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My Mom and My Sexual Orientation (help)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by DianaLives, Sep 2, 2013.

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  1. DianaLives

    DianaLives
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    Hey everyone, thanks a lot in advance.

    So here's the situation, I tried to come out to my mom since last year and a couple of months ago I tried to come out cassually to her and her reaction wasn't the best. This really surprised me because she semt like a really open person. However she came up with arguments such as "I really want to see my grand children to look like you" or" I want you to be happy with a girl who loves you" and "homosexual people have to go through a lot" and so on so I told her I was pansexual and she said it would be the best to stay on the other side( heterosexual).

    Since that day we tend to go to homosexual related topics and she often mentions that some people "come out of it" and whenever I try to explain that I'm gay she gets really anxious and burries her hands on her face and it's something really hard to watch considering that I love her a lot and I dont ever want to make her sad.

    Something that I've noticed is that she seems to be more accepting of it but she was struggling when she was making a remark on my body and how "they" will come after me if I did some exercise.

    Even thought it semt like she was making a lot of progress I still feel really bad about her and it makes me sad to think that she probably feels like she wasn't lucky enough to have a straight son and that her expectations and dreams were shattered because of this.
    She had a really horrible horrible past and she has to deal with bipolar disorder which affect her relationship with people and with me (she says she feels horrible because of the way she treats me when she is in her anxious phase) and she is an only mother who came out of an abussive relationship with my manipulative dad and she has a lot of stress on a daily basis that she has to put up with.
    So my question is : Should I try to like girls so my mom would feel better about me or should I force her to deal with it ?
    I'd like to thank you for reading this far and if anyone has an opinion or any piece of advice feel free to post it because it helps me a lot an if anyone needs any more information feel free to ask.

    Thanks A LOT.
     
    #1 DianaLives, Sep 2, 2013
  2. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    No you should not force yourself to like girls for her or anyone elses sake!

    Your mum doesn't want you to suffer. If she's had an abusive relationship and is bipolar she knows suffering and whats you to avoid it if possible. However what she may not realise is that you will suffer just as much if you supress it and force yourself straight!
     
    #2 BookDragon, Sep 3, 2013
  3. Holly

    Holly
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    Even though is your mother, you should never let ANYONE try change your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with being gay, and you certainly won't succeed in changing your feelings.

    Just explain to her that this is you, it isn't going to chance and you are still her son.
     
    #3 Holly, Sep 3, 2013
  4. bingostring

    bingostring
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    Would your mother really be happy if you went with a girl ... and YOU were then sad and depressed???
     
    #4 bingostring, Sep 3, 2013
  5. EverythingWeBecome

    EverythingWeBecome
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    Your mother wants you to be happy.So if you try to change yourself to be with a woman it will probably end up with you sad and your mother maybe feeling bad about pushing you towards something you didn't want. As you said your mother has been through a lot, so in my opinion the best thing you can do is be yourself and be patient with her. She will accept it at some point you just have to give her time
     
    #5 EverythingWeBecome, Sep 3, 2013
  6. Adi

    Adi
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    The answer is simple: force her to deal with it. You can't get yourself to like girls if you don't, and, ultimately, you don't have to live your life to make her happy. She's being selfish and unreasonable, demanding other people change to make her happy, as if they were puppets for her amusement. You should be wise follow your own interests. If she doesn't come around, she can see what being disowned is like.
     
    #6 Adi, Sep 3, 2013
  7. Choirboy

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    If you have been honest with your mother, there isn't much else you can do at this point. She knows where you stand. She may not LIKE it, but realistically, she's not required to, just as if you were dating a girl, she wouldn't be required to like her. (And actually, with you being the only child, and her having some emotional needs, that probably would have been the case anyhow.)

    This is where you need to patiently and kindly stand your ground when the subject comes up, and remind her that this is how you will be the happiest in your life, and at your age (I assume you're a teenager?), it's a little early to be thinking of grandchildren anyhow! You can also recognize that this is a sensitive subject for her and not rub her face in it. She's not tossing you out of her life, or threatening to, so there's no reason to give her ultimatums. There will be many times in your life where you will have to act more like the parent than she does, and this is one of them. It sounds like she is doing as well with this as she can, so pretty much all you can do is love her and let her figure out how to process this in her own head.
     
    #7 Choirboy, Sep 3, 2013
  8. heyguyz

    heyguyz
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    Seriously, we have identical situation, identical. My mum aseo calls me a fa**ot whenever she can. Wha I started to do today is kinda mean, but I becamse a c*nt to her. i will giver her the same she gives me. I know it is wrong, but I am quite desperate about it. You should not let her change yo, like she tries to change me. She told me not to tell anyone else that I am gay, wchich I listened to for around 4 months, but now I will ot listen to it anymore and I am coming out to my dad, I was gonna do it today, but it is his birthday. I just feel like coming out to everyone is gonna help me soooo much. Anyway, if I was you I would just ignore her...
     
    #8 heyguyz, Sep 3, 2013
  9. MilansMele

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    Aloha from another island, Carlos!

    I know you love your mother very much, and she has had a very hard life but...

    You need to separate your needs from her needs. As you grow up this separation will become greater and greater and you will learn how to balance the two. Balance is the key here. You should not give up what you need for anyone else. Likewise, you cannot ignore the needs of someone as important to you as your mother. So you will have to, over time, work at this balancing act. Make sure your mother knows you understand what she is saying, have given it a lot of consideration and have made thoughtful decisions. And make sure she knows you love her very much, even if you choose to disagree. Hopefully, she will come to understand and accept. Be patient.

    Good luck to you.

    With aloha,
    Milan
     
    #9 MilansMele, Sep 3, 2013
  10. DianaLives

    DianaLives
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    omg!! I never expected so many helpful and supportive comment I'm actually in tears right now. Thanks a lot for all this comments and it makes me so happy that there is so much compation and so many beautiful people in this site. I will try to follow your advice as much as I can and make sure to let you all know how everything turns out.

    A houndred thanks to everyone.
     
    #10 DianaLives, Sep 3, 2013
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