So I'm not exactly sure what to think. There's this guy who is really flirty and has even been a little physical, but I'm in the closet and I'm 99.9% sure he is too. I've gotten all sorts of signals but he called me "buddy" on Facebook. Honestly, I think it's because he has no idea I'm bi and he's pretty flamboyant, but is this always a "friend zone" term? Does it work the same way in the LGBTQ community, or does the whole non-heteronormative gender interaction change communication a little?
Well I'm still closeted, and I've referred to boys I've liked as "friend." It won't be much help until you come out to him though.
Maybe he's giving you some signs. Or, it could be how he treats some friends. It's best if you come out to him and see what happens from there.
Well, if he's in the closet, then being in his "friend zone" is kind of a moot point. If he's really straight, then it just could be a term of endearment; maybe he thinks of your friendship like a bromance. Also, "buddy" may show that he's comfortable with you, which is a good thing in any case. Ultimately, you have given too little information for us to give clearer opinions. When you talk about him flirting, what does that actually mean?
Well as far as the flirting, today was a good example. When we were in class, he kept looking at me. I also kind of ignored him as we were leaving class and he later approached me in the student union just to see what I thought. I guess I've always thought that "buddy" was a staple of friend zone lingo, but he seems to initiate a lot of our interaction. While I'm usually the first one to text, he runs into me A LOT and almost always initiates when it's online or an actual meet up (we're in college and he lives in Florida with his mom, but is close to me in Philly during the summers and at school). He actually texted me as I wrote this to find out my schedule while looking for advice to change his. I know I'll eventually need to come out to him, but some guys in here expect some melodramatic reveal. While I do love him, he also is truly a "buddy," but I kind of need to find the right way to do it.
Why don't you go out for a coffee or lunch with him, maybe even make it regular? That's not abnormal for friends. Also, what is his relationship history suggest?
I know that coming out isn't in your best interest but trying it can't hurt. If he goes to tell anyone just deny it.
I'm not telling you what you should do, but in your position I would maybe ask him to go out for coffee or something a few times, and maybe talk about some LGBT subjects to see how he reacts. If he reacts positively, you could try coming out to him and see what happens from there. IMO the term buddy is usually used in the friends term, but I call the person I'm with currently buddy sometimes, it just depends on how he's using the word. Best of luck to you
Well that's what kills me, though. We know each other well. Like really well, and we do get lunch regularly. He has dated girls in the past, but so have I, and I'd place myself at a 4 or a 5 on the Kinsey scale. I actually have not had a substantial interaction with him (discounting a few texts or walk-bys) where LGBTQ issues have not come up. In fact, I swear I caught him checking me out yesterday after my second post--it was really obvious, I caught him, and hope I reacted with enough affirmation to keep the door open. That "buddy" language confused me so much because, well, it seems like the signs are there, but the word made me feel friend zones. Could he just be testing the waters too?
I can't really help you much but I can offer an alternative interpretation of his use of the word 'buddy'. I never say it in person but, when I am online (like on Facebook), I often call people 'buddy'. For some reason, my language changes hugely when I go online. I use buddy for both guys I like and guys I don't like (I'm also closeted). Does he call you buddy when speaking to you in person? If not, he might just have used it subconsciously without putting any thought into it.
I used to call my best friend "buddy" and I was head over heels in love with him for more than a year. Go figure...
Haha, I guess you're all right. One, I shouldn't get caught up on one word when he does seem interested. And, once I get a better sense of the nature of these interactions, I'll have to deal accordingly. Thanks for the advice and suggestions.
