecture, to be honest. It also could be kind of overstepping, as it's his business and getting involved with your brother and parents' relationship wouldn't be good at this point, I think. Talking to your brother, though, would be a good step. Letting him know that you're here for him, that you won't judge him for who he is, and that you'll support him no matter what should be good words to hear regardless of what he's going through, if anything. Besides that, though, you can't do much more until he's ready to come out, assuming he even is in a closet in the first place.

    I'd like to also comment that you're a very kind sister for being this worried about him, and I wish you and your brother the best. Welcome to EC, by the way =)
     
    #2 LD579, Sep 2, 2013
  3. doors

    doors
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    When you're around him, if the subject comes up, make it clear that you have nothing against gay people. I wouldn't ask him if he is gay or confront him about it because from what you've said there's nothing really to confirm that he is gay. Make him comfortable around you so that if he is gay, he will come out to you and then with your help he can come out to your parents and whoever else.
     
    #3 doors, Sep 2, 2013
  4. awesomeyodais

    awesomeyodais
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    If he's not ready (to accept it for himself, then to tell others) then he's not ready, and any "confrontational" situation will do more harm than good. "Son, your sister thinks you're gay and had your mom worried for nothing, what the hell is that all about and why don't you have a nice girlfriend" is one of those conversations that can set him back further into the closet, if he is there to begin with. Even though it sounds caring, dropping "I know" hints before he's ready is just as bad.

    I'd say if you have a non-fabricated opportunity to show you are accepting of everyone regardless of orientation (maybe it's talking about someone at work, a neighbor, a relative who is a nice person, and happens to be GLBTQ) it could help. He may not realize it or acknowledge it right away but it's the kind of positive comment we usually remember.
     
    #4 awesomeyodais, Sep 2, 2013
  5. Miss

    Miss
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    Thanks guys!
     
    #5 Miss, Sep 2, 2013
  6. sguyc

    sguyc
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    Talk to your brother.
     
    #6 sguyc, Sep 2, 2013
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