how should i feel and how would you feel

i have had a crush on my friend who is a girl for a long time i even was her first kiss ever we went out for a brief time but she broke up with me after telling me she was not really bi and that hurt yes because i loved her alot and than she started dating my ex boyfriend who to me was abusive and even kicked me in the ribs and punched me in the eye he also told me that he has been with other girls sexually and i was worried about her and was protective of her i told her everything and one time in gym class before me and him broke up and a while before they got together he asked her if he could rape her i went off on him and i told the teacher and principal and shortly after me and him broke up for the last time i told her that i was OK with it as long as she waited for marriage to have sex and if she didn't she would regret it because a real man would wait for a girl and it makes the first time special but about a little more than a month ago i went to her graduation party and she told me that her and my ex had sex without a condom in a bathroom stall at school and than i went off because not only did that hurt me deeply that she didn't listen but she put herself at risk i even asked her where he was now knowing he broke up with her after and what pissed me off was he lied to her and said she was his first hell me and him used to have phone sex and half the stuff he said was not what a virgin would not know than after me and her fought we made up and i was supposed to hang out with her and after a big misunderstanding on her part by mistaking goodnight for goodbye she told her parents everything i said not what she said and i told her the reason i was so upset with her was that i loved her still and i was being over protective and i was telling her from experience that i regret not asking people certain questions and not thinking i was still a virgin when it didn't count i thought she deserved better than my ex

 

we are friends again but needless to say i don't think i will ever feel the same again she basically told her parents out of spite so i sent her mom a message on facebook about everything she said and i told her i was only upset because she told me what she did and than i dropped a bomb telling her about how she lost it in a bathroom i was as polite as possible and didn't talk to her for almost 3 weeks but she kept texting me and asking for forgiveness and giving me a guilt trip and i told my grandparents after i came home with a black eye and i guess they didn't hear me and i went to the nurses too it really hurt my eye

 

oh sorry and my ex who she was dateing gave me a black eye once